


The One Where Shane Isn't the Problem

by minicoopbug



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Developing Friendships, Domestic Violence, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Past Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Slow Burn, Starting Over, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-25 06:15:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 80,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21831352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minicoopbug/pseuds/minicoopbug
Summary: A different perspective on the usual "new farmer can't seem to help themselves falling for the broken town drunk" Shane/farmer story.After moving to Stardew Valley and taking over your grandfather's old farm, you begin to settle into country life and get to know the locals. No matter how much you try to move on and forget your problems, though, the past still haunts you.This is the one in which Shane isn't the problem.
Relationships: Shane & Female Player (Stardew Valley), Shane (Stardew Valley)/Reader, Shane/Female Player (Stardew Valley), Shane/Player (Stardew Valley)
Comments: 479
Kudos: 819





	1. Fuck Farming

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!!!  
> I've wanted to write for Stardew Valley for awhile now and of course I love my sweet chicken boy, Shane (he's my husband on almost all of my saves lol). The idea for this story popped into my head and I immediately started writing because I loved it so much! It's a little different, but I really hope you enjoy it :)  
> For some context (which will be explained later, but still), Shane decided to get sober and turn his life around before the farmer moved to the Valley so that is where he's at now.   
> Please let me know what you think of the story, I'd love feedback!!! Happy reading ;)

“Fuck!” You yelled as water from the broken irrigation system you were working on sprayed you right in the face, startling you and causing you to fall into the dirt.  
Spilling the whole open pack of seeds everywhere.

Fuck indeed.

Angrily muttering to yourself and cursing this whole damned farming endeavor, you got up, not even bothering to dust off, and stomped off toward the house. Fuck this farm. Fuck this town. Fuck moving here from the fucking city to get some fucking peace or whatever.

Just…fuck.

When your grandfather had handed you the letter just days before he passed away, you didn’t think much of it. After all, his mind had been going for the last few years and you just figured this was another one of his slightly crazy ravings. Nonetheless, you had done as he requested and tucked the letter away, leaving “you’ll know when to open it” as his cryptic message. It didn’t take long before you forgot about the little envelope completely.

Then, just a year later it happened. 

When you stumbled across the letter you weren’t sure if what you were reading was actually…well, true. Grandpa had left Sunny Ridge to you, his pride and joy, the farm he had worked so hard to build up, that he had poured his heart and soul and whole life into. It was yours. 

First thing in the morning you had called his lawyer to ask if this inheritance was indeed correct. Turns out, Grandpa maybe wasn’t as crazy as you thought.

After a hasty but heartfelt goodbye to your parents, you threw the few possessions you had left into your rusty old Jeep and drove until the city was in your rearview. You’d arrived in Stardew Valley late that night, your headlights the only thing illuminating your way as you ambled up the drive to the old farmhouse that you remembered from childhood. Your dad had called the mayor to let him know you would be arriving that night, so he had left the key to the house in the mailbox. Hauling your one bag over your shoulder and using the flashlight from your phone to see, you found the key, climbed the creaking porch steps, and unlocked the door.

With a heavy sigh, you took in the defunct state of the house. Layers of dust, cobwebs everywhere, a few leaves blown across the floors. You supposed it was only normal since the house had sat empty for a few years now. Grandpa had died a year ago and before that he hadn’t lived in it for two or three years. Dad had said that the mayor and the local carpenter were looking after it but you guess that didn’t necessarily mean keeping it immaculately clean or anything. A sense of relief washed over you when the lights at least came on.

Too exhausted to do anything else, you found the old bed and flopped down, not even bothering to change clothes or get under the covers. At least you had a bed to sleep in and roof to keep the rain out.  
It may not be ideal, but it would do.

***

Okay, maybe the rain thing wasn’t so accurate. A heavy storm had come through about a week into your living on the farm and woken you in the middle of the night. Not with loud thunder or wailing winds, no, but with a steadily drip dropping of water on your face. The roof leaked. Great.

Turns out, the old house needed a lot of repairs. You seemed to find more and more every day. Thankfully, the local carpenter had dropped by a few days after you arrived to introduce herself and offer to help with any repairs or work you needed done. That had been a big help already, but she just finished fixing up the porch steps, you couldn’t ask her to check out the roof now too. You’d make due for a few weeks. There were plenty of buckets and pots around to catch leaks and you just shoved the bed out from under the drip zone.

The mayor had come by as well, Lewis you remembered. He gave a whole spiel about being friends with your grandfather, being so happy to see you coming to the Valley to take care of the farm, talking about how wonderful and welcoming the townspeople were, how you’d love it there and fit right in, blah blah blah. Truthfully, his loud knocking had woken you up early the morning after you arrived. You were wrapped in a blanket, disheveled, and still half asleep when he had stopped by so only fragments of what he said stuck with you.

After finally declaring that he should get going and sticking out his hand for a parting shake, the mayor turned to go. Before he reached the bottom of the steps, however, he turned with a slightly awkward and sad expression, as if he wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to say what he did next. 

“You know, I spoke to your father the night you left to come to Stardew Valley,” Lewis began, his words holding a heavy unspoken meaning. “While I’m of course thrilled you’re here, I am very sorry for the circumstances under which, er, you came to be.” The man’s eyes lingered on the dark bruise blossomed across your cheekbone, your split and swollen lip. Your eyes suddenly found something very interesting to focus on off in the distance. Anything to keep from making eye contact with the mayor. “Please, don’t ever hesitate to let me know if you need anything Ms. Y/N.” You nodded appreciatively and then he was off.

You’d wandered into town a few times to explore and find food, but always mindful to keep your head down as best as you could. You weren’t a pro with makeup or anything, but as long as you laid low then nobody would ever suspect a thing. You’d of course had some short introductions with some of the townspeople. Pierre the shopkeeper, Gus the owner of the saloon and his bubbly employee Emily, and the JoJa Mart manager Morris. Only the ones you really needed to interact with to start you off, the ones with food and supplies. 

And alcohol.

You spent the next few days exploring and planning. You walked the boundaries of the farm, rummaged through the barns and sheds to see what equipment your grandfather had stored and what kind of condition it was in. You inspected the house and tried to determine what fixes were needed to really make it livable. You went over your finances, worked up a new budget, and took care of a few other personal matters. Deleted your social media and changed your phone number.

The next few weeks were occupied with researching everything you could about farming. From the soil in the Valley to what plants to grow to how to raise animals, you poured over material to learn as much as possible before finally going to Pierre’s to buy some seeds. Lewis had given you a packet of parsnip seeds when you arrived, but you wanted a variety. Well, more like needed. This was going to be your livelihood now.

You soon learned, however, that as much as you researched and studied, farming was fucking hard. You spent days clearing debris from one of the old fields, just a small area so you could start something before it was too late in the season for anything to grow. Then it took another day to till the soil, which was absolutely exhausting. The old rototiller was a pain in the ass to deal with. Then, just when you thought you were ready to plant, the damn irrigation went out. There was no way you would be able to water all these plants by hand every single day, the nearest well was half a mile away. You’d die of exhaustion before the plants died of thirst.

Looking at yourself in the mirror of the bathroom in the house, covered in dirt and soaked to the bone, face pink from anger or sunburn you didn’t know, hair an absolute mess, you decided right then and there that you just couldn’t be a farmer. Your grandfather had loved it, your father had loved growing up on the farm, hell, you even remembered your mother enjoying helping out when you visited as a kid, but somehow the farmer gene has passed you right over. 

So yeah, fuck being a farmer.

Except, it was all you had now. 

“Evolve or die,” you muttered to your reflection. “Suck it up and let’s go plant some damn parsnips.”


	2. The Awkward Stardrop

Two months.

Two months since you moved to the Valley. You’d fixed the irrigation system, repaired most of the fences around the farm, and planted a whole variety of crops. Pierre had worked out a deal with you that if you exclusively bought your seed from his shop, he would buy whatever produce you brought him. It wasn’t much money to start out as you were still trouble shooting this whole farming gig, but it was enough to get by. Thankfully your parents sent what they could here and there and Lewis had dropped by to tell you about the Stardew agricultural fund, handing over a nice little cushion of cash to help you out in maintaining the farm.

The bruises and cuts had healed, meaning you didn’t have to avoid townspeople anymore. Still, you were wary, but everyone had been nice enough so far. Since you made regular trips to Pierre’s you had met his wife and daughter. Abigail was fun to talk to and all, but when she invited you to hang out with her and her two friends Sam and Sebastian you always politely declined. You may be getting more social but you weren’t quite a butterfly yet.

You’d finally asked Robin to inspect the roof after taking an afternoon off to make the trek to her home in the northern mountainous part of town. When you explained what had been happening, she quickly agreed to come by the next day, even offering a heavily discounted rate since you’d lived under a dripping roof for so long without complaint. You had climbed up there with her and learned a few things in case this ever happened with any of the farm buildings, and now you didn’t live in a perpetual state of avoiding buckets like landmines on your floor. 

A woman named Marnie had come by one morning to introduce herself as “your neighbor to the south, resident animal expert and supplier!”. She was older, late forties to mid-fifties perhaps, but very sweet and warm. She told you how happy she was that someone was finally there to take care of your grandfather’s land and how sad she had been to hear about his passing as he was a dear friend. She offered her help and her home if you ever needed anything, which is why you ended up sitting at her kitchen table a few days later talking about chicken coops.

You’d gone in during her listed business hours with a list of questions about raising chickens and the old coop you’d found in one corner of the farm. Marnie was so delighted that she pulled you into her kitchen and fixed some tea for the both of you, eagerly listening to your queries and watching you scribble notes about her answers. 

Once the last line on your list was crossed off, you had thanked Marnie for all the help and for the tea, and wished her a good rest of the day. The older woman, however, insisted that you join her at the Stardrop Saloon later that evening to chat, get to know each other better, introduce you to one of the community staples in Pelican Town. Not doing well with saying no, you had awkwardly agreed to meet back at her ranch that evening before you headed for home.

***

“Glad to see you joining in on the local hang out spot. What can I get you Ms. Y/N?” Emily asked with a bubbly smile. 

“Beer. Whatever’s cheapest on tap, please,” you ordered, fingers drumming nervously on the bar top. Emily nodded and turned to grab a glass off the shelves behind her. Your eyes were locked on the liquor display behind the bar, an internal struggle waging inside you. “Emily?” you finally burst out. She turned back to you with a curious grin. “Could I-“ you leaned over the bar, trying your best to speak quietly but still be heard over the ruckus of the saloon. “Could I also have a shot? Tito’s. But…discreetly?” You cheeks burned at the request, but thankfully the barmaid understood.

“Of course. On me, okay?”

“Thanks.” Your eyes wandered around, taking in the sights of all the locals and their usual hangouts. You still didn't quite know everyone’s names, but you were at least familiar with their faces. Abigail and her two friends stayed primarily in the back room, playing a seemingly never-ending game of pool. 'Probably because Sebastian looks like he’s the only one of the trio old enough to drink', you thought. There was the blonde, loud woman at the end of the bar. Patty maybe? Leah the artist sat with a drink and sketch pad at a table by herself. You didn’t know her well, but she always seemed to be in a good mood. Next, a man in a military jacket. Your eyes focused in on him for several moments, heart pounding just a little faster in your chest as you stared at the symbol on his left sleeve. Emily’s voice brought you out of your daze.

“Here you go, Y/N,” she said, sliding the pint of beer over, the shot tucked neatly against the glass so as not to be obvious. “Enjoy.”

Turning your body away from most of the patrons, you raised the shot to your lips with a sigh, quickly tipping it up and feeling the liquid burn its way down your throat. You grunted as you placed the glass back on the bar, waiting a moment before chasing it with a swig from your beer.

“Woman after my own heart,” a deep voice said beside you, making you jump. A tall, dark haired man stood there, slight smirk upturning the corner of his mouth as he leaned on the bar and gestured to Emily for another can of whatever he was drinking. “I’m not much for clear alcohols myself, usually more of a whiskey guy if its liquor, but to each their own.” 

“About the only whiskey I drink is Crown Apple,” you replied, taking another pull from your glass. “Otherwise, give me vodka and I’m a happy camper. Well, happy farmer more like.” You snorted at your own joke, earning a chuckle from the man next to you. 

“Thanks Emily,” he said as the bartender handed him a new can, complete with koozie, and took his empty one with a smile. You studied him as subtly as you could, noting his dark eyes and the stubble that lined his jaw. 'Strong jaw', you thought, heart seeming to pick up a bit. “So, you’re the farmer that took over Mr. Y/L/N’s place?” You nodded. “That big old house has been empty for awhile. Probably needs a lot of work done to it.”

“Yeah, Robin has been helping with the major fixes and I’ve been tackling the smaller ones on my own. I’m sure it’ll need some new sealing around the windows before winter and I’ll have to get the fire place up and running again, but right now I’m just glad my roof doesn’t leak anymore,” you replied, earning a small grin. Your eyes met and for a moment you each took the time to study each other before the prolonged pause in conversation became awkward.

“Well I better get back to my friend over there,” you told him, feeling your cheeks heat up now. “Enjoy the rest of your night.” With a tight-lipped smile to him, you grabbed your drink and headed back over to Marnie’s table, a little surprised to see that Lewis had now joined her and the two appeared to be engrossed in deep conversation. 

“Ah, Y/N! So happy to see you out and about enjoying our local establishment!” Lewis greeted. “Yes, the saloon is a fine place for the people of Pelican Town to gather and unwind. Although it can get pretty wild on the weekends!” The mayor and Marnie chuckled as if recalling some of those wild evenings. 

“Oh, Y/N, there’s someone I want you to meet!” Marnie said, laying a hand on your arm as excitement lit up her eyes. “My nephew lives with me at the ranch and helps out with the chickens, he would be a great help if you ever wanted to start that coop we were talking about or have someone show you more around the Valley.” 

“Sure, that’d be great.”

“Shane, come over here! I want to introduce you to someone!” Marnie called, waving at someone across the bar. You looked around to see who was walking over only for your eyes to land on the tall, dark-haired man from earlier, your stomach flipping as your awkwardness returned ten-fold. He made his way over, the slightest hint of a blush on his face once he spotted you. 'Or maybe he’s just a little flushed from drinking', you tried to assure yourself.

“Hi there, nice to meet you,” he said politely, sticking his hand out.

“Y/N, this is my nephew Shane. Shane, this is Y/N. She took over the farm to the north. It was her grandfather’s,” Marnie explained, smiling broadly as she introduced the two of you. 

“Good to meet you Shane. I hear you’re my chicken guy?” you said, trying your best to appear polite and put together. Okay, his face was definitely red now as he glanced at Marnie, one hand running along the back of his neck.

“Well, Marnie knows a lot more than I do so I’d go to her first, but-“

“Oh, Shane’s just being modest. He doesn’t really like a lot of attention,” Marnie cut in, tossing you a wink as she pretended to whisper that last bit. “He’s practically a chicken whisperer! If you have any questions, you take them straight to him.” Your eyes found Shane’s, asking silently if that was actually okay with him or if his aunt was pushing a little too far.

“Yeah, any questions you got I’ll do my best,” he said with a sigh. After some mumbled excuse about the restroom, Shane left your table and disappeared back somewhere into the saloon. Marnie and the mayor engaged you in a bit more light conversation, but you could tell they really only wanted to talk to each other, so as politely as you could, you thanked them and said goodnight, excusing yourself and heading back up to the bar with your now empty mug.

“Refill Y/N?” Emily asked as she swung by you with another customer’s order. 

“No, not on the beer, thanks,” you told her. Was it hot in here? You hadn’t had that much to drink, at least that’s what you thought. “Could I, uh, maybe do one more shot though? You don’t have to cover this one, I promise.” Emily smiled at you and grabbed the vodka off the shelf. “Actually, make it two. One Tito’s and one Apple Crown please.”

“Sure thing!” Emily prepared your order, sliding the two small glasses toward you and then rushing off to clear some tables. You pounded them back, one after the other, having to shake your head a bit after to get your bearings. 

“Okay, time to head home,” you mumbled to yourself. After squaring your tab with Gus, you headed for the door. The cool evening air was a relief on your hot cheeks. Careful not to stumble down the steps in your buzzed state, you headed toward the road back to the farm. 'Should’ve brought a flashlight', you thought, pulling out your phone only to find it dead and unhelpful. 

It was so quiet out here in the Valley. You still weren’t used to it after living in the city your whole life. It was so quiet and so damn dark. 

Which is why it scared you so bad that you actually let out a small scream when a deep voice rumbled somewhere behind you. 

“Fuck!” you cried, hand over heart as it attempted to hammer out of your chest. “Shane?”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you,” the man said, finally becoming visible in the darkness as he approached, hands stuffed into his hoodie pockets. “I was actually trying very hard not to, which is why I called out from back there.”

“Sorry, I’m just not used to how quiet and dark it is out here,” you explained, words slurring just the slightest bit. 

“Takes awhile to adjust. Sometimes it still gets to me.” Another awkward pause. “Anyway, uh, do you maybe want me to walk you home?” Shane offered, that hand back to rubbing his neck.

“Oh, um, you really don’t have to, I’ll be fine,” you assured. “Thanks for the offer, though.”

“You sure? You don’t have a light and-“

“Yeah, I’ll be okay.” Wanting nothing more than to end this embarrassment and get to your bed, you started to take a few steps backward in the direction of the farm. “Gotta get used to it somehow, right? I’ll see you later. G’night.” 

“Night Y/N,” he sighed, watching you head off into the dark as long as he could, hoping to Yoba that you got home alright.


	3. Forest Firemen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all!!! Sorry for the long delay in posting, I haven't had much time in the last couple of weeks due to traveling for the holidays and having so much going on revolving around that. Alas, here is finally the next installment! I hope you enjoy ;)

“Season’s going to be shifting soon,” Pierre said, handing you an envelope with your payment. “Would you like to take the seed catalogue home with you? You can plan what you’d like to plant for Fall and if there’s anything special you want me to order just circle it in there and bring it back by the end of the week.”

“That’d be great Pierre, thanks,” you said with a smile, tucking your payment into your bag and beginning to unload your produce crates for him. “I’ll pick up the empties when I drop the catalogue off.”

Saying your goodbyes and waving politely to a few townspeople, you headed out of the general store and started in the direction of Joja. You hated coming to this place, the monochromatic flooring and walls and shelving too bright and assaultive under the fluorescent lights. But, the beer was cheaper here. 

Picking out your stock, you went up to the only open check out counter to pay, groaning internally when you found none other than the ever-enthusiastic Sam on the job.

“Hey, Y/N!” he greeted happily, his blue uniform hat making his hair stick out oddly from the sides of his face. “How’s farmer life going?”

“It’s good, about to order some new seeds soon,” you said with a polite grin, trying to make conversation as nicely as you could. 

“That’s cool, I hear Fall is, like, the most important food growing season or something? How neat. Hey, there’s this cool thing happening down at the beach in a couple weeks, the Dance of Moonlight Jellies?” He paused to look for any kind of recognition that you knew what he was talking about. Finding none, he forged on. “It’s super cool, we all go down to the docks at night and on the last day of Summer these really awesome glowing jellyfish all swim up to the beach and stuff! Abby, Seb, and I are going, along with the rest of the town. You should totally join us.”

“Oh, uh,” Sam’s invite caught you off guard and you rapidly blinked at him a few times while trying to come up with something. “Thanks, I’ll think about it. I’ll probably be prepping to plant the next morning, but I might be able to make it down.”

“Awesome, I hope you do! Have a great day!”

“You too, Sam,” you said, grabbing your items with a smile and heading for the doors. On the walk back to your vehicle, parked behind Pierre’s, you did your best to keep your head down and feet moving quickly without looking weird. It’s not that you didn’t like the townspeople, you’d actually grown rather friendly with several of them, you just had had enough social interaction for one day. 

Putting your things in your Jeep, you jumped in and drove south out of town, enjoying the late afternoon sun as ambled down the dirt road toward the southern entrance of Sunny Ridge. Parking, you grabbed your backpack and a few drinks and headed for your favorite spot in the forest. Tucking yourself under a large tree, you settled in and grabbed the catalogue Pierre had given you, cracking open a beer while they were still cold and began looking through the crop selection.

“Y/N!” a cheery voice called out a bit later. You looked up to find Leah’s smiling face as she waved and approached, her long braid falling over her shoulder and a sketch pad tucked neatly under her arm. “Enjoying the nice weather while it lasts?” she asked. 

“Yeah, I’m just picking out some new seeds to plant when the weather changes in a couple weeks,” you told her. “Thought this would be a nicer place to do it than my kitchen table.”

“You’ve got that right,” Leah chuckled. “Could I join you?” 

“Sure.” You patted the ground next to you and the friendly woman plopped down gracefully. Leah seemed to do everything gracefully. And with a positive attitude. You envied her for it. “Would you like a drink?” You offered her a can and she kindly accepted.

“To the end of summer days, and a change on the wind,” she toasted, clinking her can to yours. “So, what are you thinking of planting?” 

For the next half hour, you showed Leah what you had selected in the catalogue. Some eggplants, yams, something called amaranth that looked quite pretty and you thought you had heard Marnie mention cows liking, of course a fair amount of corn, some sunflowers. 

“Mayor Lewis asked if I’d provide the pumpkins for the Spirit’s Eve festivities this year so I’m going to get several varieties of those,” you explained. “I’m not sure why he has so much faith in me, I’ve never grown a pumpkin in my life. I hope he has a backup plan if it doesn’t go well. I’d hate to be responsible for the town being short on decorations.”

“I have faith that you’ll grow the biggest pumpkins the Valley has ever seen!” Leah assured you, earning a laugh. 

“Thanks. Just for that I’ll give you the biggest one I grow free of charge.” The two of you continued to laugh and make conversation, taking swigs of your drinks here and there. Honestly, you had forgotten how good it felt to have a girlfriend around to bond with. 

The sound of rustling and footsteps drew both of your attention toward the forest, waiting to see who else was out enjoying the nice Summer day. A man emerged from between the trees, carrying what seemed to be a load of firewood and an old axe.

It was Shane.

Sweaty. And in a t shirt. And carrying wood.

Fuck.

“Hi Shane!” Leah greeted, offering a small wave. His eyes turned to the two of you, same hard expression on his face as usual. He gave a polite nod in your direction.

“Ladies,” he said, dark eyes lingering on you just long enough to make your stomach flip. You had never seen Shane like this before and Yoba did you hope this wouldn’t be the last time you did.

His t shirt was loose but hugged just enough on his chest, which was dotted with sweat, as was his forehead. He carried a large load of firewood stacked on his shoulder, muscles that were usually hidden under his hoodies bulging enticingly under the weight. The axe was propped on his other should, giving him a fireman-esque look that practically made you drool. 

“Need any help with that?” Leah asked.

“No, that’s okay. Just stocking up before the nights cool off. See you both later.” With another tip of his head, he was off. You barely managed to mumbled a goodbye, your eyes too trained on his retreating form as he headed toward the ranch. 

“Wow,” Leah whistled, whipping her head back to you with a smirk. “I don’t see him chop wood often, but boy, when he does…” She flashed a wink, nudging her shoulder against yours and making you laugh, your cheeks practically burning.

“Yeah, I’ve never seen him…like that before.” In fact, you hadn’t really seen much of Shane at all since the awkward introduction by Marnie and his offer to walk you home from the saloon. You’d seen him a few times in the Stardrop since then, usually keeping to yourself or talking to Emily at the bar while Shane seemed to stand off in the corner alone most of the time. Occasionally you saw him sitting with his aunt, but that was rare. You had run into him once at Marnie’s on your way in to chat with her more about raising animals. He had been on his way out and gave a polite ‘hello’, but that was the extent of it. 

Shortly after that encounter, Leah finished off her drink, thanked you for the time spent together, and headed off toward her cottage. You supposed you should do the same as it would be getting dark soon and you still had to drive up to the house from the farthest point on the farm. Gathering your things, you trekked back to your Jeep and did just that. 

That night as you lay in bed, there was only one image you simply couldn’t get out of your head no matter how much you cursed yourself for it. Consequently, your dreams were riddled with firemen and a particular pair of dark eyes.


	4. Rustling Tin

It was one of those nights.

The kind where you had a shit day and needed to just fucking let go. 

Half the cabbage crop had worms and was ruined. You had been so busy with other end of season things that the lettuce harvest had fallen to the bottom of the list lately and it had fucking bolted, meaning it grew to look like pretty cone flowery things but was also now apparently inedible. The Jeep started making some kind of horrible noise when you had gone to drive it into town that morning. And to top it all off, you hadn’t slept for the past two nights due to some horrible PTSD induced nightmares.

So yeah, it was one of those fucking nights. 

“Give me another, Emily,” you sighed as she passed you by to collect your empty bottle. “Just keep em comin’.”

“Sure thing, Y/N,” she said, pulling another bottle out and popping the cap before sliding it over. “In that case, though, I’ll be taking your keys.”

“I walked. Jeep’s acting up.”

“In that case, then, I’ll be walking you home or tucking you in on my couch.” Her grin and elusive dash to help the next customer left no room for argument. ‘Everyone in this town is so fucking nice to each other’ you thought to yourself, taking a long pull of your beer. ‘Fucking weird’.

You’d been in the saloon for awhile by now, lost count of how many beers it had been but clearly not enough because you weren’t drunk yet. Definitely feeling it, but not drunk.

Not enough to forget, anyway.

As another few people found their way into the bar, you decided that your location was feeling a little too….public. Slipping down from the barstool, you grabbed your drink and made your way over to the back corner booth. Emily came by to refill you a couple more times and with each one you slipped simultaneously further and further into and out of your troubles. 

Doubts about managing the farm. Pride about how far you’d come, though. Missing your parents, but happy to be away from the city. 

More like happy to be away from that asshole…

“Hey.” Startled, you looked up from staring at the tabletop to the blue jacket next to you holding a can of their own. “Taken?” Shane pointed at the seat across from you. You gestured for him to sit and he slid in.

“How ya been?” you asked, trying your best to let the alcohol push everything else to the back of your brain. 

“Fine. You?”

“Fucking shitty, but hey,” you raised your beer. “Feelin’ better lately.” Shane quirked an eyebrow as you offered a very tipsy smile. 

“Having issues on the farm?” he asked, taking a swig of whatever was always in that damn koozie. 

“Yeah. Crops suck. Car sucks. Sleep sucks. But beer does not suck.”

“I’ll toast to that,” Shane said, tipping his can toward you so you could clink your drink against his. Now he was grinning and now you were forgetting everything from before. 

“I’m thinking of getting chickens soon,” you said, leaning on the table now and trying to look serious. “You still my chicken guy?”

“Sure. What do you need?”

“Well, my grandpa had this old coop but it’s in pretty rough shape. I need some help inspecting it to see what work it needs or if it’s even worth it to repair. Also, I don’t know much about chickens.” 

“I can come by sometime and give it a look,” Shane said. “Just let me know when.”

“It might be awhile still, I have so much work to do before I can even think about adding animals on top of all of it. It’s hard enough to take care of myself most days let alone some feathery little birds, ya know?” Shane nodded in agreement, watching you take another drink. “Everyone’s really nice here.”

“Yeah, it’s a little weird. Definitely different from the city.” You blinked at him for several seconds before speaking again, this time with so much curiosity you sounded borderline ignorant to your own ears. 

“You’re from the city?” you asked. Shane nodded. “I didn’t know that!”

“Yeah, grew up there. Played gridball for a bit with the Tunnelers.”

“What?!” you burst out, shock and awe written all over your face. Shane’s cheeks flushed but he smiled nonetheless.

“Yeah, long time ago, though. Some stuff happened and I decided it was time for a change of pace, so I moved here to Marnie’s. Took me some time to get adjusted. I missed the city a lot at first and thought about moving back, but…something just kept me here. Now I don’t think I could ever move back there.”

“Wow, I had no idea,” you said. “So, did you, like, have fans and groupies and stuff when you were with the Tunnelers?” Your question made Shane laugh and you decided that you liked that sound and wanted to hear it more often.

“Uh, no, not really. There were much more, uh, high profile players than me on the team.”

“C’mon, you didn’t have girls falling over you?” you pushed, nudging his arm playfully. 

“No, not so much,” he mumbled, cheeks pink again but corners of his mouth still upturned. After several seconds of awkward silence, you realized that you hadn’t actually removed your hand from his arm, but instead your fingers were gently wrapped around his sleeve. Pulling your hand back to yourself, it was your turn to blush. 

“You know what sounds good right now?” you finally said, slapping your hand against the tabletop as if you had just had the most brilliant idea in the world. Shane quirked a brow in question. “Some fresh air.” Finishing the rest of your drink, you slid out of the booth and pulled some cash out of your wallet, more than enough to cover your tab and give Emily a nice tip. Throwing it down, you looked at the man in front of you who was still sitting, surprise written on his face. “You coming?”

You didn’t wait for his answer before heading for the door, waving a goodbye to Emily and giving her an okay that you were getting home just fine. The night air felt amazing against your flushed skin. It was still Summer, but Fall was definitely on the way. There was just enough of a crisp on the breeze to make the gentle movement refreshing. 

As you suspected, Shane was right behind you, stepping out into the cool evening as well.

“It’s such a nice night,” you commented, offering a smile. Shane went to stand on the side of the building, wanting to get away from the door and commotion and, as you had said, enjoy the pleasant evening. You followed, grinning when you saw none other than Sebastian already occupying that space and puffing smoke from the end of a cigarette. One of his feet was propped against the wall and his free hand laid across his abdomen, one of the common closed off poses he typically took. 

“Sebastian!” you greeted with a large smile, clearly feeling the effects of all the drinks you’d had. “Enjoying the fresh air, too, huh?”

“I suppose you could put it like that,” he said softly, the ghost of a smirk on his face as he took another drag. “Shane.” He greeted the other man with a polite nod, earning one in return. 

“Hey, could I bum a cigarette off of you?” you asked, grinning broadly when he pulled his pack from his pocket and offered you one. “Thanks.”

“No problem. You want one?” he offered to Shane, but before he could answer, the door of the Saloon opened and Sam’s head popped around the corner.

“Seb, come on! I wanna finish this game!” he urged his friend. “Oh, hey Y/N, hey Shane.” He gave a wave before turning back to his friend. “Abby’s trying to talk to me about that weird guy that lives out by the lake in the woods again and I need a distraction.”

“Alright,” Sebastian said, bidding you and Shane farewell and following his friend inside. 

After he was gone, you took up his spot on the wall, placing the cigarette between your lips while you dug around in your pockets. Finally finding what you wanted, you pulled the small item out with a victorious declaration, flicking the Bic to light your smoke. 

“I didn’t know you smoked,” Shane said, coming to stand next to you on the wall. You took a long drag and blew smoke curls out into the night before eyeing him with a smirk. Your confidence was higher than usual thanks to the alcohol coursing through your system.

“I didn’t know you looked so good under that hoodie,” you shot back, earning a surprised look from Shane. It was dark, but you just knew his cheeks were pink yet again. One of his hands came up to rub the back of his neck. “Why do you wear it all the time?”

“Comfortable, I guess.” You hummed in response, turning your attention back to the distance and drawing off the cigarette a few more times. 

“You want a hit?” you offered. Shane contemplated for a moment, wondering if he would be able to taste what your lips were like if he did take a drag. 

“Nah. Thanks.”

“I don’t smoke, to your earlier comment,” you admitted, turning to put the stick out on the brick wall and walking to toss it in the trash cans. “Just enjoy the little buzz occasionally. When the opportunity presents itself.” You tossed him a flirtatious grin over your shoulder, meandering toward the back of the building.

Shane followed like a puppy, drawn to you, to your elusiveness. He couldn’t remember the last time a woman had flirted with him like this. Well, actually, he took that back, he had gone into the city several months ago and there had been this one…but surely it didn’t make his stomach flutter like this did. 

That is, if he was reading the signs right? Were you flirting, really? Or were you just drunk? He surely knew the signs for that, had spotted them the moment he met you in the saloon months ago like a flashing beacon on your forehead. 

When he came to stand next to you, you were facing Pierre’s, a look of concentration and confusion on your face. 

“You know there’s a calendar with all the townspeoples’ birthdays on it?” you asked quietly. 

“Yeah.”

“Is yours on there?”

“Yeah.”

“When is it?”

“It’s passed. Was in the Spring.” You hummed in response again. 

“You think mine will ever be on there? That I’ll ever…fit in here?”

“You already do,” he said simply. You turned to meet his eyes, searching them for…well, Shane didn’t know what and neither did you. 

“I said everyone here is nice.” He nodded in agreement, not breaking eye contact. You stepped closer. “I meant you, too.” Shane took a long breath in.

“You think so?” It was your turn to nod, bottom lip drawing between your teeth and catching his attention.

“You’re gonna help me with my broken chicken coop. That’s nice.”

“Yeah.”

“You could help me with some other things, too.”

“Like what?” Yoba, he was sure his heart was gonna beat right out of his chest. You were so close to him and your eyes…they were going to be the death of him. 

“You could chop me some firewood.” 

Shane inhaled sharply. It was like time stopped and then you were up on your toes, pressing your lips to his, warm and soft and insistent, and then he was kissing you back.

Your chest pressed to him and he couldn’t help but grab your waist to hold you there, his other hand tangling in your hair. Your hands slid up his arms, one fisting in his hoodie to pull him even closer if that was possible and the other on his stubbled cheek. Sensation overwhelmed Shane, so heavily he could barely process all this, but he wanted more. His tongue traced on your bottom lip and you were all too eager to invite him in, happy to taste him as well. 

Then it hit him.

You tasted like beer.

Fuck, you tasted like fucking beer and Shane broke the kiss, breathing heavily. He couldn’t stay away for long though, because your mouth was seeking his out between pants for breath and fuck if your lips weren’t so fucking soft…

“Y/N, wait-“ he tried, but you cut him off.

“I want this,” you said, your voice steady and firm. “Fuck, I want this. I want you.” 

Your words broke him, heat raging through his body. His mouth crashed to yours again, inhibitions be damned. He spun you around and backed you against the wall of the saloon, earning the sexiest gasp he’d ever fucking heard, and you swore you heard him growl. 

The rough brick scraped against your back, but you didn’t care. You pulled him closer, running your hands to the zipper on his hoodie and pulling it down, sliding it off his shoulders to expose those fucking arms you couldn’t get out of your head for the past week. Shane kissed you harder, pressed into you more insistently, one of his knees coming between your legs easily. You sighed and gasped into his mouth, tugging on his long hair as he moved against you. 

The sound of a door stopped both of you instantly. Whistling. Footsteps. Getting closer. 

Shane pressed a finger to his lips, signaling you to be quiet and pressing you both into the shadows, covering your body with his. 

Tin rustling. 

Gus was taking out the trash on the side, that was all. There was no reason for him to come to the back of the building. Shane sighed with relief when he heard the bar owner walk away and the door of the saloon open and close again. 

“Fuck, Y/N…“ he pulled away from your body, your warmth, your temptation. He couldn’t do this. Not when you were in this state. He had to stop it and have some damn willpower-

“Shane,” you said to his back, but he shook his head.

“We can’t-“

“I’m gonna puke.” He turned in time to see you run around the side of the building, wresting open the trash can lid and retching inside.

With a heavy sigh, he pulled a hand down his face. 

Taking a moment to compose himself, he nodded toward the sky, the universe, he didn’t know. It was sarcastic and jaded. Because of course this would be how his night ended. 

Shane walked around the side of the building, holding your hair and rubbing your back and you purged all the beer you’d had that night, all the excitement, the arousal. When you were finished, he tucked an arm around your waist and headed for the farm.

“Let’s get you home.”


	5. The Forgetful Farmer

An insistent pounding woke you the next morning, your eyes cracking open with a groan as you looked around for the offending noise. Sitting up in bed, you quickly realized that it was your head. 

“Fuck,” you muttered, raising a hand to your forehead and squeezing your eyes shut as more of the hangover hit you. Nausea. Fatigue. And wow did you have to pee. 

You were able to get up and shuffle for the bathroom, doing your business and figuring a shower would help get you motivated for the day. Hell, you didn’t even know what time it was, you could be running majorly behind for all you knew. But that could wait another half hour. Right now, you just needed a shower. And a toothbrush.

Turns out, it was already late morning and you were definitely behind on your daily tasks. You had dressed quickly, downed several glasses of water, and were in the middle of your second granola bar when you noticed the bottle of aspirin conveniently on your table that you did not remember leaving there.

Under the bottle was a note. Picking it up, you read the contents quickly, dread filling your already churning stomach.

‘Left this morning after making sure you were still alive. Sorry about last night.  
PS – let me know about the coop’

The note was signed with Shane’s name and cell number so you could get ahold of him. You read the note a few more times, trying to remember the events of last night. 

Shane brought you home? He was here, in your house…this morning? 

Most importantly, why was he apologizing?

With another glance at the time, you cursed and decided you didn’t have time for this right now. You needed to get into the fields. Filing his number away in your phone, you popped a few of the painkillers he had left out for you, finished your very late breakfast, and headed out the door.

***

“Thank Yoba it’s a little cooler today,” you muttered to yourself, wiping the sweat out of your eyes as you loaded the last baskets of produce into the back of your vehicle. ‘Think I’d throw up in the compost if it was any hotter’, you thought.

_“Shane…I’m gonna puke…” Running, the smell of greasy bar food twisting your gut even more, a warm hand on your back…_

It was starting to come back, bits and pieces. You had been so drunk last night that you’d thrown up outside the saloon. Classy.

And, well fuck, Shane had seen the awful mess. He’d helped you as you got sick, helped you get home safely, stayed with you through the night apparently to make sure you were okay. Yoba, how out of it were you???

***

Finally, you were getting around to checking out the Jeep. It was still making the awful noise from yesterday, maybe even worse, and while you didn’t know a ton about cars, you knew enough to look around and make a good guess. Unlatching the hood, you sighed to yourself, hoping that you’d be able to figure this out before nightfall.

“Okay, sweetie, let’s get under there, huh?”

_“I didn’t know you looked so good under that hoodie.” Smirking. Blushing cheeks. Cigarette smoke._

Fuck, did you seriously fucking hit on him shamelessly at the saloon last night? What the fuck had gotten into you?! You almost banged your head against the hood of the car as the memory jolted you.  
At least now you knew why your mouth tasted like an ashtray this morning. 

It took longer than you hoped to inspect your vehicle, but you thought you had pinpointed the problem. At least, you hoped so because if you were right then it would be an easy fix. Just a few more things to check before you could be sure.

A strong breeze had kicked up this evening, likely the preamble to a late season thunderstorm. It had gotten strong enough, though, that you shivered a bit, wishing you had a sweatshirt on…

_Soft, worn material under your fingertips. A cool metal tab, pulling, unzipping, off…a gentle thud as fabric hit the ground at your feet. Then it was warm, muscled skin under your touch, running up, up, up, to wrap in soft hair, cup a stubbled cheek…_

“HOLY fuck,” you shouted at the memory, this time actually smacking the back of your head against the hood and letting out a yelp at the sharp pain. Stumbling backward, you took in the puzzle pieces of your previous evening, everything starting to fall together now.

You fucking made out with Shane.

What. The. FUCK.

“Oh…oh- this is bad. This is so bad.” Panic rising within, you dropped the hood closed and left the car, rushing back toward the house as a million and one thoughts raced through your mind.  
‘How could this happen? How did I even- what did I have to drink? Did he…he still brought me home. Oh holy fuck, we made out and then I yakked. That is beyond embarrassing.’ 

A myriad of feelings swept over you as you tried to process all this. Humiliation. Embarrassment. Fear. Shame. Anxiety. Dread. Self-loathing. Disgust. A flutter of excitement. Shame at the excitement. More embarrassment.

“So this is why he apologized in the note,” you mumbled, finally figuring it out. It hadn’t made sense to you before, but now…

Yoba, you were the one that needed to apologize! You had created this mess and now it was time to put on your big girl panties and fucking clean it up. Gathering all the resolve you could muster, you pulled out your phone and found his contact.

And then just stared at it like you had forgotten how to use a phone.

Should you send a text? Call? Send a text asking if you could call?

Throw your phone in the river, burn the note, act like nothing happened, never leave the farm again, and die a hermit?

Okay, the last one probably wasn’t an option.

Taking a few deep breaths, you decided it was probably best to just call. If he didn’t answer then you could send a text as a follow-up. Every ring made your stomach flip, leg bouncing anxiously as you waited to see if the next sound would be his voice-

“Hello?” There it was, deep and gravelly. You jumped from the chair, eyes going wide and mouth floundering for a response. Nothing. “Uh, hello?” he asked again.

“H-hey,” you finally managed, silently hitting yourself in the forehead. “It’s Y/N.”

“Oh, hey,” Shane replied, voice shifting in a way that you couldn’t identify. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay, thanks to you. Been a bit of a rough day, but…um about last night…”

Tense silence on the other end of the line. You cringed at yourself, trying to find the right words. 

“I honestly can’t even thank you enough for bringing me home. I must have been, uh, really out of it. Did- did you stay last night?”

“Yeah, I- I crashed on your couch. You were getting really sick and I wanted to make sure that you were alright,” Shane explained. “Sorry if that was weird-“

“No, no!” you assured him, not wanting to give the wrong impression. “I really appreciate it, thank you so much. Honestly, I…” you sighed, running a hand down your face. “I don’t remember…everything…from last night. So, I don’t even know how drunk I was.” 

More tense silence and then a strained reply.

“What, uh, do you remember?”

“I know that we…we- um-“

“Yeah.”

Damnit, even that rung a fucking bell for a memory that hadn’t quite resurfaced. 

“Shane, I’m really sorry,” you blurted, not being able to take it anymore. “I never should have…tried anything and I just- I was in a pretty messed up mental space last night and I just want you to know….I mean, not that that’s the only reason why I would- would want to kiss you! I just- you should know that I wasn’t myself even before I got to the saloon and…”

“Y/N, it’s okay,” Shane finally said, cutting off your rambling. His voice was much less strained now, an air of comfort to his words. “Really. I should be apologizing, I’m the one that let it get that far. I knew you had been drinking and I shouldn’t have taken advantage-“

“Please don’t think that,” you interrupted, voice urgent. “You did not do anything…anything wrong, Shane. I would never think of last night as you taking advantage of me and you shouldn’t either. Seriously. It’s on me, okay? And I’m really sorry.” 

Yoba, you hoped he understood. You waited for several seconds, desperately wanting him to take your message to heart. 

“I’m just glad you’re alright,” he finally spoke. Your body sagged with relief. 

“Me too. Listen, do you think we could put this behind us? It’s just…well, I really enjoy your company…” Once again, major cringe. “Okay, now I sound like an elderly cat lady.” That earned a chuckle at least. “What I mean is that I do like hanging out with you. Talking. Toasting to cheap beer. And I…I look forward to hopefully working with you on that chicken coop once I get the farm to that point. And I just- well, I wouldn’t want anything to jeopardize that.”

“I wouldn’t either,” he agreed, making you smile. “Don’t worry about it, okay?”

“Thanks, Shane, really.”

Bidding each other goodbye, you hung up the phone with a sigh of relief, so much of the pent-up anxiety leaving your system. Even without the hangover and long day of work that phone call would have exhausted you.

‘Time to make better choices from here on out,’ you ordered yourself, heading for the shower to rinse the grease from your hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: the compost comment was inspired by actual events that happened to my poor sweet boyfriend after a night of heavy drinking before his first official day on the farm we worked at together. Thankfully, I wasn't working that morning ;)


	6. The Moonlight Jellies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know it's in the tags already but I wanted to add a trigger warning at the beginning of this chapter. We're going to be seeing just a smidge into the farmer's past at the start of the chapter and even though it doesn't outright explain certain events in detail, there is heavy implication and I just wanted to make everyone aware. If you are triggered by domestic violence, abuse, and/or any references to potential rape, then please skip the beginning of the chapter (italicized portion) and just know that the farmer is experiencing a nightmare related to her past. Also, just a note, this is just a nightmare, not necessarily EXACTLY what happened in their past, but stems from those events (which we haven't fully covered yet).  
> Thanks so much everyone! I'm loving writing this story so much and I can't wait to keep developing it :)

_“You ungrateful little bitch!” The words were spit at you with such venom but honestly, they didn’t even hurt at this point. No, it was the throbbing of your newly formed black eye and the pounding in your head that hurt._

_You tried to get to the door, so close, but you just couldn’t move fast enough. One large hand locked onto your upper arm, making you gasp in pain with the force of it, but that was quickly cut off as another hand cracked across your jaw._

_Your body hit the ground, too dizzy with the impact and pain to stay upright. Coppery taste seeped onto your tongue. Blood._

_“Just a stupid little whore,” he breathed, words slurring with anger. “I’ll show you how much of a worthless fucking whore you are.” Dropping to his knees next to you, his hands wrapped around your ankles and pulled your curled body apart._

_The jolt was enough to get you your senses back, panic welling in your chest. You struggled and flailed, but it only served to make you more breathless than you already were. No, you needed to get out, to get to the door. It was so close, right there, your fingers could almost get there-_

_Unzipping. Rustling. More panic. Desperately reaching, reaching, trying…_

_Your leggings were ripped so hard that it left marks on your thighs._

_Helplessness overwhelmed you, fresh tears pouring down your face as you tried so hard to scream, but no sound would come out, and then he was-_

You woke with a start, the echo of a scream dying in your throat as you took in your surroundings. Your heart was beating rapidly, body covered in sweat, eyes darting around the room rapidly and brain working a million miles an hour.

You were in bed. _Your_ bed. Alone. At the farm.

Feeling your body with shaking hands just to make sure, you didn’t find any cuts or bruises, no throbbing, no blood.

Safe. You were safe.

After letting your heart rate settle back to normal levels, you lifted yourself out of bed and checked the time on your phone. Only an hour before your alarm, might as well get up and start the day. The sun hadn’t risen yet, so you carefully made your way to the bathroom in the dark, flinching at the brightness of the overhead lights as you flipped the switch. A splash of cold water helped ground you from the nightmare. 

Yoba, you felt like shit. The nightmare had stolen all restful sleep from you, your body robbed of a recharge. Looking in the mirror, you saw that you looked like it, too. Dark bags had formed under your eyes, which were also bloodshot, and the color hadn’t quite returned to your face.

“Well, I guess that’s what coffee’s for,” you sighed to yourself, shuffling off to the kitchen to put on a pot and get the day started.

Once you were out the door, you immediately headed for the fields. Most of the crops that were left needed to be harvested and you had to prep the beds for a new stock of seed. Getting started earlier would be better anyway so as to beat the heat.

***

It had taken the better part of the morning to harvest everything. After hauling it back to the house to get ready for Pierre’s, your growling stomach convinced you to stop for an early lunch. Checking the mail on your way past, you found a letter from Demetrius inviting you to come to the beach for the Dance of the Moonlight Jellies later that evening.

Fuck, you had totally forgotten that Sam had invited you to that a couple weeks ago. Hell, it seemed a lot longer ago with everything that had happened in between.

Since you’d gotten an earlier start than planned that day, you decided that you could take the time to go tonight, appease Sam and the townspeople and do your social duty. Somehow, you just knew that it would be what your grandpa wanted.  
***  
The last night of Summer was cool, at least enough for a long-sleeved shirt. That was better anyway because your arms were bruised up from the heavy produce crates you’d been carrying the last few weeks. 

The evening was pleasant enough, so you decided to walk down to the beach, smiling at each firefly you saw on your way. Passing the ranch and seeing a light on, you vaguely wondered if Shane would be attending tonight. Knots twisted in your stomach at the thought of seeing him. Briefly, you thought about turning back and going home instead, not wanting to deal with the nerves. But instead, you pressed on. 

‘Better choices, remember? Big girl panties on,’ you thought to yourself. 

You hadn’t been to the beach very often since you had moved to Pelican Town, especially not at night, but now you were beginning to regret that. As the wooded path opened up and the dirt turned to sand, you paused a moment to take it all in.

The sun had just set not long ago, leaving the sky a layering of colors, slowly dotting with stars as they became visible. The smell and sound of the water made you feel alive, adventurous. Tiki torches were set up to light the beach, the breeze making the flames dance gently. With renewed excitement, you set off for the docks where most of the townspeople appeared to be congregated. 

“Hi Marnie,” you greeted as you came up to the older woman standing at the base of the wooden pier. She turned to greet you with a nervous smile, making you raise your eyebrows. “Are you alright?”

“Oh, fine, fine,” she said. “I just don’t understand how so many people can think it’s a good idea to go stand out on that pier! It’s been here for as long as I can remember, which is a way back let me tell you, and not once have a I ever seen it worked on!”

“Isn’t that a good sign?” you asked with a chuckle, amused at the way she eyed the old wooden structure suspiciously.

“Oh, you would think so, but it also means that you can’t be sure how safe it really is,” she replied, shaking her head. “I’ll just stay back here. My view is perfectly fine.”

Marnie asked you how things were going at the farm and about your plans for the upcoming Fall season. You happily discussed your pumpkin growing endeavors with her and the stress of the end of season prep. Your conversation was interrupted, however, by a young girl running up to Marnie sniffling and hiccupping uncontrollably.

“Jas? Sweetie, what’s wrong?” Marnie asked her, holding the girl’s small frame as she clung to Marnie’s legs. She tossed a concerned glance over at you as if to apologize, but you shook your head gently. 

“V- Vincent doesn’t wanna p- play with me,” she stuttered, words getting caught in her sobs.

“Well, maybe he’s just tired, honey,” Marnie suggested. “You’ve been playing since we got here. Besides, the jellies are going to be coming out soon.”

“He- he said it’s b- because he wants to- to spend time with his dad now,” the little girl told her, more tears spilling over. “I m- miss my dad.”

“Oh, Jas, sweetheart…” You could see the concern and the heartbreak on Marnie’s face as she rubbed the little girl’s back. Even your heart was breaking for the kid and you didn’t even know her. “It’s okay.” You began to feel awkward, feeling as though you were witnessing something you shouldn’t be, when the girl suddenly lifted her head from Marnie’s body where it had been resting and broke away from her arms. 

You watched as she ran to someone walking down the beach and wrapped them in a hug much like the one she had just had Marnie in. The person lifted the girl up into their arms and began to carry her, heading for the dock. As they grew closer, light from the bright moon that was now overhead and the torches around the dock illuminated their face.  
It was Shane.

Shane had a fucking kid?!

Shock coursed through you at the sight. This was honestly the last thing you had expected, but also you supposed you didn’t know him _that_ well, so…yeah, it was entirely possible. Your brain tried to process this information but before he could reach you and Marnie, Sam came jogging over, waving and calling your name.

“Y/N, you made it! Awesome!” he said, a huge smile splitting his face. “Seb and Abigail are over on the other dock, they have a great spot to see the jellies. It’ll be perfect for your first time! Wanna come?” The combination of not knowing how to tell others no and wanting to put some distance between yourself and the whole situation with Jas and her father had you saying goodbye to Marnie and following Sam with a shrugged ‘sure’. 

“They’re all like a blue purpley color and they glow, which is super cool. But there’s one that’s really big and it’s green. They say that seeing the green one is good luck, so let’s hope it comes out tonight.” Sam shot you a wink that you answered with an uncomfortable grin. 

“Oh, hey farmer Y/N,” Abigail greeted, smiling widely as you joined their small group. “First time seeing the moonlight jellies?”

“Yeah,” you answered. “I’ve heard great things, though.”

“You’ll love it.” Stuffing your hands in your pockets, you looked out over the ocean, glancing around the docks and shoreline, maybe subtly trying to get another glimpse of Shane and his daughter…

“Want one?” You turned around to see Sebastian offering you a smoke as he puffed on the freshly lit one between his own lips. 

“Oh, that’s okay. Thanks, though.” So that was where you had gotten that cigarette a few weeks ago…

Shaking the thoughts of that night and the chaos and embarrassment that had followed, you listened instead to Sam and Abigail talking about the upcoming fair and Spirit’s Eve within the next few months. While it had been daunting at first, you were starting to enjoy all the community events that Pelican Town put on throughout the year. 

Then there was a shout from somewhere on the other pier, a murmur breaking out across the beach, and then you saw it. Still far off in the distance, coming just past the horizon now, was a small glow bobbing in the water. 

“Here they come!” Abigail said, bouncing with excitement. “See em, Y/N?”

“Yeah,” you breathed, already amazed. “Oh, wow, they’re beautiful…” The jellies slowly floated toward the shore line, their glow ethereal in the gentle waters. You were hypnotized, crouching down to get a closer look at them. 

Nothing else mattered right then. Not the stress of ending one season and starting another, not the situation with Shane, not his surprise child, not your past, nothing. Nothing but these beautiful, magnificent creatures of the sea, swimming on their way, Stardew Valley just a stop on their path.

After awhile, the jellies were gone and the townspeople began to disperse, bidding goodnights to each other and heading for home. You weren’t ready to leave just yet, though, instead remaining sitting on the dock and looking out into the water. Something in the waves just had a hold on you, emotion bubbling in your chest. 

“We’re heading out, Y/N, you coming?” Abigail asked as she and her friends turned to go. 

“No, that’s okay. Hey, thanks for letting me join you guys tonight,” you told her with a gentle smile, waving back at Sam and Sebastian. 

And just like that, you were alone. You knew it was late and you had an early day tomorrow, but you didn’t care. It was just you and the water, bathed in moonlight, the wonderment of the jellies still overwhelming you with something you couldn’t quite explain.

“Kind of… _bewitching_ your first time, huh?” You spun around to see none other than Shane, hands stuffed into his jacket pockets, looking out at the sea with a faint smile. “The jellies were here a year ago and they’ll be back a year from now. Nature is amazing.”

“Yeah,” you agreed, focusing your attention back on the horizon. You felt Shane sit down next to you on the old dock, grunting with the effort to do so and making you snort. “Your knees okay there, old man?” you joked.

“Hey now, I’m not _that_ old, despite feeling it,” he countered with a chuckle. One of the pauses that seemed to frequent your conversations with him interjected itself.

“How old _are you_ , Shane?” you asked softly, realizing that you honestly didn’t know. He took longer than you expected to answer. 

“29.” You hummed in response, picking your next words carefully.

“How old is Jas?”

“She’s 7 now.” Throwing caution to the wind, you took a leap.

“So you…had her young then.” Your heart was beating hard in your chest, not sure if you would be overstepping and making him uncomfortable. Shane inhaled and leaned back on his hands. 

“Jas isn’t my daughter,” he confessed, making your head snap around to look at him.

“What? But earlier, with Marnie, she said-“

“I’m her godfather,” Shane explained. “And her legal guardian. Her parents died when she was a baby.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry. That must have been awful.” Shane nodded, sitting back up and fidgeting with his hands now.

“It was- is. She’s had a hell of a life already and she’s barely even lived one.”

“Can I…can I ask what happened?” you asked softly. Shane seemed to contemplate for a few moments before deciding that he trusted you enough to open up, even if it was just a fraction.

“Car accident. Drunk driver. I was babysitting her that night so they could have a date night for the first time in months. Her dad was my best friend, we played for the Tunnelers together for a couple years. He was a lot better than I was, though.” You listened intently, watching the emotions roll over Shane’s features. The happiness of memories with old friends, the sadness of losing them. “I was there when he found out he was gonna be a dad, there for Jas’ birth. I was like, the third or fourth person to hold her when she was born. You never forget it, you know. The minute she opened those big green eyes and looked up at me…I was done. Even now all she has to do is blink those big ole emeralds up at me and man, that’s it.” Shane chuckled. “They loved her so much. Tried to give her everything they could in the world. Sometimes I still wonder why they thought I could do the same if something ever happened to them.”

“They obviously saw how much you loved their little girl,” you told him softly, reaching out to rest a hand on his leg. 

“Yeah, well, after it all happened, I was a fucking mess. For a long time. I knew that they had named me godfather- hell, I nearly cried when they told me- but I never expected to have to…to have that role actually be _necessary_ someday, you know?. Needless to say, I was not prepared to raise a kid, let alone a baby. My shitty apartment in the city wasn’t suitable for her and playing for the Tunnelers was not a conducive career to raising a baby. Child services was involved. The only way I could keep Jas from going into the system, to make sure that she got the life that her parents wanted from her, was to bring her here, to the Valley. CPS came and checked out Marnie, her ranch, the school system, the community. Evidently it was good enough because here we are, all these years later.”

Without any words to offer, you simply smiled at him, squeezing his thigh gently before removing your hand. Shane turned his eyes to you, gaze focused and intense. 

“And here you are, too,” he murmured.

“Here I am,” you replied softly, not breaking eye contact with him. The air between you grew tense, despite the cool ocean breeze sweeping through. Shane finally broke the silence, clearing his throat and plastering a goofy grin on his face. 

“Alright, farmer girl, you asked me some questions, do I get a turn?”

“Go ahead.”

“We’ll start off easy. How old are _you_?” he asked. How was it that despite the events that conspired between the two of you, neither of you knew some of the most basic information about one another?

“Guess.”

“Hey, that’s not fair-“

_“Guess.”_

“Fine. Um, 23?”

“Close, but no cigar. 24,” you told him. “Soon to be 25, though.”

“Ah, an autumn birthday. Exciting.”

“Give me another question, c’mon,” you told him, lightly nudging his shoulder with your own.

“Okay. What did you do in the city, before you moved here?”

“Ah, you’ll love this. I was a ‘customer satisfaction consultant’ for Joja Corp,” you confessed, glancing at him with an amused grin. “I sat in a boring, colorless, office cubicle in the basement of Joja headquarters. Stared at a computer all day, occasionally answered the phone. Just a mindless cog in the ever-turning wheels of Joja.”

“Shit,” Shane mumbled. “Sounds horrible.”

“It was. I’ll never miss that job.”

“Is that why you left? Came to the Valley?” he asked. It was a completely harmless question, the next logical one in this progressive game. Nonetheless, it made you bristle. 

“I…I guess you could say that,” you lied. “I needed a change.” 'Yeah, for the sake of your fucking life', you thought bitterly. Shane noted the change in your body language, the subtle shift in tone. He knew it wasn’t the truth, but if you didn’t want to tell him, that was your business. The silence stretched between you until Shane finally stood up, reaching a hand out to you.

“C’mon, it’s late. I’ll walk you home,” he offered. You supposed it was probably time to head back. Taking his hand, you rose to your feet and, for the first time, didn’t protest his offer of escort.

When you reached Marnie’s ranch, however, you insisted that you could make it home by yourself, there was no reason for him to have to double back and lose out on more sleep. Shane finally conceded when you agreed to send him a text letting him know you were home. Bidding each other goodnight, he watched as you headed off for the southern entrance of the farm, disappearing into the darkness, arms wrapped protectively around yourself. 

Quietly as he could, he slipped into the house and locked the door behind him. After checking on Jas to see she was asleep, Shane headed for his room, nearly having a heart attack when he was met by a dark figure in the kitchen sitting at the table.

“Shit, Marnie,” he breathed, hand on his chest and eyes wide. “You scared me. What are you still doing up?”

“Oh, couldn’t sleep just yet,” his aunt replied. “Figured I would wait up for you. Wasn’t sure you’d come back tonight, though.” Shane could hear the slight smirk in her voice, the suggestion apparent.

“It’s not like that,” he grumbled, trying to dismiss her as he moved to the cupboard, finding a glass and filling it with cold water. 

“Shane, I may be old but I’m not blind,” Marnie scoffed.

“Maybe you should get your eyes checked then.” Shane resented the fact that it was too dark for Marnie to see him glaring at her. 

“I’m just saying, you seem to like each other. Why not go for it? Shane, you’ve done so well for yourself; stepping up for Jas, taking over the chickens here, getting your life…well, together. I’m proud of you.” Okay, now he was grateful for the darkness to hide his reddening cheeks. His aunt stood up, coming over to pat his arm. “You deserve to be happy.”

“I am happy. I have Jas, and you, and the chickens-“

“It’s not the same thing,” Marnie interjected. “Trust me.” With that, she turned and headed for her room. Just before she was out of the kitchen, though, Shane’s phone pinged. He pulled it from his pocket to find a text from you. Yet again, he could practically feel Marnie’s smirk in the darkness.

“Not a word,” he warned, watching as she walked off with a chuckle before turning back to his phone.

_F - Made it home in one piece_

_S - Glad to hear it  
Hey, sorry if our conversation was a little too…deep tonight_

_F – no, I really enjoyed it. Thanks for telling me about Jas’ parents  
For the record, I think it’s great what you’re doing for her_

Shane couldn’t help but grin the tiniest bit at the message. 

_S – well she’s a great kid, so_

_F – she seems like it_  
_Alright, I’ve got a whole new crop to plant in the morning so I’m gonna hit the hay_  
_Goodnight_

__

_S – Night_

Still wearing that stupid grin, Shane headed off to bed himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F and S at the end there are to distinguish which messages belong to who. The F is for Farmer and the S is for Shane.  
> Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you think!!!


	7. A Dingy Old Coop

Autumn swooped in full force, the air quickly turning crisper and the leaves on the trees beginning to shift in color. You made the trip to Pierre’s the morning after the beach, grateful for the couple extra hours to sleep in since you couldn’t do much until you picked up your seeds and the shop didn’t open until 9 am. 

“That should be everything you circled in the catalogue, farmer Y/N,” Pierre told you brightly, handing over the large tote bag. The shopkeeper’s daughter turned from straightening the produce on the shelves behind you.

“I can’t wait to see the pumpkins once they’re grown!” Abigail called, a large excited smile on her face.

“Yeah, hopefully they turn out alright,” you replied with a sheepish grin. “Thanks, Pierre,” you said, handing over a large stack of money. “Here’s what I owe you. Have a good one.”

“You too.” 

And with that, you headed back out toward the farm to get started on the long day that laid ahead of you.

***

When people talked about autumn being the busiest season for farmers, Yoba, they weren’t kidding. This was exhaustion like you had never felt before. If you hadn’t already prepped the fields before buying seeds, you didn’t know if there would be time enough for anything to grow before winter came.

It took several long days to get everything in the ground. You had expanded this season, so that also meant expanding the irrigation system. To top it off, crows had been lingering around the farm recently, perching on fence posts and cawing menacingly as they eyed the fresh seeds you laid down. To keep the birds at bay, you constructed several scarecrows and man, were they a frightening sight. Crafts had never been your strong suit and your scarecrows looked deformed and lumpy. You had tried to put a pleasant smiling face on one, but it instead it turned out to look like a horrifying evil grin. 

“At least it’ll keep the damned crows away from my crops,” you mumbled, setting the last one up and wiping the sweat from your brow. 

You were ready to move on to your next big task: getting the coop ready. Ideally you would have liked to get it inspected and repaired before winter, maybe even get some chicks in there, but at this rate you thought the birds might have to wait until next spring. 

It took you another several days to clear enough of the debris around the old structure to make it accessible. You hadn’t used a pickaxe much, but it was the only thing you had to break up and move the large rocks embedded in the dirt. Your back had never hurt so much in your life.

Of course, all this hard work took up the majority of your daylight, which meant that by the time you wandered down to the saloon, it was already dark. It wasn’t much of a social experience this season, no, you were too tired for that. Instead, you would walk in, order your drink, sit alone at the bar, get refill after refill, and once Gus announced last call, throw your money on the bar and trek home. 

The alcohol helped you fall into a deep sleep once you got home, mostly unbothered by nightmares. The hangovers the following morning distracted you from the other physical aches and pains of your hard work.

***

Finally, after so much hard work, you were ready to have Shane come over and look at your coop. You sent him a text, setting up a time for him to come over in the next few days. When he strolled up the farm path from the direction of the ranch, you waved at him from the fields where you were checking the crops. 

“Hey!” you greeted happily, a wide smile on your lips as he walked up. 

“Hey,” he returned. “How’re the crops?”

“Oh, they’re growing just fine. I should have my first harvest off some of them soon. The pumpkins are definitely starting to pop out, which is exciting. I have a feeling that I’m gonna be even more busy than I have been once that starts up. Plus, I have to start getting ready for the Stardew Fair.”

“Sounds like a lot on your plate,” Shane said, looking out over the fields. “So, where’s this old coop I’ve heard so much about?”

“Right this way!” Shane followed you to your old Jeep and you drove down as close as you could get. It was still a hike to the coop, situated out in the far corner of the farm, but it was better than walking the entire way. “Here she is,” you announced, walking up to the paint-chipped door.

“Damn,” Shane mumbled under his breath as you stepped inside. The interior was covered in cobwebs and a layer of grime, several of the nesting boxes were broken, and the grain dispenser wasn’t functional. “When you said it was in rough shape, you weren’t kidding.”

“Yeah,” you sighed, pursing your lips as you looked around. Shane walked up to a few of the major problems, inspecting them more closely. “Do you think it can be salvaged? Or am I looking at a total rebuild?”

“It’s not great, but I think with some hard work, Robin’s carpentry skills, and some major cleaning, you should be able to fix it up. I could draw up some suggestions if you like?” he offered. 

“Really? That would be great!” you told him, relief washing over you. “I was thinking about installing a solar activated door control. If I put the panel on this wall, the hens will be able to get out as soon as the sun comes up without having to wait on me.” You walked across the coop to show him where you were thinking.

That’s when it happened. 

A loud creak, immediately followed by a _CRACK_ , and then a scream of surprise and a loud thud. 

Your foot had landed on a weak spot in the boards, the floor giving way beneath you. 

“Y/N!” Shane cried, coughing in the cloud of dust that had kicked up. “Shit, are you alright?!” 

“Fuck me,” you hissed in pain, your leg firmly wedged into the newly opened hole in the floor and body ringing with the impact of hitting the floor. 

“Can you pull your leg out?” Shane asked, an edge of panic in his voice as he knelt next to you. 

“No, not at this angle,” you panted, trying with all your might to free yourself from this damned hole. “Fuck, my ankle. I don’t think it’s supposed to twist that way.” A low growl of frustration and pain rumbled in your throat. Shane looked over at your other leg that wasn’t sitting halfway through the floorboards, cursing at the awkward twist your ankle was sitting at. 

“Okay, we’re gonna straighten out your free leg first. It’s probably gonna hurt.” You took a deep breath and nodded at him, watching and flinching as he carefully lifted your leg, one hand supporting your injured ankle, and set it in a much more comfortable position. “Better?” he asked, looking up at you.

“Putting the whole leg-in-a-hole situation aside, yeah. That feels better.”

“Can you pull it out now?” Try as you might, you just couldn’t get the right leverage. You smacked your hand against the floor of the coop in anger, starting to feel claustrophobic at not being able to move much. 

“FUCK!” you shouted angrily, breathing picking up as you fought the rising panic.

“Hey, we’re gonna get you out Y/N, it’s okay,” Shane assured. He adjusted his position, taking another look at just how you were trapped in there. “Okay, I think I’ve got it. I’m gonna…put…” Shane’s cheeks turned pink as he reached for your leg before pulling back and sighing. “I’m going to grab your- your thigh here. If that’s okay?”

“Grab anything you want, please let’s just get me out of here,” you panted. There was a tense pause and now your cheeks were pink, too. 

“Alright, I need you to lift or pull, whatever you can do, while I do the same. Got it?” you nodded, more than ready to be out of this damn floor. “Okay, one, two, three…” A few hisses of pain and several grunts later, your leg was free of the hole and you lay stretched out against the floor of the coop breathing heavily but happy to be able to move both of your legs. 

“Fuck, thank Yoba you were with me or I would’ve been stuck in there for who knows how long,” you said, smiling up at Shane gratefully. The man returned a tense grin and you noticed his hand shaking just the slightest bit as he ran his fingers through his hair.

“We need to get you to Harvey,” he said, standing up and offering you a hand to do the same. “Is there any way your Jeep can get down here?”

“I don’t need to go see the doctor,” you insisted, scoffing at the thought and trying to wave him off. 

“Y/N your ankle is twisted at best, your jeans are ripped, and-“ Shane bent down to inspect the tears in your pants, “-you’re fucking _bleeding_. We’re going to see Harvey.” You supposed it wouldn’t do any good to keep arguing with him, so with a sigh you agreed.

“Fine. But the Jeep can’t get down here, I haven’t finished clearing the paths. We’ll have to walk,” you said, carefully making it onto your feet with Shane’s help. 

It took longer than usual with your bum ankle to make it back to the car, longer than it probably would’ve taken if you’d just given in and let Shane carry you like he kept offering instead of having him support half of your limping body. Nonetheless, you made it. Wordlessly, Shane helped you in and hopped in the driver’s seat, heading off for Harvey’s clinic. Thankfully the drive wasn’t too terribly long because you were sure you’d die if the silence between you had to draw out for much longer. 

Shane helped you into the clinic, passing you off to Harvey as he came around from behind the counter to take you back into one of the examination rooms. 

“Y/N,” he called after you, the slightest bit of a worried expression on his face. “I’ll- I’ll wait out here for you. When you’re done.” You offered a small smile and nodded before disappearing behind the swinging clinic doors.

Shane didn’t have to too wait long, but it felt like an eternity as he sat and sat, restlessly flipping through the magazines Harvey had laying out in the waiting room, scrolling through apps on his phone, constantly checking the clock. Yoba, what was wrong with him? You were obviously fine. Fine enough to fight him on coming to the doctor in the first place, fine enough to argue all the way to the car as you limped along, fine enough to smile at him as you went back. Nevertheless, he was impatient.

Finally, Harvey emerged from the back of the building, Shane jumping out of his chair as soon as he heard the doors. The doctor approached with a small smile, relief washing over Shane.  
“Y/N’s going to be just fine Shane,” Harvey informed him. “Her ankle isn’t even sprained, just hyperextended when she fell. I her looked over and cleaned the cuts on her other leg. Everything looks fine. She should be ready to go in a few minutes.”

“Thanks, Doc. ‘Preciate you takin’ a look at her.”

“Thank YOU for making her come in,” Harvey said. “Some of those cuts were pretty dirty. Speaking of, I need to discuss one thing with you.” The clinician’s tone had suddenly changed, becoming a bit more serious and much more concerned. Shane was right back to being on edge. “To make sure nothing entered in through the cut that could cause some more serious issues- it was a chicken coop floor after all- I ran a simple blood test. Everything came back normal, no cause for worry of an infection or anything. But…her blood alcohol level was, well, slightly elevated.”

Shane’s stomach dropped. Then the anger set in.

“Did you…” Harvey’s voice was much gentler now. “Did you see her drinking anything today?”

“No,” Shane replied, his voice gruff. “I was just there to look at the chicken coop. Hadn’t even been around for an hour before she fell.” Harvey nodded in understanding.

“If you’d like to go back and see her…” He didn’t even finish before Shane was through the double doors, storming into your examination room.

“Hey! Did you hear? I’m all good-“ you started with a smile, but were instantly cut off.

“How could you not tell me you had been fucking drinking, Y/N?” Shane asked, tone hard and angry. “What the fuck were you thinking, wandering around an old coop when you weren’t in the right mind? Hell, you shouldn’t be doing ANY farm work with alcohol in your system!”

“Not in my right- _excuse me?!_ ” you shot back. You’d never seen Shane like this before and it was honestly a little shocking, but his words had you on the defensive. “I’m not fucking drunk, Shane! I had a couple of beers with lunch, that’s it. I felt fine then, I feel fine now, I am fine.”

“It is not fucking _fine_ , Y/N,” Shane growled. “You could have gotten seriously hurt! You DID get hurt!”

The argument ensued for several minutes, poor Harvey nervously waiting at the clinic counter trying his best not to listen to the fight. It was hard, though, when your voices carried so clearly out into the reception area. 

The two of you finally emerged from the back, faces still red from shouting but both much quieter now. Harvey offered a sheepish smile and tried not to let on that he had heard most of your argument. After running a quick check on his computer, he cleared you to go and out the door you went. 

You didn’t even try to argue that you could drive with your wrapped ankle, it wasn’t like it was in a boot or anything, instead just letting Shane take you back to the farm. Harvey had given you some crutches to help you just for a couple of days to keep weight off of your ankle and you didn’t know how you were going to do farm work with these things, but you’d figure that out later. The task at hand was simply getting up the porch steps.

“Here, let me-“ Shane began to offer, reaching out for your arm, but you waved him off.

“I’ve got it,” was your curt reply. Shane pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, trying his best not to snap angrily at you.

“Y/N, if you’d just let me help this would go a lot faster.”

“I said, I’ve got it.” You had never had to use crutches before and weren’t quite sure exactly how to tackle the stairs. You weren’t even sure they were adjusted to your height properly, but that didn’t stop you from trying.

And trying.

For a solid five minutes.

“You know, you could’ve been inside with your foot propped up by now if you’d just let me help,” Shane said, looking at you plainly.

“Ugh fine.” He showed you how to use the crutches on the stairs and then, instead of letting you try and waiting around for another five minutes, he scooped you up and carried you onto the porch, placing you carefully in front of the door before opening it for you and watching you hobble inside. 

‘Don’t blush, you’re annoyed dammit,’ you ordered yourself.

Shane headed to your freezer as you adjusted some chairs at your kitchen table, pulling out a bag of frozen broccoli sporting the Joja logo.

“Really?” he asked, eyebrows raised. “Aren’t you a farmer?”

“Don’t judge me, I’m still new to this whole ‘grow your own food’ thing.” His joke seemed to lighten the mood enough for you to offer a small grin.

Wrapping the frozen bag in a towel as you disappeared for a few moments, he grabbed a pillow from your couch and placed it on the chair for you. You returned shortly with a basket hanging off of your arm, a smile on your face. 

“Just thought I’d grab a few things so I don’t have to get up for awhile,” you said, pulling out a few puzzle books, your phone charger, and your laptop.

“Well, it looks like you’re set.” Shane started toward the door. “You need anything else? Want me to put in a frozen pizza or something for you to eat?”

“Thanks, but I think I’m good. I’ll just warm up my ankle broccoli once it thaws. I appreciate all your help today, really.” You offered him a warm smile, reaching out for his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. That earned you another blush. 

“Call me if you need anything.” With that, he was out the door and you were alone. Sighing heavily, you sat for a moment to let all the tension and anger and fear from the day flow out of you. 

Reaching down for your basket, you grabbed what was skillfully placed under the blanket you’d grabbed, a glass and a bottle of Apple Crown. Pouring a nice portion, you gratefully took a long sip, eyes fluttering shut and a groan leaving you as the alcohol burned its way down your throat.

“Hey, here’s- are you fucking serious right now?” Shane was suddenly in your doorway, surprise and then anger dancing across his features. 

“What are you- doing here?” you demanded, trying to mask your shock. “You can’t just burst into peoples’ houses like that!” It was a weak argument seeing as he was just in your house not ten minutes ago, but it was all you had in the moment.

“It took me a few minutes but I realized I forgot to leave your car keys, so I was just bringing them back.” His dark eyes landed on the bottle on your table and darted to the basket at your feet. “Did you hide that fucking bottle in there so I wouldn’t see it?”

“Shane, this is MY house, why would I be hiding anything from you when I’m in my own fucking house?” Your voice had risen along with the annoyance inside of you. The man scoffed. 

“Because I know how this works, Y/N!”

“How what works?” Your eyes narrowed, waiting to see if he would go there. 

He didn’t. 

Instead, he took a deep breath before speaking again.

“Y/N, just give me the bottle and I’ll put it away and-“

“No,” now you were the one scoffing. “I’m a big girl, Shane, if I want to have a drink after a stressful day then I am allowed!”

“It’s not-“ he began shouting but stopped himself. “It is not just one drink. You had alcohol in your system while you were _working_ today. You have to understand-“

“What I understand,” you yelled over him. “Is that I am a fucking adult and I can have a goddamn drink if I want one!” A silence fell over the room, nothing but icy glares and heavy breaths to fill it. You finally sighed, staring hard at the wall opposite of where Shane was standing. “I think you should go.”

“Yeah.” The slam of the door made you jump a little. Tired and exasperated, you ran your fingers through your hair and fought the tears back that threatened to fall. You decided you wanted to take a bath, soak away the stresses of your fight with Shane. So that’s exactly where you headed, hobbling off to start the hot water, bottle of whiskey in your hand and glass long forgotten.

***

Despite waking up earlier than usual, you were still late getting out the door to start on chores. Everything was harder with your injured ankle, so getting ready for the day took longer than normal. 

The pounding hangover in your head didn’t help either. 

You fumbled your way down the porch steps with the crutches and headed for the fields, but something wasn’t right…the eggplants that you swore were on the plant yesterday were now gone; the yams had been dug up as well. 

“What the hell…” you muttered to yourself, brow furrowing as you searching for any logical explanation. Hobbling further out into the rows of crops, you carefully inspected each plant, looking for something else out of place. Completed befuddled, you spun to scan the expanse of the farm, shaking your head at the mystery before you.

Then you got your answer.

Walking toward you from the direction of the barn, large scythe balanced carefully over a strong shoulder, was Shane. 

Your jaw nearly dropped.

The last thing you expected was to see him anytime soon. Not after what happened yesterday.

“W- what are you doing?” you stammered as he neared, voice full of confusion. Shane’s face was set into a hard expression; not unfriendly, but not necessarily inviting, either.

“Figured you would need some help around here while your ankle heals,” he said simply, shrugging as if your question had been obviously stupid. Fair’s coming up. You have to get ready.” 

The only response your addled brain could come up with was to blink at him. Several times. 

Shane prepared for you to argue with him. He prepared for you to bring up his actions and words from yesterday and throw him off your property. But instead, you simply nodded, said ‘okay then’, and started directing him on how to use the scythe to harvest the first batch of amaranth.


	8. The Stardew Valley Fair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things:  
> 1\. This chapter is not my favorite, it isn't super exciting, but I feel like it really plays into the slow burn of the story. It isn't much more than time filler but I hope you guys enjoy it nonetheless!!!  
> 2\. Oh. My. GOSH! Y'all. Are the absolute SWEETEST and KINDEST humans ever! The support and love I've gotten for this story has been so amazing and I can't express my appreciation enough! Seriously, you guys make my day! THANK YOU so incredibly much for reading and commenting and leaving kudos, it means so so much to me ❤❤❤
> 
> P.S. this is very poorly proofread because I just wanted to get it up for you guys so I apologize if it is riddled with errors 🙃

It took just under a week for your ankle to heal. With Shane’s help on the farm and some simple stretches and physical therapy from Harvey, you were back fully on your feet just in time and ready for the Stardew Fair. Lewis had sent you a few letters leading up to the event to explain the grange display contest and remind you of the date. 

On the morning of the fair, you loaded up the Jeep and headed into town. It was still early so not many people had shown up just yet, Gus was still prepping the food and a few of the booths and games were in the process of setting up. 

“Y/N!” you heard the mayor call as you climbed out of your vehicle after parking behind the general store. As he headed your way, you offered a polite smile. “How’s the ankle?”

“Good as new!” you told him brightly.

“Glad to hear it! Are you all ready for the grange display contest?” he asked, thumbs tucking under his suspender straps and tugging gently, a strange but endearing habit you had watched him do many times.

“I think so, I brought some of my best produce and a few other surprise items.” You threw the mayor a wink, earning an intrigued hum. 

“Well, follow me and I’ll show you where to set everything up!” Lewis explained the judging and scoring process as you walked, but honestly, you were only half listening. You didn’t really care that much about winning the contest, you were more excited than anything to premier some of the new products you had been trying out on the farm. Maybe it would even be something that Pierre would be interested in buying off you along with your produce and selling in his store. You hoped, at least.

As Lewis showed you your display box, you greeted Pierre, Marnie, and Willy, all of whom were already set to work setting up their own displays. Your brows raised when you glanced Pierre’s; it was gorgeous. Clearly, he had been preparing for awhile. 

“Alright, I think you are good to go!” the mayor said. “Need any help unloading your items?”

“No, no, that’s okay,” you said, shaking your head. “Thanks for the offer, though.” With that, the older man nodded and headed off to go check on the progress of everything else being set up. Heading back toward your Jeep, you began to unload the crates you had used to haul everything you thought you might want to use for the display. Your vision wasn’t quite nailed down yet, so you had packed extra items to give yourself plenty of options to play around with. 

It took longer than you had expected to get your display just right. Most of the town was milling about, beginning to enjoy the games and booths, and several tourists were filtering into the Valley for the special occasion by the time you finished. Standing back, you admired the finished product. All the hard work you had put into the farm that last several months, the sweat and tears and doubts, the new skills you had learned and the leaps you had taken with your new products – it was all encompassed here in this little box. Feeling yourself start to get emotional, you wiped at your eyes and let out a little laugh. 

“Hey, farmer,” Shane’s voice said from behind you. You spun around the find him and Jas, the small girl plastered to his leg, smiling up at you. “Your display looks great- hey, I didn’t know you were working on processed food products!”

“Yeah,” you replied, smiling widely and grabbing one of the jars of jelly you’d crafted from the front of the display. “I found some equipment in the old shed so I cleaned it up and have been experimenting with some new stuff. I’ve got jellies, jams, pickled and canned products, some juice, and I’m working on brewing and aging some beers and wines.”

“That’s great, Y/N, they look delicious,” Shane said, offering a kind smile. 

“Honestly, I wouldn’t have been able to experiment and play around with it nearly as much if you hadn’t been helping me this last week. I spent a lot of my time perfecting this stuff since it was something I could do sitting.”

“Oh, so that’s where you would disappear off to,” Shane finally realized. You nodded in response before turning your attention to the little girl next to him. 

“Hi, I don’t think we’ve been introduced just yet,” you greeted her sweetly. “My name is Y/N.”  
“I’m Jas,” she said quietly. “I saw you at the beach. You were talking to Aunt Marnie.”

“Yeah, she’s a friend of mine. She’s been really nice and helping me out with getting my farm going.”

“Uncle Shane’s been helping on the farm!” the little girl pronounced, making you chuckle nod. “He said you hurt your ankle and you needed someone to check on your crops for you.”

“That’s right, and he was a big help,” you said. “I wouldn’t have been ready today if he hadn’t helped me!”

“Alright, alright,” Shane mumbled, cheeks tinted pink. “Are you ready to go play some games?” he asked Jas, practically making her jump with excitement as she squealed. He looked back up at you, nodding a silent ‘see ya later’. As they headed for the fishing booth, you turned to start taking the crates back to your vehicle with the extra items you didn’t use.

“Oh, wait!” you called out, Shane and Jas turning around. “This is for good luck. Thought you might like it.” With a wink, you handed Jas the beautiful light purple bloom, a fairy rose flower. “I also got to spend a little extra time in the flower gardens since your uncle was taking care of my crops.”

“Oh wow!” she breathed, eyes the size of saucers. She took the flower with as much delight, glee, and delicacy that a seven-year-old could manage. “Thank you, miss Y/N! These are my favorite!”

“No problem, kiddo.” Shane couldn’t help but let a genuine smile take over his face. Seeing Jas happy was what he cared about most and seeing you make her that excited stirred something in his gut. Meeting his eyes with a grin of your own, you once again turned to haul your crates back to the Jeep.

***

You had to admit, the Stardew Fair was fun. You’d gone exploring after getting your display put up, glancing over every once in awhile to see if people were admiring what you’d put out. A group of tourists had seemed to take an interest in your homemade jellies, pride swelling inside your chest. Lewis had called all the display presenters over to announce the results of the judging, calling Pierre’s name to take home the prize. You clapped like a gracious loser and congratulated him with a firm handshake.

“Thank you, Y/N,” he said, face beaming with delight. “Your display still looked wonderful. I’d be interested in talking to you about those homemade food products you have there…”

And so, you had excitedly set up a time to come into the shop with some samples and talk logistics of selling your items in Pierre’s general store. Even without the contest win, you were walking away with a victory of your own. Riding on that high, you went to find Gus’ barbeque and some punch. 

***

Shane could have sworn that Jas had played every game at the fair at least three times now. He had let her get her fortune read, despite not believe in all that obvious mumbo jumbo scam bullshit, and even won her a stuffed dwarf from the strength hammer. She had also had enough candy and sweets to keep her bouncing off the walls for a month.

‘We’ll brush our teeth extra long tonight,’ he noted to himself. 

The pair met up with Marnie over by the animal pens, Jas telling her tales of everything they had done so far. Shane took the opportunity to zone out, looking around to see if he could catch a glimpse of you. Despite not winning the grange display prize, he had seen you walking away with a spring in your step. 

“Why don’t you and Jas go grab some food,” he told Marnie. “I’ll stay here with the animals. Make sure the petting zoo stays friendly.”

“There’s a funnel cake stand over by the clowns!” Jas said, eyes practically begging Marnie. 

“I meant _real food_ ,” Shane clarified. “You’re already hopped up on sugar as it is.” The girl groaned and Marnie patted her hand. 

“Come on, let’s go get some burgers from Gus. Those are always delicious. Do you want us to bring you some?” She asked her nephew, but he shook his head and waved them off. 

“I’m fine. Go ahead.” He took up Marnie’s post as they walked off, checking the animals and making sure that the kids and tourists were following the rules for touching and feeding them. It was boring, but he was tired from shepherding Jas around so he was grateful for the change of pace.

“I think someone spike the punch,” a bubbly voice said beside him. He turned to find Emily, blue hair blowing in the breeze and a colorful butterfly painted on her cheek. “I’d avoid it if I were you.” He quirked a brow.

“Really?”

“Yeah, here. Smell.” She held her cup of red juice under his nose and sure enough, there it was. The scent of whiskey.

“Yikes,” he mumbled, blinking at the strong sensation. “And none of the parents have noticed? Or Lewis?”

“Are you kidding? The parents are loving the chance to take the edge off after chasing their sugared-out kids around all day,” she snorted, the ever-present smile on her face stretching the butterfly’s wings. 

“Nice art,” Shane told her, nodding to her cheek. Emily beamed, thanking him and offering to paint something on his face. With a chuckle, he politely declined. 

The two hung out for awhile, Emily’s company helping to pass the time until everyone began to filter out and the fair started to pack up. Conversation had always flowed easily between them. Shane was comfortable with her; she’d been tending bar at the saloon for years and he’d spent countless nights in her company because of that. He’d always thought the woman had a sort of ethereal beauty to her, always bubbly and smiling, her movements graceful and sprite-like. Hell, he had even gone out with her a few times, years back, before they had decided they were better off as friends.

***

Heading toward the animal pens to tell Shane all about your meeting with Pierre and thank him again for all his help, cheeks warm and inhibitions lowered due to the spiked punch coursing through you, you were stopped in your tracks by what your eyes landed on.  
There was Shane, Emily next to him, both smiling and laughing. Her hand was on his arm and she was practically doubled over at something he had said. 

‘Huh,’ you thought to yourself, lips pursing. ‘Cool.’

Even your thoughts were curt. Annoyance budded inside of you- at him, at her, at their obvious flirting, at yourself for caring about the obvious flirting. 

Because it _was_ obvious. 

With a sharp nod, you immediately turned direction and headed instead to get more punch.

***

Soon enough, evening rolled in and the fair began to pack up and thin out. Most of the tourists had left already and the stragglers were making their way to vehicles by now. The booths were being packed up, tables and chairs taken down, trash gathered. Feeling queasy from all the punch you drank, and a little tipsy if you were honest, you began to take down your grange display. The others were either already done or mostly finished. Marnie waved a goodbye and Pierre gave one last reminder about your meeting next week. Willy tipped his cap and threw a wink your way, along with a polite “g’night, miss farmer”. You were trying to be careful with your items, some of them breakable or delicate, but a voice behind you caused you to jump in shock, nearly dropping a jar of pickles.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” Shane apologized, running a hand over the back of his head. “I just came over to help.”

“I don’t need help, thanks,” you told him, turning back to your task at hand. You didn’t really care that a note of annoyance had slipped into your tone. 

“It’s fine, really. I can least carry one of the crates to your car-“

“Shane, you’ve helped enough lately. I’ve got it,” you told him sternly, holding a hand up to stop him as you looked him in the eye now. You saw the surprise on his face and a hint of confusion. Part of you felt bad, but then the picture of him and Emily came back to your mind and you didn’t feel so bad anymore.

“Okay. Got it,” he mumbled, shoving his hands in his hoodie pockets and turning to go. “Good job today, by the way.”

You simply picked up your crates and walked to the Jeep.


	9. The Trouble with Assuming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another shorter chapter this time around, but it was fun to write!!! I hope you all enjoy! :)

After the fair, you were avoiding the saloon. The last thing you wanted when you were trying to unwind was see Shane and Emily flirting, possibly more, and getting worked up about it. And, since he was a regular and she worked there, it would be inevitable. Instead, you opted to stay on the farm and drink your evenings away, usually with some mindless television or a Netflix show on for background noise.  


You had also thrown yourself even more into the farm work. Spirit’s Eve was coming up soon and you were constantly checking on the pumpkins. You were also exploring more the preserving and brewing side of your burgeoning business, having found the plans to build more kegs and aging casks, as well as jam makers and preservers. Plus, there was the chicken coop. It needed a lot of cleanup and you wanted to gather materials for Robin before she came out to start working on it, so you threw yourself into that.

Despite the funk you found yourself in mentally, you had to admit that the harsh physical work was doing wonders for your body. Of course, in the time since you had taken over the farm you had noticed that you were stronger, had more stamina and energy throughout the day, and your muscles had become more toned. Now, however, you were actually admiring your form more than you ever recalled.  


It truly was a wonder how in shape you looked with how much you were drinking. That bad habit combined with any kind of sedentary lifestyle and you would’ve had to go shopping for a whole new wardrobe. 

Despite all of the distraction, there was one thing that was bothering you to no end: how you treated Shane at the fair. You knew logically that he didn’t deserve the cold shoulder you had given him or the harsh words. Especially not after all the help he had provided, free of charge and complaint. Besides, what did you care if he started seeing someone? He was a single man, free to do whatever or date or sleep with whomever he pleased. 

It was none of your business. 

Your guilt was eventually enough to drive you to the saloon one Saturday night, heart pounding with nerves, a jar of pickled hot pepper jelly and an envelope stuffed into your fall coat. You blanched at the loud noise that drifted out from the door as you walked inside, music from the jukebox playing and loud, raucous conversation permeating the room. 

Your eyes drifted to Marnie’s usual table, but it was just her and Lewis lost in conversation tonight. Looking around, you finally found Shane perched at the end of the bar, can in front of him as he mindlessly scrolled through his phone. Taking a deep breath to steel yourself, marched up to him and prepared to swallow your pride.

“Hey,” you greeted, offering a sheepish smile. His familiar dark eyes found yours, and while he offered a polite grin, there was a shield up there.

“Hey.”

“I just uh…I wanted to say sorry for the fair. I was rude and you didn’t deserve that.” Your cheeks tinged pink with the apology. Shane studied you for a moment.

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” he finally told you, making you sigh with relief. “No hard feelings. If you don’t mind me asking, though, what did I do that twisted you so much?” Okay, you were full on blushing now, not expecting him to want an explanation. 

“Um- it really doesn’t matter…it was me, not you,” you tried to play it off, shaking your head dismissively and hoping to Yoba that he wouldn’t push. Thankfully, he didn’t. That was something you had come to like a lot about Shane. “Anyway, I brought this for you.” 

“What’s all this?” he asked, brows raising as he studied the items you offered to him. 

“Well, you know I’ve been playing around with canning and stuff, so I made a hot pepper jelly back at the end of summer,” you explained, scuffing your boot across the ground. “And in the envelope is your cut of the profits from the week you helped me out with my ankle.”

“Y/N, you don’t have to-“ he started, but you raised a hand to cut him off.

“Please, you deserve it, Shane. I didn’t ask you to help, you took the initiative. And I would have been totally screwed without you.” The man in front of you began to blush, taking the items with a quiet ‘thanks’.

“I…I didn’t do it for the money, you know,” he said softly, eyes darting away from yours. You laid a hand on his arm and smiled gently.

“I know.” 

Your mission accomplished, you left the saloon for the night, grateful for the quiet outside of the building. Instead of going back to the farm, though, you decided to sit on the bench just outside, enjoying the fall night.

It was crisp and cold, but you didn’t mind. The sky was decorated lavishly with stars above and you were happy to relax and simply watch the night sky. As the evening wore on, you heard patrons leaving the saloon and heading for home, but stayed relatively hidden behind the bushes surrounding your bench and the dark night around you. Finally, it was closing time. You heard the door open and Gus call goodnight to Emily, the bubbly bartender returning the sentiment. 

That was your cue.

As best you could without scaring her, you left your spot on the bench, legs stiff from the cold air and toes tingling in your boots. 

“Hey, Emily!” you called quietly, not wanting to wake anyone in the houses nearby. The woman turned around curiously, offering a large smile when she spotted you.

“Y/N!” she greeted. “I haven't seen you in awhile. Enjoying the night?”

“Matter of fact, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.” You fell into step beside her as she headed in the direction of home. “The stars are beautiful tonight.”

“Yeah, they are,” she replied with a dreamy look up at the sky. “I’m sure it isn’t even close to what you can see out on that farm of yours, though.” You chuckled with a nod.

“Hey, listen,” you began, heart rate picking up. Yoba, you hated this part. “I just uh…I just wanted to tell you that I’m happy for you and Shane. You seem really good for each other.”

“What are you talking about?” Emily asked, pulling her brows together. “Shane and I aren’t together.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, have you not made it official yet? Or it’s still really new or something?” The last thing you wanted to do was offend or upset her. 

“No, I mean we aren’t dating. At all,” Emily chuckled. “We went out a few times, like, two years ago. But that was it. Why did you think something was going on between us?” Her tone wasn’t hostile, just genuinely curious and now you felt like an even bigger fucking idiot and prick than before. 

“It- it’s just…at the fair, you- you guys were very…” you stammered, running your fingers through your hair. You were sure that your face was beet red right now. Thankfully, you were just about to Emily’s house and this conversation would be over soon. “I’m so sorry, Emily,” you finally sighed. “I saw you two together and I just assumed. And, just like the saying, I’ve made a complete ass out of myself.” 

“No, Y/N, it’s okay!” she assured you with a small laugh. “It would be easy to think that, but I promise, nothing is going on between Shane and I.” She squeezed your arm with a soft reassurance.  
“Could we…maybe keep this between us?” you asked sheepishly. “I just don’t want to start any rumors or anything-“

“Of course, Y/N,” Emily said. “No worries.”

“Thanks, Emily. Sorry about this, again. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Y/N,” she returned, waving and dancing for the door. As you turned to go, the exhaustion creeping up on you rapidly, she suddenly poked her head out before closing it all the way. “You know, since I’m not with him, Shane is a totally free man. And a handsome one at that,” she practically sang, throwing you a wink before disappearing into her house and leaving you wide eyed and gaping at the front of her house.


	10. The Dock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO MY LOVELIES! <3 I'm so excited to finally get this chapter up for you all! I'm back in school and wow it is kicking my ass this semester already so, sadly, it will take me longer to write and upload chapters for this story than it was previously. HOWEVER, it will not be abandoned or forgotten so don't fret if it takes me awhile to update :)  
> Anyway, I really loved writing this chapter! I got all up in the feels and it is a bit of a doozy, but I really hope you guys like it! ;)

This. Was. Impossible. 

You took a deep breath to try and quell the anger and frustration building within you. It wouldn’t help the situation any to get mad, especially at an inanimate object. Adjusting a few settings and checking some wires, you tried once again to get the door on the chicken coop to rise automatically. It clicked and whirred as if it was about to work, excitement running through you, and then….nothing.

“Fuck!” You yelled, finally breaking. You had been out there all afternoon and evening working on the damn contraption and it _still_ wasn’t functioning properly. This was the last thing that you needed to figure out before the coop was ready to house your first chicks, but at this rate you weren’t sure it was going to happen at all. “Can’t even get _one thing_ on this fucking coop to work. Yoba, you’re so fucking useless.”

Grumbling and fuming, you tried one more time, but it still wouldn’t move. With an aggravated growl, you sloppily gathered your tools, threw them in the coop in a corner where at least they wouldn’t be exposed to the elements, and stormed off toward the house. 

“You can’t do anything right, fucking worthless. He was right. He fucking told you and you didn’t listen.”

You didn’t care that you were a sweaty, dirty mess. After all these months on the farm you had gotten used to a sort of perpetual state of dirtiness. No, all you cared about was cold beer and why that fucking coop door wouldn’t work. 

Ripping open the fridge, you grabbed a can off the shelf, cracking it open and immediately downing the contents. You crushed the can as if it was therapeutic for your anger, and grabbed another. You drank this one while pacing around the kitchen, unable to stop your mind from going a million miles an hour trying to think of a solution. 

“Ugh fuck this,” you declared to yourself, needing to escape for a bit. Grabbing a bottle of liquor from the fridge instead, you marched out of the house, letting the door slam shut behind you. Your steps were fast, feet pounding the dirt as you ventured out into the now dark night, taking a swig from the bottle.

The dock in Cindersnap Forest was your final destination. It was close enough that getting home later wouldn’t be particularly difficult, but far enough away that you could put some distance between yourself and the farm. Plopping down on the end of the old wooden structure, you let a sigh drift off into the air. 

Winter would be taking over the Valley soon, coating Pelican Town in snow and ice. Your first year on the farm was quickly approaching an end and you weren’t quite sure how to feel. 

A year of hard work and learning. Taking yourself out of your comfort zone to become a farmer, of all things.

A year of frustration like you’d never know, of pushing yourself.

But it had also been a year of solitude. Barely communicating with your family, let alone seeing them. Leaving your old life behind.

A year of running.

Despite having settled here, it felt like the running never stopped. And Yoba, were you tired. 

Your feet mindlessly swayed off the dock as you lost yourself in the surface of the water. It looked so calm, so peaceful. You scooted a fraction of an inch closer to the edge. 

The lake was quiet. Oh, what you would give to finally have some real peace and quiet, to not have to listen to the dark thoughts that crept into your mind or relive the memories that played behind your eyelids when you tried to sleep. 

The water would be cold this time of year. Cold, but dark and quiet. If you really were just the useless, worthless, stupid bitch that he made you out to be – that you _felt_ like you were- then why not just….

“Hey.” The voice snapped you out of your thoughts, your head whipping around to find none other than Shane. Of course. “It’s late, what’re you doing out here?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” you slurred slightly, catching yourself off guard. How much had you drunk since you’d been here? You patted the spot on the dock next to you, motioning for the man to sit down.

“Out for a jog,” he replied, sitting next to you with a sigh. Your eyes studied him, finally noting that he wasn’t in fact wearing his usual get-up, but some sporty sneakers and sweatpants paired with a grey hoodie tonight.

“Since when do you jog?” you scoffed, earning a small chuckle.

“Uh, not very long. I made it a New Year’s resolution and it’s been one of the only ones that I’ve actually stuck with.”

“Not very long? That’s almost a year! Impressive,” you exclaimed. If it wasn’t so dark, you were sure that you would’ve seen Shane blush. 

“Anyway,” he started, wanting to change the subject. “What did you venture into the cold for?” Shane eyed the nearly empty bottle in your hands. “Rough day?”

“I guess you could say that,” you mumbled, fingers playing with the label as you turned your attention back to the water. “Ugh, life.”

“You wanna talk about it?” Shane asked, tone cautious and gentle. You were quiet for a few moments, contemplating on what to say, if you should say anything at all.

“Do you ever…” You pulled your brows together, trying to find the right words and speaking slowly. “You ever feel like…no matter what you do, you’re gonna fail? Like you’re…you’re drowning and no matter how hard you try to swim to the surface, you can’t get there? I just feel like…no matter how hard I try, no matter how hard I swim…I’m not strong enough to break out of the water. And some days I feel like maybe I should…maybe I should stop trying to.”

Shane was quiet for a minute, letting your words sink in. Yoba, you were breaking his heart. He knew exactly how it felt; he had been there not too long ago himself. Reaching over, he gently took one of your hands in his own.

“I get it,” he admitted quietly, meeting your eyes when your head rose to look at him. He could see the beginnings of tears pooling just above your waterline and he squeezed your hand. “I know that feeling. And I know how tempting it is to just give in to it and stop fighting. But you can’t do that. You have to keep going.” Shane desperately hoped that his message would sink in. He wasn’t great with words and feelings, he wasn’t sure how exactly to comfort you, but dammit he would try his best. “And the hardest part sometimes is admitting that you need help.”

You sniffled and nodded, looking back out over the lake but still holding his hand. 

“I- I do need help,” you finally admitted, voice shaking and small. Shane’s heart pounded with relief in his chest. “Could you- could you come over sometime and look at my chicken coop door? I can’t get it to work.”

“I-“ he blinked at you, startled. That wasn’t exactly what he had meant, but telling you as much wouldn’t help anything. “Yeah, I can do that.” You offered him a grateful smile before taking another swig from your bottle to finish it off. 

“Thanks,” you said. “And thanks for…for listening.” 

“Anytime.” Dull vibrations started from his pocket and Shane pulled out his phone, excusing himself to answer.

You turned your attention yet again to the lake, still quiet and peaceful as ever. A slight breeze sent ripples across the surface and you followed each one with your eyes. You had just opened up to this man, poured your heart out and shown your wounds. Well, some of them anyway. And he…understood? And was… _nice_ about it? What a difference-

“I’ve gotta head back to the ranch,” Shane sighed, interrupting your thoughts and beginning to stand. 

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, that was Marnie. Jas woke up and isn’t feeling good. Apparently, she’s insisting that Uncle Shane be the one to give her medicine and tuck her back in,” he explained. Shane couldn’t help but feel both love and pride swell in his chest at the thought of Jas asking specifically for _his_ comfort. 

“Oh, I hope she feels better soon,” you offered. “I should be heading back to the farm, anyway. It’s getting late.” Shane extended a hand to help you stand and you gratefully took it as your legs were feeling wobbly after all that liquor. 

“You can get back alright?” Shane asked, one skeptical eyebrow raised. You waved him off, insisting that you were fine. “Okay. I’ll see you soon, farmer.” 

You puffed out a breath into the cold air, taking a few steps in the same direction as Shane’s retreating form, but suddenly stopped. 

“Oh, can’t just leave that laying around!” You turned around and bent down to grab your empty bottle that was still sitting on the edge of the dock, not wanting to be rude and leave litter in the forest. Bending down, however, proved to be a bad idea for someone drunk and wobbly because before you could even shout, you lost your balance and fell right into the freezing cold lake.


	11. Chapter 11

You were right, the water was cold.

And dark. And quiet.

It was like a shock, nearly painful, when you hit. The cold had consumed you immediately, practically paralyzing your limbs. They felt heavy and sluggish, like lead. Your mouth had opened in a gasp, drawing water in and making you begin to panic. You watched through straining eyes as the surface got further and further away, your body sinking down, the chill seeping into your bones. 

For someone who didn’t know how to swim, though, you weren’t trying very hard not to drown. 

It was like everything you had told Shane in your metaphors was becoming reality, like some kind of grim prophecy that you hadn’t meant to make. 

But maybe, just maybe, this was your chance.

Letting the small amount of fight you had left in you go, you succumbed to the darkness, the quiet. 

Peace. Finally.

***

Shane heard a splash and whipped around, eyes scanning the dark dock for your form and not finding you anywhere. 

“Y/N?” he called out experimentally, hoping to Yoba that it wasn’t what he thought. He was already moving back toward the water, though, panic and fear beginning to overwhelm him. Shane saw the rippled surface, your dark form growing smaller and smaller by the second as you sank into the lake. Could you not swim? Or worse, did you not want to try? “Y/N!” he yelled, dropping to his knees.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Shane kept repeating, trying to figure out what to do first. He immediately began screaming for help, hoping against hope that someone somewhere would hear him and come looking. Quick as he could, Shane started to strip down out of his running clothes, knowing the fabric would become weighed down. Down to his boxers, t shirt, and socks, Shane shouted once more before diving headfirst into the frigid waters. 

He mentally cursed as the cold engulfed his body, the impact sending shocks through him. As his eyes adjusted to the dark underwater world, he swam downward, hoping more than anything that he would be able to find you in the lake before it was too late. Shane’s lungs screamed at him, his ears popping as he went down, down… 

And then finally, finally, you came into focus.

Hair suspended in the water, eyes closed, and blue-tinged lips parted the tiniest bit, you looked…peaceful. More peaceful than Shane had ever seen you look before, even when you were feeling good from the alcohol pumping through your system.

And then he was wrapping his arms around your torso and swimming for the surface as fast as he could. Yoba, he needed air and it was so close, your weight held tight against him, almost there…

Breaking the surface of the lake, Shane gasped and greedily gulped in oxygen. With his free arm, he awkwardly swam toward the dock, your limp body dragging beside him.

“Oh my- Shane!” His eyes darted toward the sound to find Leah perched on the edge of the dock, hands covering her mouth in shock and fear. Thank Yoba, she must have heard him from her cabin nearby. “What the hell happened? Are you guys okay?” Leah helped him pull you out of the water and onto the wood, brushing your wet hair away from your face. 

“She- she must have fallen in,” he panted, scrambling onto the dock beside the two of you. He pressed his ear to your chest, trying to find a heartbeat, listen for your breath.

Nothing. 

“Fuck, I- I went in as fast as I could,” he was panicking, hands shaking and heart pounding against his ribcage as he frantically scanned over your seemingly lifeless body. “Her lips are b- blue.”

He wasn’t sure if he was stuttering from the fear or the cold. 

“Leah, I-“ Shane looked up at the woman, eyes desperate, but she was already setting to work. Leah pressed her fingers to different parts of your body – inner wrist, under the jaw, under your nose and above your lips – searching for a pulse, a breath, something. And then her hands were on your chest, pushing and pumping in rhythmic sets. Every few counts she paused to blow into your mouth. Shane ran his trembling fingers through his hair, watching helplessly as you just laid there unresponsive. 

“Call someone,” Leah huffed between counts, not missing a beat. Shane scrambled through his discarded clothes to find his phone, fumbling with the screen before finally managing to hit dial next to Marnie’s name. 

“Marnie, don’t ask questions, it’s an emergency,” he rushed out, voice shaking. “Put Jas to bed and bring the truck to the dock in Cindersnap. Now.” Not giving his aunt a chance to pry and prolong her action, Shane hung up and threw his phone to the side, turning his full attention back to you. 

“It’s not working,” he cried out. “Fuck, it’s not-“

He was interrupted by coughing and spitting, your body convulsing on the dock and expelling cold water from your lungs. 

“There, that’s it,” Leah cooed, turning you gently to your side as you began to regain consciousness. Shane watched as she smacked your back several times, air fighting to occupy the space of the water in your body. Relief like nothing he’d ever felt flooded through Shane as you finally started breathing again, albeit raggedly. “We need to get her out of these clothes,” Leah said, already beginning to strip off her own coat. “And get you into some. You’re soaked to the bone, too, and the wind is picking up.”

It was the first time that Shane even noticed how cold and numb his body was. The adrenaline had kept him preoccupied, but she was right. Here he was, totally soaked in just his underclothes on a freezing cold night. As Leah started to undress you, your mind barely awake yet and body still not quite working, Shane grabbed his clothes and swapped his wet t shirt out for his dry hoodie. Leah finally wrestled your own sweatshirt and shirt off, leaving you in just your black sports bra on the dock as she began to stuff your limps into her heavier coat. Shane did his best not to look. Then Leah asked him to remove your thin leggings and that plan went to hell. 

Shane put you into his own sweatpants. Thankfully they were long enough to cover your now bare feet. It would do until Marnie got there with the truck, which wasn’t much longer. 

“Shane!” Marnie called, voice frantic as she leapt out of the beat-up vehicle and practically ran onto the dock. “What in heaven’s name happened here?! Are you alright? Oh- Y/N!”

“I’ll explain later. I’m fine, Aunt Marnie,” he tried to reassure her. “We need to get Y/N to the hospital-“

“To the ranch,” Leah corrected. “We’ll call Harvey on the way and he can meet us there, but the most important thing is getting her warm. Unless you have a roaring fireplace in that truck, that’s her best bet for now.” Shane simply nodded and helped Leah carry you to the vehicle. He let her sit in the cab with your body draped across hers as he jumped into the bed and tapped the side to signal to his aunt to drive. Pulling out his phone, he made the call to Harvey.

***

“You did exactly what you should’ve done, Shane,” Leah told him quietly as they stood in the doorway to the living area of Marnie’s ranch house. “Going in after her like that. It was just luck that my cabin was so close and I was able to hear you shouting.”

Shane sighed deeply, face etched with concern as he watched Harvey finish up his examination. You were bundled up in just about all the blankets they could find, wearing a fresh and warm set of clothes, perched in front of the fireplace. Still, you were hardly awake. Your words were slow and slurred and if your eyes stayed open at all, you had to blink them rapidly. 

Marnie tinkered in the kitchen behind them, preparing hot tea for everyone and trying to hide her fretting. She had checked on Jas once they arrived at the ranch, making sure the girl was asleep and stayed in her room during all the commotion. After all, there was no reason to get her all worked up as well. 

“I’m just glad you were there when I got her out,” Shane told Leah, eyes never leaving your form. “I was lost and panicking. And I don’t know CPR. It could’ve been…a lot worse.” He couldn’t bring himself to even think of that possibility. The redhead reached over and gently squeezed Shane’s arm, offering him a comforting smile.

“But it wasn’t. And that’s what matters.” He nodded his agreement, standing up straighter when Harvey finally rose and walked toward them. “How is she?”

“Is she going to be okay? Should we-“

“Y/N is going to be just fine,” Harvey assured them, raising a hand to stifle any further bombardment of questions. “Thanks to you folks. You did the right thing bringing her here and getting her dry right away. Her body temperature is regulating well, but she’s quite exhausted. Try to get her to drink some tea and then she would be fine to go to sleep.”

“Thank you so much, Harvey,” Leah told him, a smile spreading on her face as she looked past him into the living room. 

“Just doing my job,” he chuckled. “You all would do well to get some rest, too. Y/N isn’t the only one who’s had a rough night tonight.” 

“Would you like to stay for some tea, Doctor?” Marnie asked, popping around the corner from the kitchen. He politely declined, but thanked her for the generosity. 

“I’ll do a follow up tomorrow. Shane, you need to get in front of that fire, too. You were also in the water.” He started to protest, but a light pinch from Marnie had Shane shutting his mouth and nodding instead. They bid the doctor goodbye and Marnie let out a sigh of relief. 

“Thank Yoba you’re all okay,” she said.

“I’m going to call it a night, too,” Leah told them, smiling gently before walking up to you to say goodbye. Shane watched the interaction with interest, taking in the way Leah combed her fingers through the top of your hair to get it out of your face and the sweet smile she offered before wrapping you in a hug. “G’night,” she waved at Shane and Marnie, quietly making her way out the door and back toward her cabin.

“Here,” Marnie passed Shane two cups of steaming tea, gently nudging him in your direction. “You heard the doctor, get in front of that fire and drink your tea.” Shane did as his aunt said, carefully moving over to your spot on the floor and lowering beside you.

“Harvey says to drink this,” he instructed quietly, offering you the mug. You simply hummed in response, wrapping your shaking fingers around it and letting the warmth seep into your hands. Shane did the same, staring into the flames and sipping absently at his drink. Marnie slipped by into Jas’ room to check on her once more, nodding to Shane that the little girl was out cold. “How’re you feeling?”

“Tired,” you replied, voice raspy and dry. “But warm now.” Shane watched you tentatively drink your tea, eyes glassy and lidded. “I can’t even say thank you-“ You began to cough once again, the sound painful as it triggered the image of you laying helplessly on the dock in Shane’s mind, your voice too weak still to handle conversation. 

“Hey, hey,” Shane rubbed a hand over your back, though he was sure you couldn’t feel it through the layers of blankets and clothes. “No need. Just rest.” No argument left in your exhausted body, you simply nodded and worked on finishing your tea. 

Once you were done, your eyes could hardly stay open any longer. Letting out a sigh, you shifted your position to laying in front of the fire, head landing in Shane’s lap. He wasn’t sure if you were totally aware of what you were doing when you laid down, but he didn’t care. 

You were safe and warm and comfortable, and nothing else mattered.

One of Shane’s hands, warm from holding the mug, rested gently on your head as he began to rub your hair the way Leah had earlier. You seemed comforted by it then. You let out a content sigh, the feeling of someone playing with your hair sending you right to sleep. 

The two of you stayed like that for Shane wasn’t sure how long, but eventually his back and legs began to ache and his own exhaustion was setting in. Shane worked carefully to untangle you from all the blankets and pick you up, carrying to his room. He pulled the comforter back on his bed and laid you in, grabbing a few extra blankets to lay over top of you just in case. 

As lightly as he could, Shane cupped your cheek in his hand, studying your sleeping face and not able to think about anything but thanking Yoba that you were alright. Leaning down, he placed a lingering kiss to your hairline before walking out and quietly closing the door, heading to crash on the couch.


	12. Spirit's Eve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FINALLY got this chapter done, yay!!!  
> As always, I hope you enjoy it ;)

“Uncle Shane. Uncle Shaaaaane.” Shane slowly began to stir, his shoulder shaking lightly and a tiny voice ringing in his ears. His eyes cracked open and he blinked against the sunlight streaming in from the large windows. Shane let out a low groan as he shifted, the old couch springs digging into his back, and turned his head to meet Jas’ large green eyes staring at him intently.

“Mornin’, kid,” he rasped out, stretching his arms over his head. 

“You were snoring,” Jas said, an edge of annoyance in her voice. Shane scrunched up his face at her and shook his head, letting out a loud yawn.

“I don’t snore,” he scoffed. 

“Yes huh!” his goddaughter insisted. “It was loud.” Shane sat up with a chuckle, reaching over to ruffle Jas’ hair. The little girl whined and drew back, throwing him daggers. She hated when he did that.

“What? You already have bedhead, wasn’t like I messed it up any worse,” he joked, earning a huff from her. “You already eat breakfast?”

“Aunt Marnie made me and Miss Y/N oatmeal,” Jas told him with a definitive nod. Shane perked up at your name, glad to hear that you had eaten something this morning. 

“Miss Y/N and me,” he corrected gently, standing up and feeling his joints pop as he stretched some more. Jas repeated the phrase as if to commit it to memory before returning her attention back to her weekend cartoons now that they weren’t being interrupted by his snores. Shane shuffled toward the kitchen, finding you and Marnie sitting at the table and chatting quietly over some coffee. 

“Morning,” he greeted, heading for the coffee pot himself. You offered him a sheepish smile in return before looking down into your mug intently. 

“How’re you feeling today?” Marnie asked him, concern etched on her face. Shane shrugged as he poured the caffeine into a mug and took a sip gratefully.

“Fine. A little sore from the couch, but that’s it.” He turned his attention on you as he leaned against the counter, noting how red your cheeks were now. “I’m more concerned about how you’re doing Y/N.”

“Oh,” you began, pulling yourself out of your coffee daze. “I’m alright. Throat’s a little dry and sore but that’s all.”

“We’re just glad you’re okay,” Marnie said, patting your arm gently. “If Shane and Leah hadn’t been there…” She trailed off and the two of you stayed silent, not wanting to discuss how much worse last night could have been. 

“Well, I should be heading back to the farm,” you finally declared, standing up from the table to place your mug in the sink. “Marnie, thank you so much for breakfast and the coffee, it was great. Oh, and I’ll wash your clothes and get them back to you ASAP. And thank you both for being so generous and opening your house to me last night, I really can’t express how much I appreciate it.”

“Oh, now stop that,” Marnie said, waving you off and shaking her head. “You are always welcome here and we are just happy that we were able to help.”

When you turned, Shane caught your eyes. His face was expressionless, always perpetually bluffing, but he read the silent question in your eyes. There was an edge of desperation in them, the need to explain yourself. Luckily, he wanted an explanation. 

“Give me a couple of minutes to clean up and I’ll walk you back,” he offered, though really it was a statement and not a question. He left no room for argument, so you simply nodded and mumbled out a ‘thanks’. Shane placed his coffee mug, only half drunk, in the sink and headed off for the bathroom. Going through a shortened version of his morning routine, he brushed his teeth and smoothed down his hair, making sure to put on deodorant and a fresh shirt. Once finished, he met you outside in front of the ranch house. 

The two of you headed off in silence, an awkward tension looming overhead. Shane was going to wait for you to say whatever you wanted to say, your fidgeting and lip biting revealing that clearly something was on your mind. After a few minutes, you finally sighed and broke the silence. 

“So,” you started, ringing your hands together nervously. “Last night.” Shane stayed quiet, eyes focused ahead and ears ready to listen. “It was a freak accident. Me falling in. You know that, right?” He could feel your eyes on him, nervously waiting for a response. Shane contemplated for a few moments, really hoping that you were telling the truth.

“Now I do,” he finally sighed. “Honestly, I wasn’t so sure after-“

“I know,” you interrupted. “Trust me, I know how it probably looked. But I swear, I just fell. I was wobblier than I thought and when I bent down to get my bottle…it just happened.” Shane nodded, taking in your words. Then he was pinning you with an intense stare.

“Can you swim?” You looked down at your feet, cheeks going red again. 

“No,” you mumbled. “Never learned.”

“Do you want to?” Your head snapped up at that, totally caught off guard. 

“I-“ you trailed off, mouth floundering for words. “What?”

“I’m teaching Jas this summer. I can teach you, too. I think…I think it would be good for you to at least have some basics. If you want, of course.”

“Y- yeah, that would probably be smart,” you finally answered. Shane nodded before focusing his eyes back ahead, silence falling over the two of you yet again. 

“Shane, I…I want you to know that I’m really okay.” Your voice was quiet, timid even, when you spoke again. “I know I talked about all that- that stuff last night. I’m just uh…dealing with a lot. Working through some things. Still adjusting to life in the Valley and being away from my parents and learning to be a farmer through trial by fire. It’s just…been a hard year. But I’m- I’m okay.”

“I’m sure it is a lot,” Shane agreed. “And it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. But…asking for help is okay, too. If you ever want to take a trip back to the city for a few days, Marnie and I - hell I’m sure even Lewis or Robin – we’d be happy to watch the farm for you. And if you ever can’t figure something out, just give me a call. Or…if you ever just need to talk. Maybe away from a freezing cold body of water, since you can’t, you know, swim.” That last bit earned him a chuckle and he looked over to find you smiling, your eyes the slightest bit watery.

“Thanks,” you told him quietly. The two of you had finally reached the farm house, climbing the porch steps and stopping in front of the door. Shane ran his hand over the back of his neck in that gesture you were becoming quite familiar with, holding your gaze once again.

“Look, the point is…you don’t have to be alone. You have people that- that care about you here, too.” The next thing he knew, you were wrapping him in a tight hug, arms around his neck and body pressed to his. The force of it knocked him back a step, but he quickly got his balance and then he was returning the gesture, much less aggressively, but it was still snug and intimate. Shane let his eyes fall closed and let out the breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding.

“Thank you. For everything.” He could barely hear your words because they were muffled by your hair and how your face was half-buried in his shoulder, but he understood it enough to nod. Finally, unfortunately, after several more moments you let him go, heading inside with a final smile and wave, and Shane was heading back to the ranch, trying to memorize the way your hair smelled.

***

_F – GUESS WHAT  
GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAAAAT_

_S – what?_

_F – THE PUMPKINS ARE READYYYYYY  
I’m so excited! _

_S – clearly lol  
But really that’s great_

Shane kept checking his phone as he cared for the chickens in Marnie’s coop, but no reply had come after half an hour. With a disappointed shrug, he carried on his tasks, collecting eggs and checking the feed levels. That is, until Jas’ loud squealing emanated all the way from inside the house out to the coop. Confused, Shane went back inside to see what all the fuss was about.

There, at the front door with a giant smile, you stood, holding a big orange pumpkin in your arms.

Of course.

“Hey!” you greeted excitedly once you saw him heading toward the three of you.

“Uncle Shane, look! Miss Y/N brought pumpkins and she says we can have the first pick of which ones we want!” Jas told him, bouncing excitedly as she pointed at the Jeep behind you, tailgate open and loaded with a whole variety of pumpkins.

“Well, that’s very nice of her,” Shane said, giving you a smirk. “So excited you had to drop by, huh?”

“Of course!” you exclaimed, the happiness radiating off of you just as much as it was Jas. Marnie chuckled, walking out the door with Jas to go pick out some pumpkins. “The only one that’s already spoken for is the one in the front seat,” you called back to them before turning to throw a wink at Shane. “I promised Leah she could have the biggest one.”

Intrigued, Shane followed his family out to your vehicle, waiting patiently as Jas took her time selecting her perfect carving pumpkin. Shane mosied to peek in the front window, eyes going wide at the huge pumpkin that sat nestled behind a seatbelt. 

“Pretty great, huh?” Your voice suddenly behind him made Shane startle a bit, but he grinned nonetheless. “It’s at least three times bigger than all the rest this season.”

After Jas and Marnie picked out their pumpkins, Shane grabbed one for himself and watched Jas bounce back into the house excitedly, already asking his aunt if they could start carving now. You jumped back in your Jeep and waved as you drove off into the Cindersnap Forest, presumably toward Leah’s cabin to drop off her giant pumpkin. 

***

_S – how’s that door working out?_

_F – It’s great so far! I checked it this morning and it was up already. I’ll check it again tonight to make sure it’s closed  
Thanks so much for the help with it! _

_S – no problem, no need for thanks  
Are you going to the Spirit’s Eve festival tonight?_

_F – Of course! :p it’s only my favorite holiday, I’d never miss  
I’m heading into town now with the pumpkins to help Lewis and Emily set up_

_S – so no costume then?_

_F – OF COURSE I’ll have a costume! I’m gonna come home and change after we get everything done and then I’ll go back when it starts tonight all dressed up_

_S – what are you going as?_

_F – pff I’m not gonna tell you. You’ll just have to wait and seeeeee_

_S – not even a hint??_

_F – nope. Not one._

***

Shane checked to make sure that Jas was warm enough before they headed out, insisting that they take her coat just in case she wanted it later. She was adamant that the long sleeve shirt and pants under her princess dress was enough, but Shane grabbed the coat anyway, promising not to make her wear it unless the wind picked up later. Clutching her wand firmly, Jas skipped ahead of him and Marnie on the path into town, excitement coursing through her.

“You’ll probably be carrying her home later. She’ll be exhausted,” Marnie chuckled, watching the little girl fondly. 

“Yeah, after she crashes from all the candy and excitement,” he added. “She does it every year.”

It didn’t take long for the group to reach town square, marveling at all the decorations Lewis and the others had put up. Shane smiled when he saw a batch of your pumpkins stacked on some hay bales and covered with creepy cobwebs and fake spiders. Jas quickly found Vincent and they rushed off to watch the skeletons.

“Don’t stick your hands in the cage!” Shane called after them, rolling his eyes when he didn’t receive a response. 

“I’m heading that way anyways, I’ll keep an eye on them,” his aunt assured him, patting his arm with a chuckle and meandering through the tables and chairs. Shane let out a sigh and headed for the buffet table, getting himself some punch and a small plate of Spirit’s Eve inspired snacks. Scanning the tables for an open place to sit, preferably away from the large groups of others, he brought the cup to his lips and began to take a long drink.

And then nearly choked.

“Boo!” you playfully shouted, your form materializing from the corner of Shane’s eye.

Sputtering and coughing, Shane tried to recover as his wide eyes took you in. It wasn’t the ‘boo’ that made him choke, no, it was that damn costume you were wearing.

He couldn’t place the exact character you were going for, but he carefully noted the red and black corset bodice that hugged your curves, pushing your breasts up practically on display over the white frills that adorned the top of the corset. Silk laces led down to a short, puffed out skirt, red with black and gold accents along the rim. Beneath that, fishnet stockings ran down the length of your legs, stopping at the top of tall black combat boots. To top it all off, a long red cape was wrapped around your shoulders, two braids peaking out of the hood sitting loosely atop your head. 

“Happy Spirit’s Eve!” you told him, a huge smile splitting your face. 

“H- Happy- yeah, you….you too,” Shane stuttered, trying his damndest _not_ to look at your chest, but to keep his eyes on yours. “Great costume,” he complimented, voice hoarse.

“Thank you.” You gave him a little curtsey and he had to fight down the arousal climbing toward a boiling point within him. “I’m Little Red Riding Hood!”

“Yeah, I totally got that,” he lied, nodding toward your red cape. _Duh._

“So you’re….a knight, I’m guessing?” Having the focus shifted to him made Shane snap back to himself for the moment. 

“Oh, yeah,” he explained. “Technically a knight in shining armor. It’s to go with Jas’ costume. She’s a princess. Again.”

“I saw her dress, it was so cute! Very sparkly. That’s such a cute costume idea for the two of you, awe!” Shane’s cheeks turned pink at your adoration. If his hands weren’t full of snacks, he’d be running one over the back of his neck right now. 

“Thanks,” he muttered. “The decorations look amazing by the way. Very spooky.”

“Yeah, can you believe Lewis had all this stuff just packed away?” you replied. “He said he doesn’t usually get all of it out each year and Emily and I thought that was just crazy, so we took over. I’d say it turned out pretty great! Plus, with all the snacks that Gus made, you couldn’t ask for a better Spirit’s Eve festival.”

“Y/N, over here!” you turned at the sound of your name, finding Emily waving you down by Pierre’s little shop stand. Waving to Shane, you bounded off in her direction. Shane watched as your red hood came down, braids bouncing with your movement. The whipping of your cape gave Shane the smallest glances of the back of your legs. Groaning quietly, he tried to tamper down the thought of seeing those legs spread apart beneath him, his fingers wrapping around those braids and pulling-

Shaking his head, Shane quickly turned away and found a spot to sit. The black jeans he was wearing as part of his costume did not do well to hide his growing bulge. After finishing his snacks and getting his thoughts under control, Shane went to find his goddaughter. The rest of the night passed in a sort of blur, Shane’s mind focused mostly on trying to get more glimpses of you in that costume before the evening was over. 

Finally, _finally,_ it was time to make their way home. Jas was utterly spent, her eyes barely keeping open as she said goodnight to Vincent. Marnie had already headed back to the ranch, Lewis walking her home and assuring Shane that he’d make sure she got back safely, much to the younger man’s suspicion. Shane scooped her up in his arms, just like every year, and held her securely as they walked out of town square. And, just like every year, Jas was asleep almost immediately.

“Hey, can I walk with you?” you appeared beside Shane, easily falling in stride, and flashing him another grin. 

“Sure,” he agreed softly. “Have a good night?”

“It was great,” you told him. “Not like the big parties they have in the city, but honestly, I think I like this celebration better.”

“Yeah, those other ones can get pretty wild.”

“So, have any costume ideas for next year?”

“Oh, Jas usually wants to be a princess so I’m sure I’ll be dressing as something that goes along with that again,” Shane chuckled. “The girl loves her sparkles.”

“Well, maybe in a few years she’d be willing to change it up and she can borrow this costume. You could go as the big bad wolf.” Shane snorted at your suggestion.

“Uh no. _Hell_ no,” he said. 

“It’s princess-adjacent!” you defended. “It’s still a fairy tale.”

“That’s not why she won’t be wearing _that._ ”

“What, you don’t like it?” Shane saw your face fall the slightest bit out of the corner of his eye.

“No, I do like it. _A lot._ That’s the problem.” He turned his head to glance over you one more time before meeting your gaze. He saw the dusting of a blush on your cheeks, but also the tiniest smirk on your lips. “And I’m sure there would be plenty of boys that would like it, too, if Jas wore it in the future. And that is not happening.”

“Mmm.” The small bit of the walk that was left to the ranch was spent in silence, only punctuated by Jas’ soft breaths and the crunching of gravel, dirt, and leaves under your shoes. Once your group reached the door, you helped Shane unlock it quietly before bidding him a goodnight, tossing a wink over your shoulder before disappearing back under that red hood. 

After getting Jas tucked into bed, princess costume and all, Shane headed for his own bedroom. He gladly took the knight costume off and changed into pajamas, pulling out his phone as he crawled under the covers. As he unlocked the screen, he found a message waiting there for him that him grin.

_F – Glad you liked the costume 😉 xx_


	13. The Start of Winter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Started and finished this in a matter of hours hella late at night! Really wanted to get another chapter out for you guys since you've been so patient with me, so here it is. Totally unedited, I'll go back through later and fix all the mistakes but here it is! Enjoy ;)

Winter swept into the Valley with no reservations, bringing freezing temperatures, harsh winds, and, of course, snow. You let out a heavy sigh as you watched the white flakes fall outside your window, clutching the cup of hot coffee in your hands like a lifeline. You pulled the heavy blanket tighter around your shoulders and took a sip. The fireplace may have been working, but the old farmhouse was still drafty as fuck.

Now that winter was here, you had to make plans for how to spend the time productively. You hadn’t even come close to touching the old greenhouse in the time you’d been there. Hell, the chicken coop had taken months alone. You still had a barn to fix up, fences to repair, and so much more on your list. So, since winter crop production was out of the question and you couldn’t get chicks from Marnie and Shane until the spring, you had to find other things to keep your business going. 

You decided to focus your time on the food product and brewing endeavors you had started in the early fall. You had plenty of produce still in storage and your deal with Pierre was still in effect, so as long as you continued to brew beer and wine and make jellies and jams, you figured getting through the winter wouldn’t be so bad. 

Except that it was an isolating season.

The cold made you want to stay inside. It was also getting darker earlier now, making the nights seem to drag on and on. And nights were the worst for you. If it wasn’t staying up lost in your thoughts and feelings, it was nightmares and panic attacks. The only thing that helped was the alcohol.

The best place to get alcohol, of course, was the Stardrop Saloon. This is exactly where you found yourself one early winter Saturday evening, cheeks still rosy from the cold, but the beer coursing through you slowly warming your body. It was as lively as ever, all the residents of the small town never wanting to miss a weekend of socializing, even if they had to trek through the snow.

While most of the townspeople seemed to be enjoying themselves, you, however, were feeling something much different. Alone in a corner booth tucked at the back of the bar, staring and picking at the label on your bottle, your stomach churned with dread as the memories played of their own volition.

***

_That stupid, condescending laugh fell off of his lips. Lazily walking over, he opened the fridge and pulled out another beer, despite already being drunk. Anger burned like fire in your veins and you finally couldn’t stand it anymore._

_“I’m leaving,” you announced, throwing your hands up and moving to go toward the bedroom. His large frame stepped in front of you instead, blocking the hallway._

_“You aren’t going anywhere,” he countered, eyes rolling as if you were just being dramatic. Eyebrows raised, you met his gaze, watching carefully as he brought that stupid bottle back up to his lips and took another swig._

_“Fuck you,” you scoffed, pushing past him and storming down the hall to the bedroom. Grabbing your suitcase out of the closet, you began to throw clothes, shoes, personal items, whatever you could grab in your fury into the compartments._

_“Where the fuck do you think you’re gonna go?” he yelled, following closely behind you. “Jenna’s? Your parents’?”_

_“It doesn’t matter, but anywhere is better than here with you. I’ll spend the night in my car if I have to.” You moved quickly, hot tears starting to blur your vision. This and your haste were likely why you didn’t see him moving until his hand was already wrapping around your upper arm. A gasp was the only thing you could get out as you felt his iron grip and then his full weight slamming your body into the wall. Face right in yours, breath stinking of beer, his practically flaming eyes found yours._

_“I’ll fucking find you,” he seethed, fingers digging in harder and making you whimper. “Wherever you go, I’ll find you. And I’ll drag you back here. You can’t run from me, you little bitch.” You watched closely as he took another swig, finishing the drink and then tossing the bottle to the floor. “You got that?” You didn’t give him an answer, fear stealing your voice instead. His now free hand came up to crack across your cheek and you cried out with the sting, feeling the metal of his ring open some skin. “I SAID, do you got that?!” Not able to squeak out any words, you simply nodded. Grumbling something about another beer, he finally let you go and stalked out of the room._

_Shaking and silently sobbing, one hand cradling your throbbing face, you sunk down to the floor. Your mind was simultaneously blank and working overtime. How could this be your life? It didn’t seem real._

_But the cut on your face and the bruises on your arm sure as hell were real._

_Calming down, you felt a steely reserve come over you. You wouldn’t be taking anymore of this shit. Eyes landing on the discarded beer bottle, you picked it up, holding it firmly, feeling the glass, tracing the label._

_You knew what you had to do._

***

“Y/N?” Emily’s sweet voice shook you from your thoughts, bringing your attention back to the present. “Can I get you a refill?” she asked sweetly, nodding to your empty bottle.

“Oh uh- no, that’s alright. Could I have a vodka on the rocks instead please? And make it a double?”

“Sure thing,” the woman said, flashing one of her dazzling smiles and gliding away with your empty bottle. She returned shortly with your drink before flitting to the next patron. 

Several drinks down, you were feeling good. Well, you weren’t really feeling much of anything thanks to the vodka, but the conversation on your phone was enough to keep you grinning at least.

_F – I swear! Clint totally has a thing for Emily!_

_S – Clint is too awkward! He can barely form words around her_

_F – EXACTLY_

_S – honestly, I’ve hardly ever seen the man emote anything. Does he even have feelings?_

_F – speaking of feelings  
I feel  
Warm_

_S – enjoying our night at the saloon, are we?_

_F – hey why aren’t you here?????_

_S – Jas has a cold. I stayed in with her tonight_

_F – awe poor baby ☹  
But what a shame  
Sure could use an escort home and you are famous for offering me those_

_S – do you have a way to get home?_

_F – walk?_

_S – I’m serious_

_F – so am i_

_S – I’m coming to get you_

_F – you do not need to do that, I will be just finn  
*find  
*FINE jeez_

_S – yeah that was convincing  
I’m getting Marnie’s truck_

_F – Shane I don’t need a ride. Stay with Jas_

_S – she’s asleep and I’m already in the truck. See you in five_

Rolling your eyes, you meandered over to the bar to square your tab. Walking was harder than you had anticipated, but thankfully it was close enough that you could stumble your way over just fine. You leaned on your elbows on the bar top, hips jutting out and swaying to the song playing on the jukebox.

Soon enough, the door to the saloon was opening and in walked Shane, cheeks tinted from the cold and eyes scanning the room. When they landed on you, a lump formed in his throat. There you were, lost in thought and ass on display. He allowed himself just one second to admire your curves as they swayed to the beat then shook that out of his head and walked up to where you stood. A huge, toothy smile formed on your lips when you spotted him.

“Shane! You’re here!” you said excitedly, standing up straight finally. 

“You ready to go?” he asked, one eyebrow quirked.

“Yes! So you can get back to your sick goddaughter! Oh, poor girl, I feel so bad. This winter is already starting out not good.” Shane nodded, looking around for your coat. Yoba, you were wasted.  
“Oh, I must have left it in the booth,” you said as you looked around yourself. Trying your best not to stumble, you went back over and sure enough, there it was. Shane averted his eyes as you bent over the seat to grab it, not needing a whole other problem on his hands at the moment. 

After retrieving the coat, you followed him out of the saloon, calling a goodnight to Emily and Gus. The cold air hit you hard, making you gasp and nearly lose your breath. Shane watched out of the corner of his eye as you made your way to the truck, clumsily pulling open the door and climbing inside. 

“Thanks for the ride,” you told him, offering a grin. “I sure do ‘preciate it.”

“You’re starting to sound less like a city slicker and more like country folk the longer you stay here,” he joked, listening to you giggle in response. He could feel your eyes on him in the dark as he pulled out of the saloon parking lot and headed toward your farm. “What?” he finally asked, glancing over to find you intently staring at him.

“You have stubble,” you stated simply. 

“And? I didn’t get a chance to shave this morning.”

“It’s hot.” Well, _that_ wasn’t what he expected. Cheeks heating up, he let out a nervous chuckle.

“Uh- thanks,” he said, earning a hum in response and then you were quiet for a few moments.

“Have you slept with anyone in Pelican Town?” you asked unabashedly, large eyes blinking up at him. Shane’s mouth fell open, totally caught off guard by your question.

“What? Why?” 

“Just curious,” you shrugged, words slurring as you maneuvered your body to lean against the passenger door, feet pulling up to rest on the seat in between the two of you. “It’s a small town. Doesn’t everybody sleep with everybody? I mean, in the city you could sleep with people and never worry about running into them again, but here that’s just not possible.” Now he was curious about how many people you had slept with in the city and if you were thinking about sleeping with someone from Pelican Town.

“Um it can be awkward I suppose,” Shane told you, not sure how to answer your question. “You’ll definitely see them around and if that’s something you’re worried about-“

“No, no,” you interrupted. “You think _I_ wanna sleep with someone?” Shane was quiet. “Pfft no, nobody here would want that anyway. It seems like everybody already has their eyes on somebody and none of those are on me.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” he mumbled, glancing over at you before realizing what had slipped out and quickly trying to recover. Clearing his throat, Shane returned to your original question, hoping that would divert the conversation away from where it seemed to be heading. “But uh, yeah I’ve slept with someone in town. Awhile ago, though.”

“Was it Emily?” 

“Yeah, it was.”

“When you guys went out?” How did you even know about that?

“Uh actually no,” he admitted. “It was after. We only went out a few times and then decided we were better off as friends. One night we were at the saloon late. Everyone else was gone and she was closing up. I walked her home and it just sort of…happened. But that was it.”

“Does anybody else know?”

“Pretty much the whole town knows,” Shane said. “Like you said, it’s a small town. Word gets around.”

“Have you slept with anyone else since?” you asked, tone still as casual as Friday. Shane was ready for this conversation to be over. 

“Not in Pelican Town.”

“Someone from the city?”

“I- yes, I’ve been with a couple other people since. From the city.”

“So how many people have you slept with like…total?” There was a smile on your face now and for the life of him Shane could not figure out why. He shook his head, shoulders raising in a shrug.

“I don’t know!”

“C’moooon, everybody has a number!” Yoba, you were insistent tonight. Shane ran a hand down his face. 

“What’s yours then?” he shot back, chancing a glance over at you with raised brows. To his shock, you actually started counting on your fucking fingers.

“Four- no! Five. Pretty sure it’s five,” you answered with a goofy grin. “Your turn.”

“Fine um….maybe seven?” You reached out a foot to playfully nudge his thigh, sending waves of heat through him as his cheeks burned. 

“Ooohhhh look at you! Mister ladies’ man,” you teased, making Shane just want to melt right into the truck seat. He was most definitely not a ladies’ man and he never had been.

“Not so much, but thanks for that.” The headlights of the truck finally illuminated your mailbox, making Shane sigh with relief as he pulled up to the farmhouse. This conversation could finally end and he thanked the universe for that. “Alright, c’mon.” Shane made his way around the truck to help you out so you didn’t fall. He followed up the porch steps, making sure you could get in okay. His brows drew together with concern as you stumbled along, deciding he would help you into bed and make sure you were settled before returning to the ranch. 

As the two of you made your way into the farmhouse, Shane noticed that there wasn’t much of a temperature change between the frigid outside and in there. Well, shit.

“It’s freezing in here, Y/N.”

“Yeah,” you sighed, stripping off your coat and boots at the door anyway. He watched in shock and confusion, finally making his way over to the fireplace and throwing the rest of the logs you had sitting there into the embers. With some kindling and coaxing, Shane got a small fire going. 

“You’ll need a lot more wood,” he said. “Where’s it at?” 

“Uhhhh….” You refused to meet his eyes, trailing off and looking at the floor instead. 

“Y/N, where’s the rest of your wood?” Shane’s voice was more serious now, dread building in his stomach.

“That might be…the last of it,” you admitted in a small voice, making Shane’s eyes go wide before he pinched the bridge of his nose and bit back his annoyed words. 

“You didn’t chop more when you got low?”

“I meant to, I swear!” you pleaded with him, so not wanting Shane to be mad at you. “I just never got around to it and I didn’t realize I was that low!”

“Okay, well, you need more firewood or you will freeze to death. You’re sure there isn’t anymore in the port around the side?”

“There might be some but not much…”

“I’ll go check,” he grumbled, heading back out into the cold. Thankfully, Shane was able to find a few logs laying around. It was barely enough to make it through the night, but it was better than nothing. He told you that first thing in the morning he would go out and help you chop more wood as he took off his shoes. “Get all the blankets you have. And pillows.”

“What for?”

“We’re sleeping in front of fire tonight. Also, you should put a sweatshirt or something else on to help stay warm. And extra socks.”

“Shane, you don’t have to-“

“I’m not leaving you here alone to freeze. Although I think there’s enough vodka coursing through your system that it would be impossible anyway, but it’s not safe. So I’m staying. Now come on, show me where all the pillows and blankets are.”

The two of you gathered up all you had and made a makeshift palette in front of the fire. Shane gave you some aspirin and water after you’d changed into your pajamas. You crawled under the covers and he turned out the lights, stoking the fire a bit more before settling next to you for the night. Once he was sure you were asleep, your soft snores confirming his suspicions, he scooted closer and put an arm around your small frame, freezing as you curled into his chest in your sleep. With one last sigh and a secret kiss to the top of your hair, Shane let himself finally fall asleep, too.


	14. The Penny Problem

Shane woke early the next morning, rising with the sun. Untangling his limbs from yours as gently as he could without waking you, Shane quietly got up and stretched, groaning at the stiffness in his body. 

“I’m too old to sleep on the floor,” he grumbled softly to himself, heading to use the restroom before putting his boots and heavy coat back on. Shane walked into the cold winter morning, blinking against the harsh sunlight reflecting off the snow. Searching the equipment shed, he soon found your axe and went off to chop some wood.

An awful wave of nausea roused you from sleep, your face turning to whine into your pillow. As another wave came, you got up and ran to the bathroom, ignoring the blistering cold in the house and instead focusing on not throwing up until you got to the toilet. As you finished getting sick, you heard a door open and close, heavy footsteps moving through the house. 

Pulling yourself up, you found the will to brush your teeth and at least splash some water on your face. Slowly shuffling back out to the living room, you found Shane in front of a now-roaring fire. He glanced up when he heard you coming before throwing another log on.

“Morning sunshine,” he greeted. You met it with a groan, grabbing a blanket from the floor and wrapping it around your shoulders before plopping on the fireplace ledge. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I got hit by a bus.” Shane snorted and gave a knowing nod. 

“Been there. You should drink some water.” You hummed in acknowledgement of his advice, instead choosing to lean against the warm bricks and close your eyes, hoping for some kind of relief. 

“Did you already cut wood?”

“Went out while you were still asleep and got at least enough to get you through a couple days. Marnie has a big stash at her place, I can bring you some to help supplement while you build up a supply. We can go out later this week and I’ll help you start that if you want.”

“That’d be great, thanks,” you agreed, voice hoarse. The will to politely insist he didn’t have to do that had left you this morning, instead just resigning yourself to the help he offered. “Thanks for getting me home last night, too.”

“No problem,” Shane said, waving you off. “I’d much rather you call me than find yourself in an unsafe situation.”

“How’s Jas doing?”

“I talked to Marnie this morning, Jas is still asleep. I think her cold meds knocked her out. Hopefully she’ll be feeling better when she gets up.” Silence fell between the two of you, interrupted only by the crackling of the fire.

“I’m gonna go jump in the shower and hopefully wash this hangover off,” you finally said, standing up with a groan. “Help yourself to anything in the kitchen.”

“Actually, I think I’m gonna head back to the ranch,” Shane told you, standing up as well and heading for the door. “I’ll let you know when I’m gonna bring that wood by.”

Thanking him one last time, you waved as he left and headed for the bathroom. Thank Yoba for the new hot water tank Robin had installed in the spring. The warmth breathed life back into your body and after throwing up a few more times and two cups of coffee, you were ready to start the day.

***

Shane dug his hands into his pockets, watching his breath frost in the cold air as he leaned against the old truck parked outside of the library and waited for Jas. When the weather was nice, he allowed her to walk back to the ranch with Penny, but in winter he would come and pick her up. She was quickly approaching the age when she would have to start at a real school, one in a neighboring town, but Shane figured they’d cross that bridge when they got there. 

“Uncle Shane!” His goddaughter’s voice brought a smile to his face as the door to the library opened and she came running out. 

“Hey kiddo, how was school?” he asked, looking excited as she started telling him all about her day. Jas had been feeling much better when she woke up the day before, no longer coughing or running a fever, and she was happy to be able to go to school on Monday. 

As Jas spoke, he helped her into the truck and noticed Penny lingering by the door of the library, seemingly waiting for him to see her. When he caught her eye, she smiled sheepishly and walked up. 

“Hi Shane,” she said in her soft, silky voice. “Do you have a minute?”

“Yeah, sure.” The man turned to Jas, telling her he would only be a couple of minutes and then they would go home and she could tell Aunt Marnie all about what she learned today, too. Closing the truck door, Shane nodded and Penny followed him around to the bed of the vehicle so that Jas wouldn’t be able to hear their conversation. “Is everything okay with Jas?”

“Oh, of course! I see she’s feeling much better today,” Penny chuckled. “Still a little sniffly, but aren’t we all when the weather changes? Um why I wanted to talk to you, it’s actually not about Jas.” 

“Oh, okay,” Shane said, puzzled. “What’s up?” He watched as Penny’s cheeks turned a deeper shade of pink, teeth digging into her bottom lip. 

“I was just wondering if maybe…um…maybe you’d like to- to get dinner together sometime?” she finally stuttered out, catching Shane completely off guard. He floundered, blindsided by her request. 

“Oh! Uh,” he was at a loss for words, his usual nervous tick of running his hand over the back of his neck kicking into overdrive. Of all people, he had never expected _Penny_ , the girl who despised alcohol and debauchery, to take any interest in him outside of Jas’ schooling. Getting past that was hard enough, but then there was also the matter of…well, you. 

Shane knew that you and he weren’t ‘a thing’ by any means but there was definitely _something_ between the two of you, right? Hell, he had spent the night at your house just this weekend to make sure you were okay. You flirted here and there and Shane would be lying if he said he wasn’t attracted to you in some way. He thought you felt the same. After all, you had called him hot the other night. And you had made out once, but that was when you were drunk. Although, you were drunk when you called him hot, too.

Yoba, maybe he was overthinking everything. Shane realized he had been quiet for several moments and Penny was likely growing more anxious and possibly embarrassed by every second of silence he left her hanging in. 

“I…sure,” he finally answered. “That’d be great.” Penny smiled brightly, saying she was free Saturday. With a date set, she told him goodbye and he got back in the truck to drive Jas home. 

The next several hours were a blur for Shane. His mind was too focused on trying to figure out the situation with Penny and with you that he barely listened to Jas on the way home and went straight to check on the chickens when they got there. During dinner, he was totally tuned out to Jas and Marnie. His aunt had called him out on it afterward and he had made up some bumbling excuse that he knew she hadn’t bought for a second.

Not able to take it anymore, he threw on his coat and headed out the door toward your farm. 

***

A series of knocks on the front door interrupted your post-dinner dishwashing. Drying your hands, you walked over to peek out the curtain, finding Shane on your front porch. 

“Hey,” you said, opening the door. He looked…antsy. Glancing behind him, you didn’t see the truck. “Did you walk here?”

“Penny asked me out,” he blurted, shifting his weight from foot to foot. You blanched, blinking rapidly at the man in front of you and trying to absorb the information he had just thrown out there. “On a- on a date.”

“Oh,” you stammered, not sure how to respond or why your stomach was twisting in painful knots. “That’s- that’s great, Shane.”

“Is it?”

“Uh what do you mean?” you asked, totally bewildered. Shane’s face scrunched into a grimace as he looked out over the snow, trying to reign in his thoughts.

“I…are you- is it…” He couldn’t seem to put words together. Saving him from the effort of running in circles, you stepped out onto the porch and put a hand on his arm, cutting off his rambling. Desperate eyes met yours in the darkness and you tried your best to give a sincere smile.

“I’m happy for you, Shane,” you told him softly. “I’m sure you’ll have a great time.” Shane searched your expression for anything, anything he could grab onto that protested this, but found nothing concrete.

“Thanks,” he finally mumbled, his nerves crumbling. The two of you stood there awkwardly in silence before you cleared your throat. 

“So, did you just come to my house in the middle of the night to tell me that Penny asked you out? Seems like that could’ve been a text,” you gently teased, gut flipping at the thought that he come all the way here just for that. 

“Oh, uh,” he started, thinking on his feet. “Actually, Marnie wanted me to ask if you had any maple syrup and apricot jam. She wants to make a big breakfast tomorrow morning.”

“Uh I’ll go check. Come on in.” Shane followed you inside, waiting by the door as you disappeared into another part of the house and rustled around. He was incredibly uncomfortable and more than ready to leave so the embarrassment could swallow him up. 

He was crazy to think that you would care so much about him being asked out by another woman that you’d admit your feelings there on the spot and this weird dynamic between the two of you would finally be solved.

“Here you go,” you said, handing him a sack to carry the syrup and jam. “I can give you a ride home, it’s freezing out.”

“It’s actually not so bad, thanks though. Have a good night, Y/N.” Before you could protest, he disappeared out the door into the wintery night, head tucked low and shoulders hunched against the wind. 

Now that he was gone, you let out a frustrated sigh, cursing yourself for feeling this way. Shane was allowed to go on dates with whomever he pleased. He was not yours and you couldn’t expect him to be. 

A bitterness settled into your throat. You decided to wash it down with alcohol.

***

The week seemed to fly by and suddenly it was late Saturday afternoon and Shane had to start getting ready if he was going to look presentable for his date. He showered, taking extra time under the warm water. When he was finished, Shane stared at himself in the mirror, noting all the changes he had gone through in the last two years or so. 

There were no longer ever-present dark circles under his eyes. His hair was well-trimmed, still long but no longer greasy and unkempt on a regular basis. Shane managed his facial hair much better as well, shaving over his now more-defined jawline on a regular basis. His upper body was also in better shape than it had been in years. Not as good as when he played gridball and had a defined six-pack, but at least fit. The jogging and healthier eating, plus all the wood chopping and steady outdoor work had really done wonders for the muscles in his arms and stomach. The gut he had despised so much was gone, replaced instead by a soft yet solid, flatter abdomen. With his upper arms and shoulders more defined as well, Shane had to switch to a larger shirt size.

He went through his usual routine, adding a few extra steps of putting a bit of cologne on and trying to style his hair. When he finally emerged from his room fresh and well-dressed, Marnie’s eyebrows nearly shot to the roof and she let out a whistle. 

“Where are you off to tonight looking like that?” she asked teasingly, making Shane blush. This was a conversation he had dreaded having with his aunt all week. 

“I have a date,” he admitted quietly, gathering his wallet, phone, and the truck keys to avoid making eye contact with her. 

“Oh, Shane! How exciting! Where are you taking her? Don’t tell me you’re going to the saloon, she spends enough time there as it is. You know, there’s a little seafood restaurant on the shore over in Mooresville, Y/N would just love that-” Marnie’s tone was hopeful and excited, but Shane cut her off at the mention of your name. 

“I’m not going out with the farmer,” he informed her, glancing over to see her expression first fall and then become confused. 

“Well then who?” Marnie’s hands perched on her hips as she studied him with narrowed eyes. 

“Penny.”

“Penny?” she repeated, surprise in her voice. “Penny Johnson, Pam’s daughter? Jas’ _teacher_?”

“That’s the one.”

“Well, that’s…unexpected. But I hope you have a good night.”

“Thanks,” Shane sighed, finally turning to fully face the older woman. “Let me know if Jas needs anything. I’ll text you when I’m heading home.”

“Shane, I appreciate that, but you aren’t a teenager,” Marnie said. “Besides, that kind of attitude makes it sound like the date is over before it’s even started! Go and have fun, enjoy yourself.” She began corralling him toward the doorway, the usual tiny grin back on her face. Shane grabbed his coat and started for the truck, groaning inwardly when his aunt called after him to ‘be a gentleman!’. 

***

It was Saturday night and all you could do was stare at the clock. You knew that Shane and Penny were on their date right now and it was driving you mad. When Shane had met you in the Cindersnap Forest earlier that week to help chop wood, you had done your best to pry for details under the guise of being excited for him. 

So, you knew that he had picked her up at 6 in Marnie’s truck and they had driven out of Pelican Town to avoid the prying eyes and whispered suspicions. You knew that he had probably opened the truck door for her when they arrived, even pulled out her chair for her once they were escorted to their table. You knew that right about now, they would likely be finishing up their meals at the small fancy restaurant he had taken her to. You knew that Shane would be totally polite all evening, driving her home and walking her to the door in the dark, telling her he had a great time and that they should do it again soon before bidding her goodnight and driving back to the ranch. 

You stared intensely at your phone on the bar top in front of you, sitting silent and dark, as you twirled the vodka in your glass. Yoba, you wanted to text him. Or really, you wished he would text you. Either way, you were dying to know how it was going. 

‘Hopefully poorly,’ you thought to yourself, scoffing out loud and earning a glance from Pam sitting down at the end of the bar. Ignoring her, you finished what was in your glass and ordered another. When Emily brought it, she had a soft, pitiful smile.

“Last one for awhile, Y/N,” she told you quietly, sliding a water glass your way along with your refill. 

“What?” you slurred, annoyed that Emily would try to cut you off so early. “Is barely 9!” 

“Just drink some water, okay? For me.” The woman was doing her best to placate you without making a scene. Rolling your eyes, you grumbled a ‘fine’ and downed the water before setting in on your drink. Emily refilled your water glass with a pointed look before heading to tend to other customers. 

You stayed at the saloon nearly until last call, drinking mostly water but not wanting to go home and sit in the silence of your farmhouse. You walked through the cold night quickly, tucking your head against the howling wind. A sigh of relief left your lips as you finally closed the door behind you, heat from the fireplace warming your bones. Stripping down and changing into pajamas, you grabbed a few blankets and curled up on the couch, falling asleep to the sound of some mindless late night TV and the crackling fire. 

Your phone sat silent on the coffee table, just as it had all night.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S HERE! FINALLY!!!!
> 
> I'm so happy I FINALLY got this written! It is totally unedited because I just wanted to get it posted, but here you guys go! As always, please enjoy and let me know what you think :) <3

Most of your days were now spent chopping and hauling wood to build up your supply. You were going through it faster than you had anticipated, but this was never something you had to worry about before. Living in the city, your heat was simply a utility you paid to the electric company. 

In the time between cuttings, you would check on your kegs and jam makers, waiting patiently for the products to be ready. And when you weren’t doing either of those things, you were sleeping or drinking. Some days you went to bed in the late afternoon, not having the energy or the will to stay awake any longer. Sometimes you couldn’t sleep at all and stayed up all night curled up with a bottle of liquor. 

You frequented the saloon less and less as winter went on, not wanting to risk seeing Shane or hearing the town gossip about him and Penny. From the little you did know, it seemed as though they were thriving in their relationship. They spent quite a bit of time together, going out nearly every weekend from what you overheard. They had finally started going on some dates in town now that people knew. 

Tonight, though, you were out of alcohol, having drunk your supplies dry. So, you sat hunched in your usual corner booth, drinking alone and trying your best to ignore everyone and everything else. Voices in the other room, however, said something that caught your attention. 

“I’m just saying, Shane and Penny are an odd pair!” a young male voice said. Maybe Sam? There was a mumbled reply that you couldn’t quite make out. Sliding out of the booth, you casually made your way into the room toward the old Joja Cola machine in the back, using it as your cover to eavesdrop just a bit more. 

“Hey Y/N,” Abigail greeted from where she sat on the couch next to the machine. You offered a kind smile and wave, turning your attention to the machine in front of you and trying to look as if you were contemplating a difficult decision of which product to get. 

“Look, all I’m saying is that it’s weird,” Sam said to Sebastian, raising his hands in defense. “The daughter of the negligent alcoholic suddenly asks out and starts dating the ex-town drunk? If that doesn’t scream ‘mommy issues’, I don’t know what does.”

“Sam!” Abby reprimanded, mouth agape. Your eyebrows shot up in surprise at his words, finally making a selection on the machine and getting the cola you didn’t even really want. You heard Sebastian trying to change the subject back to their pool game as you shuffled back to your booth, your muffled mind racing. 

Town drunk? You knew Shane had said he was in a bad place for awhile after everything with Jas’ parents, but you didn’t know it was that bad. And then there were the comments about Pam. Even after being in the Valley for nearly a year, you still apparently had a lot to learn about the town and the people that inhabited it. 

Unable to get your mind off of that conversation, you became antsy in that small booth and called it a night earlier than you typically would have. After squaring your tab and saying goodbye to Emily, you tucked your head against the cold and started trudging through the snow. 

You hadn’t even bothered to drive the Jeep, despite the four-wheel drive. Emily or Gus would have just taken your keys anyway, so now you walked to and from the saloon no matter the weather. In the summer, evenings in the Valley provided the perfect opportunity for a nighttime stroll. In the winter, though, not so much. 

As you marched on toward the farm, you couldn’t help but let the old thoughts creep into your head. Now that Shane was seeing someone, maybe you should start looking. Or rather, maybe you could call someone you already suspected was looking for you. 

If you had been sober, an idea like that would never even cross your mind. Drunk you, however, tiptoed up to the edge and tried for the balancing act. ‘Stop it,’ you reprimanded yourself with a sigh, letting it get carried away on the wind. ‘Don’t go there.’

You tried to remind yourself of all the reasons not to, all the bad memories and the stuff of nightmares and Lifetime horror movies. The drinking, the yelling, the isolation, the manipulation, the pushing and grabbing and bruising and slapping-

Your feet stumbled and you reached out to the fence for support as you tried to catch your breath. The bitter winter air burned your throat as you began to hyperventilate, all the feelings associated with those memories flooding back as well. 

Hands shaking, legs weak, eyes wide and unfocused.

You tried to ground yourself, to remind yourself that you were safe and far away and that everything was fine. This, this moment, was your reality. A cold winter night. An old wooden fence post. Too many stars overhead to count. Snow drifts sparkling under the moonlight. Safety. 

You were safe. 

***

“Hey sweetheart!” Your father’s cheery voice on the other end of the line made you smile.

“Hi dad,” you said, finishing up pouring your morning coffee. “How’re you and Mom?”

“Oh, we’re just fine,” he assured. “Your mother just finished up her holiday shopping. She’s been wrapping presents for over an hour now and has locked me out of the spare bedroom.” You chuckled as you pictured the situation, same as every year for as long as you could remember.

“That sounds just like her. So, are you guys still planning on coming out to the Valley for the Feast of the Winter Star? You’ll love to see the farm.”

“Of course we are, sweetie! Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” your dad assured you. “Speaking of, how do you like winter out in the country?”

“It’s definitely different,” you told him, recounting the story of the firewood problem and all the other learning curves you’d been thrown so far. “But it’s also really beautiful looking out at the fields all covered in snow.”

“I know what you mean,” your dad said, a far-off tone taking over his voice. “I have plenty of memories of exactly that.” The conversation flowed on, the two of you catching each other up on your lives. You enjoyed times like this; they took your mind off of other things. 

That is, until he brought it up.

“So, honey, your mom and I were just curious…” he began, immediately putting you off. “Have you filed yet?” A heavy sigh left your lips as you pinched the bridge of your nose. 

“Dad, we’ve been over this,” you argued, tone tired. 

“Y/N, you can’t keep putting something like this off-“

“I don’t have a choice! I can’t file forms with my current address and even without it, I can’t send it from a lawyer’s office anywhere in Stardew Valley. I just…things are fine right now. I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize that.”

“I know, sweetheart,” your dad said, the worry and anxiety clear in his voice. “We just want you to be safe.”

“I am safe. And I would like to keep it that way.” The conversation died off after that and you weren’t really in the mood to revive it, so you made up an excuse about farm chores and offered a curt goodbye before hanging up. 

Now that your mood was officially ruined, you figured you may as well have a drink to get you through the rest of the day.

***

The Feast of the Winter Star was fast approaching as the year barreled toward an end. Winter had ramped up and the news was issuing warnings of a massive winter storm forming over the Valley. It was supposed to hit Pelican Town hard, dumping a foot or more of snow over the next few days, right in the middle of prime holiday travel time.

In preparation for the blizzard, you had taken the Jeep into town and parked behind Pierre’s, hoping to stock up on food and supplies. It seemed everybody else in town had that idea, too. Walking in, the air was filled with the sound of chatter and squeaking carts and baskets. Taking a deep breath, you grabbed a basket of your own and walked into the chaos.

Pierre was doing his best to restock the shelves, but it was so busy even with Caroline and Abigail helping that he had started just running back to the supply room to grab requested items while he still had them to offer. You picked out the items you thought it would be best to have, including some bottled water in case your pipes froze, some extra candles and matches for if the power went out, and of course some more alcohol before jumping in line to check out. 

“Hey Pierre,” you greeted politely when you finally reached the counter. “Busy day, huh?”

“This blizzard has got everybody frazzled,” he sighed, quickly scanning your items. “As if the Valley hasn’t seen this much snow before, pfft.” The man rolled his eyes and you chuckled. Clearly, he was exhausted, his typically good mood replaced with a grumpier one. 

“Well, I hope you guys stay safe and enjoy your holiday if I don’t see you before.”

“Aren’t you coming to the town celebration?” he asked, pausing in his bagging efforts to look at you quizzically. You simply blinked back at him.

“I figured with the weather it would be cancelled. It’s still on?”

“Oh yeah! We’ve never had to cancel the town feast and gift exchange. Weather always clears up enough for us to have, our own small miracle from the Winter Star.” The shopkeeper winked at you and finally cracked a smile. You simply nodded, mumbling that you’d be there if it happened. In your head, you laughed at the delusion that the event wouldn’t get cancelled. The storm they were calling for was intense. 

After leaving the store, you drove out to the forest to cut down a few more trees for the fireplace. You had learned your lesson that it was better to be prepared just in case. By the time you finished it was getting late and the first few flurries of snow had started. Driving back to the farm, you passed by Marnie’s ranch. The thought of stopping, just for a few minutes to say hello, crossed your mind. You brushed that off quickly and kept driving.

***

In the morning, you woke to nothing but white outside. The ground, the trees, every building and hillside were all covered in what you could only imagine were several inches of snow. The air was nothing but a white sheen as well, more and more snow falling steadily. You shuffled over to throw more wood in the fireplace and got the coffee started before heading off to the bathroom to get ready for the day. 

Just as you began pouring your first cup, a knock on your door drew your attention. Curious as to who would be crazy enough to make their way out to the farm, you walked over to open it. Standing before you were none other than Marnie, Lewis, Shane, and even little Jas.

“Good morning, Miss Y/N!” Jas greeted, the little tufts of hair sticking out from under her hat bouncing with her excitement. 

“Well, good morning,” you returned, smiling brightly at her. “I don’t mean to sound rude or anything, but uh what are you all doing here?”

“We’re here to help you dig out!” Lewis announced. “Brought a few shovels and some bags of salt. Just tell us where to start.”

“Dig…what?” you asked, confusion all over your face. “Oh, also, come on in. Get out of the cold.” You stepped aside, ushering the group into the small farmhouse for a reprieve from the weather. You tried to fight the blush from forming on your cheeks as Shane passed by you on his way in.

“Dig out,” Marnie explained. “Make some paths to the barns and anywhere else you might need. We know you have equipment in there and doing this will help with easier access. It won’t last forever with how much the snow is falling, but it’ll be better than trudging through a foot of snow.”

You honestly didn’t know what to say. Not because you were confused, but because the hospitality and kindness of your neighbors and friends was too much for words. Trying to swallow down the choking emotion in your throat, you simply nodded and smiled.

“Let’s get to work then.”

***

Your little group was able to work efficiently and effectively, even with the snow still falling. You and Marnie worked on clearing the porch and area around the front of the farmhouse while Shane and Lewis dug a path to the barn with all your kegs and barrels and jam makers. Jas pulled a bag of salt in a wagon behind her, scooping it out and spreading it on the newly cleared areas. The driveway was also cleared and salted to make getting in and out if need be easier. By the time that was all finished, it was afternoon. 

You invited everybody inside to dry out their clothes by the fire and warm up. Putting on a fresh pot of coffee, you pulled out some food to make sandwiches. It was the least you could do after all of their help. Your house felt lively for the first time in you weren’t sure how long. There was no fighting the smile on your face as you watched Lewis and Marnie arrange clothing and chat in front of the fire, Jas reading a book curled up on the couch, and Shane…where was he?

“Need a hand?” His voice behind you made you jump. Looking up at him, he gestured to the sandwich ingredients laid out on the counter. 

“Oh, that’d be great. Thanks,” you said, giving him a small smile that he returned. The two of you worked together to make what everyone had requested and a few extras just in case. 

“I saw your port is practically full of firewood,” Shane commented, glancing over at you. “You must’ve been pretty busy to get all of that.”

“Yeah,” you chuckled. “Chopping has taken up most of my time. Figured I should take your advice and be better prepared so I didn’t freeze to death in this blizzard.”

“Well, we can’t have that. Your secret gift recipient would be left out at the Feast of the Winter Star if you weren’t around,” he joked, earning a snort. 

“Speaking of, you really think that’s still going to happen? This weather is pretty bad. I mean, I know it’s still a few days away but I don’t think the storm is going anywhere.”

“We’ve had this happen before. The weather always clears up in time for the town gathering. I’ll admit I can’t explain it, but I’ve seen it happen a handful of times now and it never fails.”

“Huh, Pierre said the same thing.”

“I’m telling you-“ Shane was cut off by the sound of your phone buzzing on the kitchen table. Turning around to grab it, you excused yourself to answer, leaving him with the sandwiches. 

“Hey Dad, what’s up?” you answered, walking to the other side of the table. Shane would never admit that he may have been eavesdropping just a bit, but who could blame him? After all, it wasn’t as if he was pressed against a closed door listening in to your conversation, you were in the same room. “But…are you sure? I mean, you could always wait an extra day and come later.” He assumed the pause was because your dad was talking. “Yeah, no, I totally understand. Uh huh. Yeah, we’ll plan something. Love you, too. Bye.” Hanging up, you let out a sigh and stuffed your phone in your pocket before returning to the sandwich station.

“Everything okay?” Shane asked cautiously.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” you told him, but your voice betrayed your disappointment at whatever news you’d gotten. “My parents were supposed to come to the Valley for the Feast of the Winter Star and see the farm, but with the weather they just can’t get all the way out here.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

“Ah, it’s fine,” you assured him. “Just means I don’t have to worry about hosting my parents so, less pressure I suppose.” He simply nodded and you two finished up, placing plates loaded with food onto the table and calling the others in to eat. Shane dropped the subject but he kept thinking about it all through lunch and into the evening after they had returned to the ranch.


	16. Feast of the Winter Star

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I WAS TOO EXCITED TO GET THIS CHAPTER OUT SO IT ISN'T EDITED AND I APOLOGIZE BUT I JUST REALLY WANTED TO POST IT AND IT'S 3:30AM SO IT MAY BE RIDDLED WITH MISTAKES BUT IT'S HEREEEEE

Your knees popped and creaked as you stood up fully from where you were squatted in front of one of the kegs to inspect it and make sure there was no leak and that the liquid inside was fermenting properly. With a sigh, you walked out of the barn and made sure the door closed and latched behind you. The sky was overcast and gray, a cold wind whipping dry air into your face, but it wasn’t snowing.

Yet.

As you made your way toward the house from the barn, you saw someone walking up your porch steps. You’d recognize that mess of dark hair and blue coat anywhere, feeling a flutter in your stomach as you realized it was Shane. You weren’t sure if the flutter was dread or excitement that he was here. ‘Thankfully’, you thought to yourself. ‘I’m sober.’

“Hey,” you called out, watching as he knocked on the door and waited for an answer that wouldn’t come. Your voice caught his attention and the man turned toward you, returning the wave you sent him. Shane made his way down the steps and toward you, meeting you just before you reached the edge of the porch. 

“Hey,” he greeted, squinting against the wind. 

“Whatcha doin’ here?” you asked, hoping that didn’t sound rude. 

“Actually, I was coming to invite you to the ranch for the Feast of the Winter Star,” Shane said, momentarily rising up on his toes as he shoved his hands in his pockets. “I know you said your family couldn’t make it and you shouldn’t be alone on the holiday. We have plenty of room-“

“Shane,” you cut him off. “I appreciate the offer, it’s really nice, but I think I’ll pass. I don’t want to be a burden and it’s a time for family-“

“Exactly,” he insisted. “You’re our neighbor, Y/N. And we’d really love to have you. Marnie’s already planned your spot at the dinner table for the night before and there may or may not already be a package under the tree with your name on it.”

You could barely take in the words he was saying. Everyone here was overwhelmingly kind and you still weren’t used to it, even after nearly a year. You took your time contemplating his invitation, studying Shane’s face to make sure he was genuine. With a final sigh and a smile you couldn’t stop, you agreed.

“Marnie will be thrilled when I tell her,” he said, returning your grin. “And, of course, Jas. Come on over anytime tomorrow. Dinner is at 6. Bring some pajamas and a change of clothes. And there’s just one thing…” Shane paused, face screwing up against the wind as a hand came up to scratch at the back of his neck. He glanced behind you before finding your gaze and holding it intensely. “No alcohol. It’s just…Jas, with everything she went through with me…”

“I totally get it,” you assured him softly. “None. I promise.” Shane held your gaze for a few more moments before smiling and nodding. 

“Alright, well…I’ll see you tomorrow.” With that, he turned to go, but before he could get very far, you reached out and caught his hand. He looked back at you curiously, fingers instinctively curling around your gloved ones.

“Shane…thanks. The invite…it means a lot,” you admitted, squeezing his hand appreciatively.

“Of course, Y/N. You’re always welcome with us.”

With that, Shane walked back in the direction of the ranch and you headed home to start getting things together. 

***

Standing in front of the large wooden door to Marnie’s house, you felt…awkward. And nervous. It was a door you had knocked on and walked through countless times now. A door you had been carried through when unconscious after nearly drowning. A door you had excitedly waited to open for you. But now…

Well, now you were nervous. 

“They invited you here, they want you here,” you muttered to yourself, trying to assuage the knots in your stomach. With a deep breath, you finally raised your fist and knocked. The seconds after dragged on like years, but then the door was opening and Marnie’s face was smiling brightly at you.

“Y/N!” she said excitedly, pulling the heavy door open and stepping aside. “Come in, come in.” Once you were over the threshold, the older woman pulled you into an unexpected hug, her hands warm as they rubbed up and down your back. “I’m so happy you came.”

“Thank you so much for having me,” you told her, pulling back from the hug to give her a kind smile. “So, I brought gifts! Where should I put them?”

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that!” Marnie scolded lightly, turning to usher you into the living room where a large tree sat decorated colorfully. 

“I’ll confess that I got them long before your invitation so you would be receiving it either way.” You placed the gifts under the tree along with the other brightly wrapped packages there. As you stood up, a door on the other side of the room opened and Jas came bounding out, squealing that you were here.

“Miss Y/N!” she said excitedly, hugging your legs and making you laugh. “Happy Feast of the Winter Star!”

“You too,” you returned, grinning down at her. If you were honest, you weren’t sure why the little girl seemed to like you so much. You hadn’t spent much time together, but when you did, she had instantly taken a liking to you. Whatever it was, you were just happy she didn’t _dislike_ you. 

“Uncle Shane is in the shower, he was stinky after working in the chicken coop all day,” Jas informed you, earning a nod. 

“Well, thank Yoba he’s showering then or dinner wouldn’t be nearly as fun,” you joked, earning a giggle. “Speaking of, Marnie, can I help you with anything?”

“You’re a guest, dear, of course not! Besides, everything is either cooling or nearly finished cooking,” she said, but you wouldn’t take no for an answer. Marnie finally agreed to let you help Jas with setting the table and the little girl pulled you behind her toward the combined kitchen and dining room to do just that. 

You let Jas “teach” you how the place settings were to be done, watching carefully and following along to her instructions. Just as you the two of you were finishing up with the silverware, you heard a door open from somewhere else in the house and footsteps moving down a hallway.

“Marnie, do you know where my blade refills-“ Shane’s voice preceded his entrance into the kitchen as he called out for his aunt, catching your attention so that when he emerged in the doorway, your eyes were already trained on the spot. 

And Yoba, was it a sight to see.

Shane was fresh out of the shower, his hair still wet and dripping, but obviously having just had a towel scrubbed over it as it stood out on all sides. His chest was bare, water droplets still resting there as well, and the only clothing he had on was a towel wrapped loosely around his waist. 

Your eyes went wide at the site of him, traveling across the planes of his abdomen, taking in the trail of dark hair nestled between two faint lines that disappeared under the towel. ‘So, that’s what’s been under those clothes all along…’ you thought to yourself. ‘Fuck.’

Shane had frozen at the sight of you there, obviously caught off guard at your presence. He cleared his throat, trying to find his words again.

“I didn’t…know you were here yet,” he rasped, swallowing thickly. “Glad you came.” 

“Me too,” you said, eyes scanning his body once more. Realizing what you just did, your face instantly went hot and you turned your attention back to setting the table, doing anything you could to avoid eye contact with him. 

“Aunt Marnie is in her room on the phone,” Jas informed her godfather casually, not even pausing in her task. Shane nodded before glancing at you once more. 

“Thanks, kiddo,” he told her, turning to walk back the he had come. You heard another door close and let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding. You eyes flitted to the little girl in the room with you, praying to Yoba that she wouldn’t comment on what had just happened. 

Thankfully, she didn’t. 

***

Lewis had joined the family for dinner as well. You were grateful not to be the only guest and his presence helped facilitate conversation. You and Shane were doing your best not to make too much eye contact with one another, both still embarrassed about what had occurred earlier, but thankfully nobody seemed to notice. 

Marnie had prepared an amazing dinner, everything hot and delicious and way too many options for you to leave any room for seconds. You weren’t even sure how you were going to eat dessert, but nobody could pass up Marnie’s famous pumpkin pie and spiced whipped cream. Once the meal was finished and everyone’s eyes were becoming heavy, you volunteered to clean up the kitchen. Marnie tried to protest, but you insisted, standing up and beginning to clear the table. Shane also insisted on helping, flashing you a tight grin as he started gathering plates and dirty utensils. 

Marnie sent Jas off to get ready for bed and she and Lewis moved to the living room for coffee, leaving just you and Shane in the kitchen. For awhile, you worked in silence. He stored any leftovers, you washed and dried, and he put away. You were an efficient team, but the sound of clinking dishes was beginning to drive you mad, so you finally broke the tension.

“Dinner was amazing,” you said, voice scratching a bit from disuse. “Thank you so much again for inviting me.”

“Marnie is a great cook,” Shane agreed with a nod. He glanced over, finding your eyes and holding them for the first time in hours. “I’m glad you’re here.” You felt another blush color your cheeks so you turned your attention back to the dishes, smiling sheepishly at the soapy water. 

“So am I.” 

With the kitchen clean, Shane putting Jas to bed, and Lewis bidding everyone a goodnight, you grabbed your bag and asked where the bathroom was so you could change into your pajamas. Marnie pointed you down the hall and you thanked her as she bid you a goodnight, saying she couldn’t keep her eyes open anymore.

After going through your nighttime routine, you emerged from the bathroom and headed for the couch in the living room, trying your best to stay quiet in the creaky house. Digging in your bag, you found the book you had brought and nestled up to read, enjoying the warmth and light of the fire while the snow fell out the window behind you. You were several chapters in a couple of hours later when footsteps caught your attention.

“Oh hey,” you said softly as Shane walked into the room. Closing your book, you offered a smile. 

“Still up I see,” he greeted, returning your grin. “Can I join you?” You patted the empty cushion next to you and Shane sat as you curled up your legs to make space for him.

“Yeah, this book is really good, I can’t put it down. Oh, I ate one of the cookies Jas left out for Santa, I hope that’s okay?”

“That’s actually what I came out here to do,” Shane whispered conspiratorially, pointing to the plate on the end table next to you. You gladly handed it over, snatching another one off of it as you did. Silence stretched on as the two of you ate your cookies and then Shane brought up exactly what you had hoped he wouldn’t. “About earlier…” he started, avoiding eye contact. “I’m really sorry about that. That was…embarrassing.” 

“Trust me, you have nothing to be embarrassed about,” you mumbled around your cookie, eyes going wide and one hand flying to cover your mouth as you realized what you’d just said. Again. Shane’s eyes snapped to yours, one brow raised a smirk lifting one corner of his mouth. “I- um…” There was no saving it, so you just started laughing, Shane joining you with a deep chuckle. 

The two of you sat up talking, trying to stay quiet so as not to disturb the rest of the hosue and losing all track of time. You told Shane about your book, he told you about the plans he had for the chicken business this spring. You talked about the types of birds you could get for your farm and all your future plans for expanding into dairy cows and maybe even goats one day. Before you knew it, the clock read well past 2 am and your cheeks ached from laughing and smiling so much. 

“Hey, can I…can I ask you something?” Shane’s tone was cautious, but your walls were already down. There was something about the late-night atmosphere, snow falling outside, just the fire and a small lamp lighting the living room of the ranch house, peaceful quiet settled over everything that begged for deep conversation.

“Go for it,” you told him, propping your head up against your hand as your elbow perched on the back of the couch and giving him a lopsided grin.

“Back at the start of winter a couple months ago, I came to the saloon to pick you up one night,” he started, eyes averting to the blanket that lay over both of your laps. “And when I drove you home, you said something that I’ve wondered about since. You…you said that it seemed like everybody already had their eyes on someone special. And that none of those eyes were on you. Why do you think that?”

You blinked at Shane a few times, vaguely recalling the conversation he was referring to and trying to pull your answer together. 

“Oh, uh well, first of all, every woman in this town is insanely beautiful, must be something in the mountain water, but besides that…” you started, taking a deep breath and collecting your thoughts. “I just…don’t live up to any of them.”

“How do you figure that?” Shane asked, voice quiet and strained as his chest ached hearing your words.

“Well, Haley is beyond gorgeous. I mean, she could be a model. And she’s so…feminine and delicate, you know? Dainty even, but in a classy way. Plus, her photography is beautiful. Maru is wicked smart and has such a passion for helping others, which is amazing. She’s going to go on and do great things one day, maybe make some sort of scientific discovery or something. Leah has this beautiful artistic soul that just radiates out of her. I mean, the stuff she makes is just…she’s incredibly talented. And Abigail is so bold and driven. She has an adventurer’s spirit and it’s like nothing scares her. Emily is so crafty and talented, too, and she’s just such a beautiful, bubbly, free spirit. She never has a bad thing to say about anyone or anything and she doesn’t care what other people think. And then Penny…” You paused, sighing a deep breath before continuing. “Well, Penny is beautiful and sweet and helpful. She’s great with the kids and she may be a little shy, but she’s always so warm.”

“And you?” Shane asked, brows raised. You met his eyes with a puzzled look.

“What do you mean?”

“What do you think about yourself?”

“I…I’m not sure,” you lied, frowning out the window. “I know I’m not any of those things.” Shane studied you closely for a moment before cupping your cheek gently and turning your face back to his.

“Y/N…” His thumb traced gently over your cheekbone, sending a shiver through your body. Shane’s eyes flitted across your features, taking them all in and making you blush before they returned to yours. “You’re all of those things and more. You’re beautiful and talented and driven and kind and so smart. You came to the Valley with nothing, no knowledge of farming, no family or friends, and you figured it out. You turned around your grandpa’s farm, you took the time to get to know everyone in town, you always offer help to anyone who may need it. You’re…you’re amazing.”

Tears built up in your eyes, one finally rolling down only for him to wipe it away. That was the sweetest, most genuine thing somebody had ever said to you and your heart was beating so hard that you thought it would fly right out of your chest. The space between the two of you had disappeared sometime during your conversation and now he was right there, lips just inches away, the warmth from his hand radiating through you. There was a pause where both of you held your breath and then eyes were fluttering shut and his nose was brushing against yours and-

You turned your head at the last second, Shane’s palm falling from your cheek as you fought to restrain yourself.

“Shane,” you whispered, feeling his breathing pick back up as his forehead rested against your temple. “You’re seeing somebody else.” The words broke your voice with the strain of having to say them.

“Right,” he sighed, his own deep voice hoarse and scratchy with barely controlled restraint as he pulled back slowly. “I’m sorry-“

“No, don’t be,” you insisted, head snapping up to shake gently at him, eyes pleading. “Please.” He held your gaze for a few more moments before finally breaking the tension with a strained smile.

“I should get to bed. Jas will be up in a few hours.”

“Yeah, me too.” Shane stood and stretched, trying his best to appear casual and unbothered.

“Hey why don’t you let me take the couch and you can have my bed,” he offered. 

“No, no, I’m perfectly fine here. And I know how much this old couch hurts your back. Old man.” You threw a playful wink at him and Shane rolled his eyes.

“Alright, alright,” he said, turning to go. “I’ll see ya in the morning.” 

“Night.” After you heard his bedroom door click closed, you collapsed into the couch, pulling a pillow over your face and groaning into it. Instead of falling asleep, you spent most of the next few hours staring at the ceiling trying to process what the hell had just happened. Or rather, _almost_ happened. 

And trying to process how much you wished it had. 

***

The next morning seemed to come much too quickly for your liking because 1) you had barely slept and were now feeling the results of that and 2) you had to face Shane. You tried to push both of those to the back of your mind, instead focusing on the excitement of the holiday. 

Jas sure was excited, bouncing around the house and asking if it was time to open presents yet. Marnie made coffee and Shane tried to reel in Jas as much as he could, but it was a fruitless effort. You gratefully took the mug that was offered to you, scooting to make room on the couch while the little girl began to distribute the presents under the tree and Shane and Marnie sat down as well. You were surprised to have two wrapped gifts placed in front of you.

The three of you watched Jas open all her presents, squealing in joy with each new thing she revealed and practically chanting ‘thank you’s. Once she was finished, Marnie insisted that Shane open his gifts next and she followed. The two of them practically gushed over what you had gotten them, insisting it wasn’t necessary but thankful nonetheless. For Marnie, you had found a handmade, intricately designed, iron recipe book holder. For Shane, a signed, first edition copy of his favorite book. He was speechless when he opened it, glancing up at you with wonder in his face. You had simply smiled brightly in return. 

When it was your turn to open, you felt a nervous twinge in your gut. Picking up the lighter package first, you dripped apart the paper to find a beautiful sundress with bright, colorful flowers adorning the fabric. Jas excitedly said that she had picked it out special for you and she hoped that you would wear it to the Flower Dance later in the spring, which you hadn’t been able to attend this year. You told her that it was gorgeous and you loved it, making the little girl giddy. The next package was much heavier, confusing you more than you already were. Once you got the paper off, you found a box that you then had to open, and packed within that box was a sturdy wooden sign. On the sign was the name of your grandfather’s farm, Sunny Ridge, with the logo he had always used, a sun rising over rolling hills and forest. 

Tears burned in your eyes and your mouth hung open at the sight of the sign and all its beautiful glory. You truly didn’t know what to say, instead running your fingers gently over the words burnt into the wood. 

“How did you…this is….I don’t even know what to say,” you managed, words breaking as a smile spread across your lips. Marnie’s hand reached out and squeezed your knee.

“We thought you could use a new sign to hang up at the entrance to the farm,” she said, voice sweet and soft. “After all, it’s your legacy now, your brand.” You sniffled and looked at her with watery eyes before smiling over at Shane as well, noting the soft happiness on his features. 

“Thank you,” you told them both. “So much. This is…amazing.” 

***

Pierre had been right, the weather broke and it was a beautiful afternoon for the town celebration. After your emotional morning, everyone at the ranch got ready for the day, gathering their gifts for the town secret exchange and donning coats to head off toward the square. You marveled at the decorations set up, the huge tree decorated and surrounded by gifts in the middle of town. Rows of tables sat out and Gus had all the food set up outside the saloon with large warmers under everything to keep it hot. 

Jas ran off to play with Vincent and Marnie went to wish everyone a happy holiday. You weren’t exactly sure what to do now that you were here, but Shane awkwardly bid you a goodbye grin and went to meet Penny, who was already walking toward him. Face burning, you quickly turned and went to find the first thing you could to distract yourself. Thankfully, Robin and her family weren’t far off so you sidled over to them and began to wish a happy holiday. 

You glanced occasionally over to where Shane and Penny sat at a table on the other side of the square. She pulled out a small box and handed it over to him, smiling in delight as he handed her a gift as well. A strange feeling of guilt and dread welled up inside you at the sight of them together knowing what had almost happened between the two of you the night before. 

‘But nothing _did_ happen’, you told yourself sternly. ‘So, stop thinking about it.’ 

Lewis finally announced the gift exchange and people began to shuffle toward the tree, finding the presents for their secret Santas. The square was filled with the sounds of ripping paper, polite ‘thank you’s, and chatter. You picked up your gift and went to find Sebastian, the name Lewis had assigned to you. Once you located him, you handed over the small box with a smile. He opened it up to reveal an engraved lighter, something both useful and personal, and gave you a smile, probably the largest you’d ever seen Sebastian have, but still barely lifting the corners of his mouth.

“This is awesome, Y/N, thanks,” he said, turning it in his hand to check it out. 

“I’m glad you like it,” you replied, satisfied with your gift choice. Someone tapped you on the shoulder and you turned to find Sam grinning widely at you.

“Happy Feast of the Winter Star!” he told you brightly. “I’m your secret gift-giver!” He thrust a package in your hands and you smiled politely at him. 

“Hey, thanks, Sam.” You opened the present to find a phone case decorated with dolphins on it inside. _Oh_. Doing your best to give a good reaction, you pulled it out and tried to look excited. “Wow, this is great! Thanks!”

“I knew you’d like it,” Sam said confidently, bumping your arm with his fist before jogging off to go find his own secret Santa. Letting your face drop, you looked closer at the case in your hand. It wasn’t even for the right kind of phone. 

What you didn’t notice were the dark green eyes darting to look over at you, catching your disappointment at the less-than-ideal gift. 

Shortly after the gift exchange, families began to pack up and head home as it would be getting dark, and much colder, soon. You were more than ready to go home and have a drink, but you offered your help with cleaning up anyway. Lewis shooed you off, saying you had done more than your fair share during Spirit’s Eve and you didn’t have the will to fight him. 

After picking your things up from Marnie’s, you trudged back to the farm, immediately getting a fire started to warm the place up. Throwing your shitty phone case to the side and carefully propping your sign up on the mantle, you grabbed a drink and curled up on the couch. You sat, admiring your sign, until you were ready for bed. As you got up to move that way, you checked your phone to find a message from an unknown number.

_Unknown - Happy Feast of the Winter Star. Hope you had a good holiday_

You stared hard at the words on the screen, heart pounding as you studied the number. You were sure that you’d never seen it before. With shaking fingers, you finally typed out a reply.

_F – I think you have the wrong number, but happy holidays to you too!_

That was polite enough, right? Because that’s what it had to be, a harmless wrong number. That was all. You waited and waited for a reply, finally moving yourself to go get ready for bed. Your eyes constantly glanced at your phone as you washed your face, brushed your teeth, changed into pajamas, got into bed…still, no reply. 

You barely slept for the second night in a row.


	17. New Year's Eve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been on a kick trying to roll some updates out for you guys!!! I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to consistently update like this (school is still a thing, after all) but I hope you've enjoyed these last few chapters coming out relatively quickly! I had fun writing this one and I hope you guys enjoy it :)
> 
> As per usual, I'm finishing this at a ridiculous time because I got on a roll and just couldn't let myself stop, so it is unedited and I apologize. I'll try to come back through in the next few days and fix the kinks but just so I can get it out ASAP, here it is in its raw, unedited glory!

With the Feast of the Winter Star passed, the new year had quickly approached. Unsurprisingly, New Year’s Eve was a public affair, with the whole of Pelican Town gathering at the saloon for a night of relaxation, celebration, and, of course, drinking. It was a send-off to the year that’d come and gone and a hearty welcome for the one about to begin.

The letter had arrived from Lewis just a few days before detailing everything and ending with a confident “See you there, farmer!” as if it hadn’t crossed his mind that you may contest the invite. But, as usual, here you were sitting in the saloon on the special occasion, a drink in your hand and two already coursing through your veins. 

Loud music blared through the jukebox and people were dancing their cares away while others preferred their usual seats and conversation. Tonight, you were perched on a bar stool instead of holed up in a booth isolating and pitying yourself. It was a night that gave you an excuse to get shit-faced, using the mask of celebration instead of trying to come up with a believable reason as to why you felt the need to drown yourself in alcohol on a regular Tuesday evening.

Members of the town you didn’t usually see in the Stardrop were even here tonight, like Caroline, who was currently giggling at something her husband was whispering in her ear as he held her close for a dance. Jas and Vincent were set up at a table with some activities to do, Jodi keeping a watchful eye on the kids as Kent sat with his arm draped over the back of her chair. He was drinking a beer and she had a simple soda. 

You were friendly and talkative tonight, keeping a small smile plastered on your face to seem inviting. Marnie had come over to hug you and chat, wishing you a happy new year and asking about all the things you had planned for the farm. Lewis, of course, had done the same once he saw that you had, in fact, taken him up on the invite to the saloon. Even Pam had said a few words to you, raising her glass in a ‘cheers’ across the bar. Leah was currently engaging you in conversation, gushing about the upcoming spring and all the inspiration it would bring for her art.

“Do you ever think about displaying your pieces? Or selling them?” you asked, taking another swig from your bottle. “They’re beautiful creations, Leah, I’m sure a lot of people would pay well for them.” The woman’s cheeks tinted red at your suggestion, her eyes averting to the bar top. 

“I _have_ thought about it, actually,” she admitted. “It’s just…I’m too nervous to actually put on an art show or something. My art…it’s a part of me. Putting it on display is like- like baring your soul to strangers.”

“That makes complete sense,” you told her with a gentle smile. “But you’re incredibly talented and the things you create are beautiful and unique, just like you. If you ever were interested in doing an art show, I’d be more than happy to help you with it. But only when you’re ready.”

“Really Y/N?” Leah asked, eyes wide with wonder as a large grin split her face. 

“Absolutely!” Before you could finish getting the word out, Leah was surging forward in her seat and wrapping her arms around your neck. It caught you off guard at first, but you quickly returned the hug.

“That means so much to me, you’re such an amazing friend. Thank you.” Her words were mumbled into your hair, but you understood them just fine and couldn’t help but smile to yourself. Sometimes you forgot how good it could feel to actually interact with people instead of just shutting yourself away. 

Leah soon changed the subject to the farm and your upcoming plans, something everybody it seemed was interested in. You rattled off about adding chickens once it was warm enough now that the coop was fixed and expanding the fields and the irrigation. Of course, the usual work always remained, too: fixing fences and building new ones, constructing scarecrows, general farm maintenance. Your biggest goal, though, was to have the dairy barn fixed up and ready for some cows by fall. 

As you spoke, the door to the saloon opened, drawing your attention. Honestly, you weren’t sure who wasn’t already here. Your breath hitched in your chest when you saw who was walking in, though: Shane, and on his arm, Penny. Leah’s eyebrows raised at your sudden change in behavior and mood, her gaze following yours to the couple now walking to find a place to sit, his hand resting gently on her lower back. The redhead’s face turned back to yours with a nervous- no, _pitiful_ expression. Leah had a natural talent for picking up on things.

“Y/N-“ she started, reaching for your knee, but you quickly stood up from your stool and cleared your throat. 

“I’m going to go use the ladies’ room,” you told her, stalking off before she could say anything. Emily had also happened to catch the exchange as she hastily tended bar, her eyes finding Leah’s in the chaos. The two shared a knowing look, but really, what could they do?

You took your time in the restroom trying to compose yourself and figure how you should best handle the situation. You didn’t want to leave the saloon, but you also didn’t want to stare at Shane and Penny all night and slowly stew over it, either. Giving yourself a stern pep talk in the mirror, you finally emerged with your head held high, sidling up to the bar to order another drink and a shot of vodka.

The usual trio of Abigail, Sam, and Sebastian were set up in the back room. Tonight, however, they were joined by Maru, Hailey, and Alex. Since that was where Shane and his girlfriend were _not_ , that’s where you decided to be. After throwing back your shot, you grabbed your beer, bid goodbye to Leah, and headed for the back. You were greeted happily by the group, immediately pulled into conversation with Abby.

Because it was a special occasion, Gus had allowed the group to turn the pool table into a beer pong table instead, so long as nobody else wanted to play billiards. They had a serious tournament going on and you quickly opted to join, much to the delight of Sam and Alex who wanted another competitor to beat so they could show off their skills. 

What they didn’t know, however, was how _fucking awesome_ you were at beer pong.

Whether it was singles or doubles, it didn’t matter: you were dominating everyone. And getting more and more drunk by the minute. The only person you hadn’t yet faced was Sebastian. He seemed to be the most sober of everyone, besides maybe Maru, and you were soaring on that high point between peak drunk and stumbling drunk. 

“Bring it on,” you told him with no fear, earning cheers from the others who were eager to watch this showdown. Sebastian simply smirked and took his place at the other end of the table, signaling for you to go first. 

It was an intense match, with each of you sinking ball after ball and steadily dwindling down the number of cups on the table. You had decided to make it more interesting, adding shots to the mix with every sunk shot. Words slurred together when you spoke and your feet became less and less steady, but dammit, you were having fun. Sebastian must have been feeling it, too, because he had missed his last shot and you were down to one cup to win it all. Lining up your toss, the onlookers chattered nervously, anticipation swelling and building until you finally pulled back and let the ball roll off your fingertips, arcing through the air….and right into the last cup.

Cheering erupted around you and you jumped with excitement as Seb picked up the last cup to down its contents. Alex and Sam lifted you on their shoulders in celebration and others in the bar started peeking in to see what all the fuss was about. Once your fanbase had calmed down, you walked around the table and extended your hand to your opponent with a large smile.

“Good game,” you told him, throwing a wink. He clapped his palm into yours and gave one steady shake. 

“You too,” he returned. “You’re one hell of a pong player.” 

“Had a lot of practice back in college,” you said with a shrug. 

“I’m gonna step out for a smoke. Wanna join me?” Seb asked and you decided to take him up on his offer, figuring the cool air outside would do you some good. You hadn’t expected how wobbly you’d be as you followed him to the door, stepping carefully down the few stairs and making your way to the side of the building.

Sebastian handed you a cigarette. Placing it between your lips, you leaned over for him to light it for you, noting happily that he was using the engraved zippo you’d gotten him for the holidays. 

“This thing is awesome,” he told you, studying it once more. “Really, this was a great gift. Thanks.”

“I’m just glad you like it so much,” you said, taking a long drag. “And that it’s actually useful.” There was something in your tone that caught Seb’s attention. 

“What’d you get again? Sam was your gift giver, right?”

“Yeah,” you sighed. “Sweet kid. But he got me a phone case covered in dolphins, of all things. And,” you added with a laugh. “It isn’t for the right kind of phone.” Sebastian couldn’t help but chuckle at that.   
“Oh, Sam,” he breathed. “I’m sorry you got such a shit gift. You deserved better than that.” You could feel Sebastian’s eyes on you in the dark as he puffed away at the stick between his lips. Trying not to focus on that, you shrugged. 

“It’s whatever. It’s just a silly gift exchange anyway.”

“You put a lot of effort into it. He could’ve done the same.” You finally turned to meet Seb’s eyes, holding his gaze for awhile as you took your last drag and smiled at him around it. Putting the cigarette out on the brick wall, you stood up straight to stretch.

“Alright, I’m freezing. Let’s get back in there.” The man followed you back into the saloon, watching to make sure you didn’t fall on the way. You thanked him again for the smoke, smiling broadly back at him and not having any idea that someone was watching your exchange with interest.

Instead of joining the group in the back room again, you opted instead for the seat at the end of bar next to wall. It was isolated enough, but not totally disconnected from all the other patrons. You were sure that it was beginning to get late into the night by now and the countdown to the new year would likely be starting shortly. Ordering yet another drink, you took a few moments to sit with your thoughts. That is, until someone interrupted them.

“Hey,” Shane said, sliding into the chair next to you. You glanced up at him briefly and returned the greeting. “Happy New Year,” he told you, offering a smile. 

“Same to you.” Yoba, you were trying not to be awkward but the only things playing through your mind at that moment was the near-kiss you’d almost shared barely a week ago and the moment he walked into the bar with Penny tonight. Shane felt the awkward tension, too, taking a couple sips from his can and sitting with you in silence before finally clearing his throat. 

“I got something for you,” he said, sliding a small package your way. Brows knitting together, you were confused.

“Uh, what’s this for?”

“To make up for the shitty gift Sam got you at the Feast of the Winter Star,” Shane explained simply. You blinked at him both in shock that he knew and also trying to play it off like you didn’t know what he was referring to. “I saw you unwrap it, Y/N. It won’t even fit your phone. Plus, it’s covered in _dolphins_ for Yoba’s sake,” Shane told you, throwing a playful smirk your way. 

“You didn’t have to do this, you know,” you said softly, not able to fight the small grin that curved up your mouth. 

“Just open it.” You did as you were told, finding something inside that made you gasp. Your fingers gingerly reached in, pulling out a small silver necklace adorned with a plough charm.

“Shane…” you started, losing the words. “I can’t…this is…this really isn’t necessary-“

“I know,” he said, cutting you off and holding your bewildered gaze with an intensity that had you practically melting into the floor. 

“Thank you,” you finally managed to whisper. Just then, Gus announced that the countdown to the new year was starting, tuning the jukebox to a radio station instead that was airing it. It began at 30 seconds and everyone began milling about to find their partners to kiss at the end, but you and Shane stayed exactly as you were, holding each other’s eyes. Shane’s gaze darted briefly down to your lips and it felt like the heart in your chest stopped beating. 

And then there she was, pulling his attention back to her and breaking the trance. Quick as you could, you dropped the necklace back into the box and shoved it into your lap. Penny gave a quiet ‘hello’ and a sheepish smile to you before turning back to Shane. With a final glance back at you, he stood up and walked off with her, likely knowing that having them stand so close to you and kiss would quite literally rip you apart inside. 

15 seconds left. 

You gathered your coat, figuring you’d come back in the morning to square your tab with Gus. 

10 seconds.

Shaky legs carried you toward the door. Just before reaching it, you turned to find him one last time. His hands were on her waist, hers around his neck as they looked at each and counted down with the rest of the bar. 

5, 4, 3, 2…

Just as the countdown ended and everyone shouted ‘Happy New Year!’, the door was swinging closed behind you.


	18. The Dilemma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLOOOOOO MY LOVES!
> 
> Been awhile, eh? Life has been totally crazy with everything going on and I've been so preoccupied with figuring out school and just generally how to live and stay safe right now that I sort of totally forgot about this story, oopsie! Well, I got on the other day and realized it had been nearly a month since I updated and was TOTALLY SHOCKED! I had no idea it had been that long and wow am I so sorry!
> 
> So, I got on today and punched out the next chapter so that I could get it posted for you guys!!! It is totally unedited because I wanted it up ASAP for y'all. Also, my writing just kind of took a turn so be prepared for quite the doozy of a chapter ;)
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think!!!

You honestly weren’t sure how you got home last night, but when your eyes finally fluttered open to the assaulting sunlight streaming in through the window, you realized that you were sprawled across your couch. A loud groan escaped your throat as the next thing you noticed was the splitting headache pounding against your skull. Trying to ignore it and go back to sleep, you quickly realized, was not going to happen. 

Sitting up, your brows scrunched together at the slight sway in your movements and the nausea it caused in your stomach. Yoba, could you _be_ drunk and hungover at the same time? That thought was soon pushed aside as you felt the sudden need to run for the toilet, stumbling as you went and looking for support on the walls.

Standing on shaky legs to brush your teeth afterward, you looked into the mirror and yelped at your appearance. Bags lined your eyes and a long red scratch ran down the side of your face. There were twigs and leaves in your hair, which itself was tangled like a rat’s nest. 

“Yoba, did I fall into a fucking bush last night?!” The other thing that caught your eye was the glint of silver around your neck, your fingers coming up slowly to run over the little charm that lay in the center of your chest. If your head wasn’t so muffled from the hangover, a million thoughts probably would be running through it. Instead, you simply sighed and figured you’d overthink the gift later when you had more mental capacity. 

Grabbing your toothbrush, you left the mirror and started about trying to tame the flipping in your gut. You made your way to the kitchen and started a pot of coffee, glancing at the time on your coffee machine. It was already nearly noon. With that set to brew, you wandered back to the bathroom and finished brushing your teeth before stripping down and jumping into the shower. You were ashamed to admit that you threw up two more times while in there, but after that was purged from your system, the water started to make you feel a little more human. 

Moseying back to the kitchen now that you were showered and changed, you filled a mug with the hot liquid, then poured just a bit of Irish Cream in as well. ‘Hair of the dog,’ you thought, taking a grateful sip. Grabbing your phone for the first time all morning, you settled down at the table and unlocked it. What you found made your stomach drop.

_Unknown – Happy New Year from your wrong number text! Hope it’s a great one for you_

You blinked several times at the words on your screen before finally forcing yourself to breathe again. The message seemed innocent enough. This stranger who had reached out to you thinking you were someone else before was now just wishing you another happy holiday. Because it was nice to do that. And completely normal. Maybe they were drunk and thought it would be fun? Or maybe…

You didn’t let yourself entertain another possibility, instead firmly settling on the first one. Taking a deep, cleansing breath, you typed out a polite reply saying that you wished the same to them and waited. 

No reply. 

Maybe today you would just turn your phone off completely and be more focused in the moment. Doing just that, you left it on the table and went to curl up on the couch to spend your day watching movies.

***

Shane was annoyed.

Well, maybe annoyed wasn’t quite the right word, but he was surely more irritable than usual. The smallest things seemed to throw him into a sour mood and he was frequently snapping at those around him. He’d lost count of the times he had to apologize for exactly that over the last few weeks. Whenever Marnie tried to push him to explain what was going on, though, he’d simply mumble some excuse and find a reason to leave the room. 

It just seemed like no matter what he did, Shane couldn’t get you out of his head. He was constantly thinking about you. About the kiss you almost shared, about your reaction to the necklace. Hell, it was like a slideshow was on loop in his mind of every interaction he’d had with you since you’d met practically a year ago. When he pulled you out of the water, talking with you after the moonlight jellies, taking you to Harvey for your ankle, the night he had kissed you outside the Stardrop saloon. 

Yoba, did he think about that kiss. And how much he wanted to kiss you again because the memory of it just wasn’t enough anymore. 

The other emotion that Shane had been struggling with was guilt. Here he was, a man in a relationship, and his thoughts were completely preoccupied with a woman that was not his girlfriend. He was losing sleep agonizing over Penny. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her, but he knew that the longer he let this go on, the worse it would be in the end.

Shane knew that _something_ had to be done. 

What he wasn’t sure about, was what exactly that something should be. Did he work out his hang-up on you and move forward in his relationship with Penny, hopefully guilt-free? To do that, he would likely have to cut you out of his life, a solution that was less than ideal but would be necessary if he was ever going to actually get you out of his head. But then, would that even really be possible? This was a small town and no matter how much he didn’t want to, he would end up running into you sooner or later. Maybe instead he should end things with Penny as gently as he could and finally try to figure things out with you? 

That night he stared up at the ceiling as his mind fought sleep, cursing the universe or Yoba or himself, whoever the hell was responsible for this whole mess.

***

The following week, winter began its slow march out of the Valley. The snow had melted for the most part and the skies weren’t so perpetually dreary. It wasn’t spring yet, but it was definitely coming. Pierre had written you to tell you about the new seed shipments and had sent another catalogue, instructing you to circle what you’d like him to order special and get it back to him by the end of the week so he could get it all organized. 

You still didn’t have much to occupy your time as you couldn’t start spring prep just yet, so your routine remained mostly the same. Get up and shower, check the jam makers and kegs in the barn, maybe chop a bit of wood, eat lunch, make farm plans, clean the house, all while downing drinks until you could hardly see straight, pass out somewhere, and wake up to do it all again. You also had been keeping a close eye on your phone to see if any more texts from the unknown number came through. So far, none had, but you couldn’t help but worry. You’d be lying if you said that you hadn’t been feeling a bit paranoid over it all, but you lived way out in the country where it was safe and secure. 

Tonight, your routine was a little different. Instead of getting completely wasted, you only had a couple small glasses as you perused the seed catalogue and did some farm planning. You’d drawn diagram plots of the existing fields and mapped out where you were thinking of adding some new garden space for a field of flowers. Buried in the barn you had come across some blueprints for bee hives and gotten the idea to expand into honey. 

As you flipped through the pages eagerly, taking notes while going along, a loud, persistent pounding on your front door rang out. 

You immediately froze in place, your mind jumping to the texts on your phone. Heart feeling like it was going to thud out of your chest, you finally willed yourself to move. Grabbing one of the many empty liquor bottles from the counter and holding it by the neck, you made your way cautiously toward the door, the pounding knocks matching the erratic beat of your heart. With a deep breath to steady yourself, you turned the lock on the door slowly and pulled it open just enough to peak outside. Relief flooded through you and a heavy sigh left your lips as you saw it was just Shane, pulling the door the rest of the way open and setting the bottle in your hand down discreetly on a side table.

“Shane, you scared the shit out of me,” you breathed, still coming down off of that rush of fear. Your brows furrowed together as you then began to wonder why he was here at this hour and why he looked so upset. “What’s up, is something wrong? It’s late and your knocking was-“ 

Before you could finish your sentence, Shane was stepping forward faster than you could comprehend, grabbing your face in his hands, and smashing his lips against yours.

_*1 hour earlier*_

Shane was distracted, that much Marnie could tell. Her nephew had been distant and irritable for the past few weeks and for the life of her she couldn’t figure out why. Marnie had thought the worst at one point, that he’d gone back to drinking, but after some snooping around she could confidently say that wasn’t it, thank Yoba. 

She watched as Shane and Jas washed the dishes after dinner. He wasn’t his usual engaged self with the little girl, instead only offering small bits of conversation to her in quiet hums and head nods. His mind just seemed to be somewhere else and Marnie couldn’t help but wonder if it had anything to do with the farmer.

Shane had one eye on his phone and one eye on the sink as he and Jas finished cleaning up. Ruffling her hair and sending her off to shower, Shane ambled back to his room quietly.

No new message, no missed calls, nothing.

With a frustrated sigh, he called Penny again, his second time tonight. Pacing the room, he got more and more annoyed with each passing ring and no answer, hanging up with a huff as her voicemail intercepted the call yet again. In his bout of anger, Shane threw his phone onto the bed and ran his hands down his face.

“Fuck,” he cursed, the feelings inside him building to a boiling point. 

Shane had decided to end things with Penny, but how the hell was he supposed to do that if she wouldn’t return his damn calls? He refused to be an asshole and breakup with her over text, instead opting to meet up somewhere and talk. Checking his phone yet again, Shane growled low in his throat with frustration at the empty screen. 

Yoba, he was going to go crazy sitting in this fucking room alternating staring at the wall and his phone. He had to get out. 

And he had to see you.

_*Present*_

The kiss was hot and charged and _electric_. 

You were kissing him back right away, the dam of tension finally breaking the two of you, and you didn’t even try to resist. Shane’s mouth was _commanding_ yours and you were more than happy to let it. The force of your kiss had the two of you stumbling back until you ran into the kitchen table. Your lips broke apart and his mouth was trailing down your jaw as you whimpered, fingers finding the zipper on his jacket and pulling it down so you could shove the fabric off his arms.

Shane’s hands were everywhere it seemed. Tangling in your hair to pull you closer, running down your back, gripping your sides, pulling your legs around his waist. Your lips were back on his fiercely as he hoisted you up, stumbling back toward what you could only assume was the bedroom. Your suspicions were confirmed when your back bounced on the mattress, Shane’s body quickly covering your own and mouths only apart long enough to catch a breath. 

The heat between you was too much and you decided that there were too many clothes still present in this equation. Your hands found the hem of his shirt and run underneath over the smooth planes of his torso, earning a shiver. Shane sat up and you bite your lip as he pulled the offending fabric off and tossed it somewhere. Before he could return to you, you were sitting up as well, your touch exploring his skin as you kissed a hot trail from his chest up to his neck, relishing in the deep groan he let out. 

A loud ringing sounded, startling the both of you. 

“Fuck, not now,” Shane growled, pulling the phone from his jeans and silencing the call before tossing it on the bed. Turning his attention back to you, the man smirked in a devilish way that sent heat coursing through you. “Yoba, you’re gorgeous,” he breathed, making you blush. “But you’re overdressed.” You laughed as he practically tore the shirt from your body, the two of you falling back against the pillows.

Shane’s fingers ran over the newly exposed curves of your form, gliding up your sides and over the lacey bralette that still covered your chest. He practically growled as he took you in, but as his eyes scanned up your form, they softened. Shane’s fingers inched toward your neck, gently running over the silver charm that rested against your skin.

“You’re wearing it,” he said with awe in his voice.

“Of course I am,” you replied hoarsely, his eyes snapping to yours. They seemed to search for… _something_ , and then he was kissing you again. Your hands ran through Shane’s dark hair as he moved down your jaw and to your neck, pausing to nip playfully at the metal chain, before blazing a hot trail farther down. 

You were lost in the sensation, your body feeling like it was on fire under his touch and the desire in your lower belly threatening to burn a hole through you. You gasped and arched into him as Shane traced the edge of your bralette with his tongue. Fuck, you wanted him more than you had ever wanted anything in your entire life and you wondered if this would be the death of you. 

Just as you felt as if you couldn’t take it anymore, a small ding grabbed your attention. Shane’s phone laid next to your head on the bed, the screen lighting up as a new message came in. But when you saw the name and the message preview, your body froze. 

It was Penny. 

She had texted him to ask if everything was okay since he didn’t answer when she’d returned his call. And she was calling him “babe”. 

“Wait, wait,” you panted, pulling yourself back from Shane and half sitting up, staring down at the phone as your blood ran cold. 

“What’s wrong?” Shane asked, concern heavy in his voice. “Did I-“

“Are you still with Penny?” you deadpanned, snapping your head over to look him directly in the eye. The color in Shane’s face drained and he sat back, running a hand through his hair. 

“I…just let me-“ he started, but you cut him off. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” you yelled, scrambling off the bed as the anger and disgust overtook you. “What the actual _fuck_ Shane! You come over here to sleep with me while you still have a _fucking girlfriend?_ ” You found your shirt and threw it on before hugging your arms to your chest, suddenly feeling too exposed. 

“I’ve been trying to end things with her, I swear,” Shane pleaded, holding his hands out in what was probably supposed to be a calming gesture, but just served to piss you off even more. 

“Oh, so since you’ve been trying to break up with her, you thought it would okay to come over here and fuck me and it wouldn’t ‘technically’ count as cheating?” you shot at him. 

“No, that’s not- Y/N, please-“

“Get out. Get out of my fucking house,” you demanded, storming toward the door of the bedroom. 

“If I could just explain-“

“I don’t want an explanation!” Your voice was shaking and hot, angry tears threatened to spill over. “I want you to fucking leave.”

Seeing that he wasn’t going to get another word in, Shane hastily gathered his things, getting redressed, and made a beeline for the door. As he pulled it open, though, he paused one last time to turn and look back at you, his eyes red-rimmed.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice cracking. “I’m so sorry.” Closing your own eyes so he wouldn’t see the tears, you simply shook your head. 

“Figure your shit out, Shane,” you told him quietly, hearing a pause before the front door closed and he was gone.


	19. The Break Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short length of this one, I just wanted to get something out there for you all. Hope you enjoy it 🖤

The walk back to the ranch was a blur for Shane. Between the darkness, his racing mind, and his fast pace, he was heading through the front door before he even knew it. Not thinking about it, Shane accidentally let the door shut a little too hard behind him. The heavy thud pulled him from his thoughts momentarily and he paused, hoping he hadn’t woken the other two residents of the house. When he didn’t hear anything after a few seconds, Shane made his way swiftly through the house and the coop until he was outside yet again under the pergola. 

Removing his jacket with a huff, Shane grabbed the wrap that was lying on the wooden bench built into the boards that separated this area from the pasture. After getting his hands ready, he took a deep breath and channeled the anger and annoyance and desperation warring inside him into his fists.

***

Marnie hadn’t bothered to get up when she heard Shane come home, instead just keeping her nose in the book she had been steadily working through for the past few weeks. It wasn’t until she noticed the quiet combination of metal chains and dull thuds that she placed it back on her nightstand, wrapped her robe around her shoulders, and headed to the back of the house. There, she found just what she suspected. 

“Thought I heard the punching bag,” she said by way of greeting as she leaned against the doorway. Shane simply grunted in response, his focus on the heavy target in front of him. Marnie pursed her lips and moved a few steps closer. “Wanna talk about it?” She knew that Shane would only ever be out here at this time of night if something serious was wrong. 

It took a few seconds, but the man in front of her finally slowed to a stop. His chest rose and fell with heavy, labored breaths and when he finally looked up to meet her eyes, Marnie saw the pain in them. 

“I messed up, Aunt Marnie,” he told her hoarsely. “I messed up bad.” The older woman’s heart broke for her nephew and she motioned him to sit on the bench, perching beside and placing a reassuring hand on his knee. It must be pretty bad if he was addressing her by ‘Aunt’. 

“What happened?” she asked softly. Shane propped his elbows on his knees and leaned forward to run his fingers through his hair with a sigh. 

“I…I went to Y/N’s tonight,” he confessed. His words were strained as he spoke and Marnie could hear the regret in his voice. “I went just to talk but that’s not…exactly what happened…” He trailed off, cringing at the thought of giving any lewd details to his aunt. 

“So, you went to see Y/N,” she nudged gently. “I assume you broke things off with Penny?” Running his hands down his face until his fingers rested over his mouth, a way to sort of hide, Shane’s eyes scrunched shut and he shook his head almost imperceptibly. Marnie drew in a sharp breath. “Oh, honey…” she sighed. 

“I know it’s bad,” Shane said quickly. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen, I really didn’t.” He finally sat up and looked at his aunt, eyes burning with exhaustion, sweat, or unshed tears he didn’t know. 

“I’m sure you didn’t, Shane,” Marnie said, her voice gentle yet firm. She was of course disappointed in her nephew for his actions, but now wasn’t the time to tell him that. Besides, it seemed like he was already disappointed enough in himself for the both of them. “But it did. And now you need to do right by both of these women. Handle your business with Penny. Be honest. And then go and apologize to the farmer.” The young man nodded his head and then surprised her for the second time that night with a rare display of affection: he leaned his head against her shoulder. 

“I don’t know why she makes me so crazy,” he mumbled. “It’s like I…I can’t think straight around her.” Despite it all, Marnie smiled and patted her nephew’s knee where her hand still rested. 

“You and Y/N have always had some sort of special connection. I’ve seen it since the moment you met. I always thought you two would get together, just maybe not like this,” she joked. Shane snorted.   
“Me too.”

***

Shane hated this part, the waiting. A pit had been sitting in his gut since the night that everything happened with you, but now it was gnawing at him with fresh anxiety. As he sat in Marnie’s truck outside of the old trailer, his mind wandered. 

The blast of cold air when the passenger side door opened startled Shane back to the present. He looked over to see Penny climbing in with the same shy smile she always seemed to wear. The tip of her nose and the apples of her cheeks were red from the chilly wind blowing outside. The last few remnants of winter were holding on with a vengeance. 

“Hey,” he greeted, offering a smile that didn’t meet his eyes. 

“Hi,” Penny returned, tucking her hands into her lap to warm them up. There was an awkward pause, neither one of them knowing how to continue. 

“How are you?” Shane asked dumbly, mentally chastising himself as soon as the question left his mouth. 

“We don’t have to do this, Shane,” Penny said, shaking her head and giving a small sympathetic smile. “I know why we’re here. You want to break up.” The man blinked at her a few times before letting out a sigh.

“I- I don’t really know what to say other than I’m sorry.” Penny reached out and took his hand into her own and Shane stared down at them. 

“I think maybe we both knew this wasn’t going to last.” Shane sighed again, rubbing his thumb over her skin. 

“Can’t say we didn’t try, though, right?” His eyes finally met hers and this time he offered the sympathetic smile. 

“That’s true,” Penny agreed with a small sniffle. Shane’s guts twisted at the sound, hoping to Yoba that it was from the cold and not from the breakup. There was another pause before she pulled her hand back and reached for the handle on the truck. “Alright, well, that’s that I suppose.”

“I ‘spose it is,” Shane agreed quietly. “Hey, can I-,” he cleared his throat. “Can I ask you not to say anything to Jas? She really loves you and I just don’t want any of this to affect her to education.”

“Of course,” Penny hastily agreed. “I’ll leave that up to you, don’t worry.” Her tone was playful and Shane let out a small chuckle. 

“Great.” Shane expected her to get out of the truck now, but just as she opened the door a crack, she hesitated. 

“Can I ask _you_ something?” Penny said quietly, her eyes trained on the door handle. 

“Yeah.”

“Did this…did it have anything to do with the farmer?” Her voice was so meek that Shane almost didn’t hear her. The knot in his stomach twisted painfully again and he just stayed silent, eyes fixated on the steering wheel. Apparently his silence was answer enough. Penny nodded her head in understanding. 

“I figured as much. I always thought you two would get together, what with the way you look at each other and all.” More twisting. Shane’s head turned to look out the window. “I just need to know…did anything…happen between you two…while we were together?” Shane could literally feel the organs in his body _screaming_ at him to be honest and give her a damn answer, but he couldn’t find the words. 

Yet again, his silence was enough for Penny. With a curt nod and another sniffle, she finally climbed out of the truck and shut the door behind her. 

Shane’s head was still focused on the opposite of the direction was Penny was heading in, not able to look at her after all of that. Once he heard the faint thud of the trailer door closing, he finally put the truck in drive and headed back to the ranch. 

As if that wasn’t brutal enough, Shane thought about the reaction of the town. Word spread fast here and rumors had a tendency to flare up at the slightest bit of drama. This would sure feed that mill for awhile and he wouldn’t be the only one affected.


	20. The Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaaaay another update! I'm glad I got this punched out for you all, but I'm not sure when I'll be able to get the next one. I have finals coming up, which means lots of researching, writing, and studying for the next week. But I hope that you all enjoy this chapter, I had a lot of fun writing it! Be warned, it is unedited so I apologize for any mistakes. Please let me know what you think!!!

After Shane left that night, you broke down. You wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry, but as soon as that door was closed behind him, the flood gates had opened. You were just so angry. Not only that, but you were hurt. It felt like whatever respect the two of you had built up during your nearly year-long friendship was thrown out the window. Or worse, that it had been fake all along. 

You let yourself feel the pain, the frustration, the sadness. Every emotion that passed through, you let yourself feel it fresh and raw and surging. 

A few knick knacks around the house had gotten thrown and broken in your tirade. You’d smacked the door, beat the bed, and screamed until your throat couldn’t take it anymore. Ripping the charm from your neck, you’d thrown it across the house. The metal felt like it burned your skin now, the small chain constricting and claustrophobic. You weren’t sure when you’d fallen asleep that night, but you were so exhausted that you didn’t wake until nearly noon the next day. 

As always, life went on. Farm chores still needed doing. Planning still had to be done. Seeds had to be ordered. Equipment had to be prepped. So, you soldiered on with your old pal, alcohol, right by your side. It was nearly a week and a half later that you finally had to go into town. You’d been avoiding going in public for as long as you could, not wanting to deal with social graces and politeness. But your seeds were in at Pierre’s. Plus, you were out of milk. 

Parking the jeep behind the shop, you hopped out with a sigh and made your way around the building, hands shoved in your pockets. You saw Evelyn as you rounded the corner and she offered a small smile and wave from across the street as she checked her mail. You returned the gesture, silently assuring yourself that it wasn’t so bad to interact with people. 

It didn’t take long for you to be proven wrong. 

Walking through the door of Pierre’s, the small bell overhead dinged to signal your entry. You’d grown accustomed to this over your time in Pelican Town, but what you were not used to were all the stares it attracted this time around. 

Caroline and Abigail, who were stocking shelves, stopped with items in their hands raised halfway to their shelf spots, instead their attention focused on you. Jodi was in the fresh produce section pretending to pick out potatoes but you caught her sideways glare. Mayor Lewis’ eyes even scanned you anxiously. Caught off guard but doing your best to hide it, you simply ducked your head down and made a beeline for the counter. What the hell was everyone’s problem today? Did you look that rough? 

“Hey Pierre,” you greeted politely, finally lifting your head enough to make eye contact with him. The man was visibly uncomfortable, shifting his weight from foot to foot and doing his best avoid your eyes. He cleared his throat before he spoke. 

“Hello, Ms. Y/N.” His words were curt with an edge of anxiety. Usually he would make small talk, but apparently not today. You waited for him to say something about why you were there, but instead awkward silence hung in the air. 

“Uh, I’m here to pick up the seeds I ordered,” you said slowly, completely weirded out by how…well, weird everyone was being. “Oh, and I need to grab some milk.” The shopkeeper nodded and turned around to walk into the back. You made your way toward the coolers to get your milk, still feeling the weight of everyone’s gazes on your back. When Pierre rang you up, it was yet another short interaction and no polite goodbye like he always gave. Shaking your head in confusion, you high-tailed it out of the store. 

“What the hell was that in there,” you muttered to yourself, deciding it best to just get back to your vehicle and get home as soon as possible. A voice called out, though, catching your attention. 

“Homewrecker!” someone yelled. You immediately stopped and bristled, face draining of any color. Whipping around to locate the source, you frantically scanned the buildings around the square until your eyes landed on two figures snickering across the way. 

It was Hailey and Alex. 

“Excuse me?” you called back, going on the defensive. 

“You heard her, _homewrecker_ ,” Alex shouted back, earning a laugh and a smirk from the girl at his side. You floundered for a moment, not sure how to respond in the slightest. Part of you wanted to march right up to the smug assholes and demand an explanation. Or maybe just start throwing punches. But another part of you, a much larger part, just wanted to get the hell out of there. 

Shaking your head at them, you started for your car once again, resisting the urge to flip them off as you heard their laughter echoing after you. Hot tears started to burn in your eyes, but you quickly wiped them away. Hauling yourself into the jeep, you threw it in gear and peeled out of there as fast as you could, blinking back tears the whole way home. 

***

Shane was too busy with the chicken business. At least, that’s what he kept telling himself. It was his excuse to continue avoiding talking to you. He knew it was awful, but he just couldn’t find the words to say, or the courage to say them. 

So instead, he threw himself into the chickens. New birds were hatching all the time, the hens were laying eggs like crazy, and he was juggling new clients as spring really started to come in. He had several urban farmers coming in all the way from Zuzu City to look at his special blue hens and he had to be ready. Plus, they had added another restaurant in a neighboring small town that wanted fresh, local eggs and milk delivered. 

When he wasn’t doing that, he was spending as much time as he could with Jas. Shane couldn’t help but feel like he had slacked on his responsibilities to the little girl the last couple of months with everything happening with you and Penny. Plus, he was feeling guilty for dating her teacher and then dumping her. They took frequent walks through the woods and down to the river or the lake. Shane read stories to her every night before bed and he played dress-up with her on rainy days when they were stuck inside. At least in that part of his life, he was trying his best. 

Hair still dripping from the shower, Shane slid into the dining chair with a heavy sigh, ruffling Jas’ hair as he did so and earning a squeak of protest from her. 

“It smells great, Marnie,” he told his aunt, stomach rumbling appreciatively. She thanked him and the family dug in to their dinner. Jas talked about her day and everything she had learned in school, Shane reminded Marnie of the delivery he had to make the next day and the appointment with the new potential buyers coming up. Marnie avoided the one subject she desperately wanted to talk about with her nephew while Jas was still in the room. 

Once the meal was over, however, she was presented with her opportunity. She sent Jas off to get cleaned up and helped Shane clear the table and clean up the kitchen. Now that she had him cornered, Marnie pounced. 

“So,” she began, watching the way Shane immediately went on guard. “How’s Y/N?” Silence stretched between them, Shane continuing to dry the dishes and put them away as if she hadn’t said anything. 

“I wouldn’t know,” he finally admitted quietly. Marnie stopped washing and turned to face her nephew fully, hands going to her soft hips. 

“Shane McDaniels,” Marnie chided, “have you not spoken and apologized to her yet?!” Shane winced at the use of his first _and_ last name. That only happened when she was _really_ upset. 

“I’ve been busy with the business and with Jas that I just haven’t-“ he started, but she cut him off with a stern expression. 

“That is no excuse, don’t even try to pull that BS with me.” 

“Yes, ma’am,” Shane mumbled, looking at the floor. Yoba, he felt like a teenager getting grounded or something. 

“You get ahold of her and apologize ASAP, you hear me? I know you’re a grown man, Shane, but I swear to Yoba, I will drag you onto that farm by your ear if I have to.”

Without anything else to say, Shane simply nodded and they went back to the work at hand. Once the kitchen was cleaned up and Jas was tucked in, Shane fell into bed with a heavy sigh. Running a hand down his face, he wearily pulled out his phone and sent a text to the contact he had been avoiding. 

_S – Hey, can we talk?_

***

“Thank you so much for agreeing to meet me.” You sat down carefully on the bench, trying to focus on the sound of the fountain in front of you to calm your racing nerves. The morning was cool and crisp, the fresh dew on the grass glistening in the sun. “I brought you this, if you want it. It’s fresh.” With a small, hopeful smile, you offered the maple bar to the woman next to you. After a moment of hesitation, she took it into her dainty hand. 

“Thank you,” she said softly, taking a small bite into the pastry. “Did you make this?”

“Oh no, I’m not much of a baker,” you chuckled. “I did try, but I burnt the first batch and called it quits on the second. That one is from JojaMart.” 

An awkward pause stretched between the two of you, driving your nerves insane. Fidgeting your hands, you finally cleared your throat and started to speak. 

“Penny, I just wanted to first apologize for everything that happened,” you started, your gut flipping. “I can’t even tell you how sorry I am, for all of it. I…” You had to pause to take a deep breath. “I wish I could take it all back. But I can’t. And I want to take responsibility for my actions. I’m not exactly sure what Shane told you-“

“Nothing,” she said abruptly, startling you. It was the closest to angry you had ever heard Penny sound, but there was sadness in her voice as well. You realized she was holding back tears and your gut twisted again. “He didn’t tell me anything.” 

“Well, then you deserve an explanation. If you want it, that is.” Another pause, and then she was nodding, her wet eyes meeting yours and holding them. 

“I do.” You took in another deep breath, steeling yourself to relive that night over again. You told her all of it, from the very beginning. Shane coming to your house the night that Penny had asked him out and telling you about it, the jealousy and hurt you had felt during their relationship, him giving you the necklace on New Year’s Eve, and of course the night the incident happened. You told her how he hadn’t said anything when you opened the door, how you hadn’t questioned anything, how you felt seeing her name on the screen of his phone and realizing they weren’t broken up. She listened intently, taking in every word. 

“Penny, I…I know what it feels like to be cheated on,” you said, voice shaking. “That feeling of just…utter betrayal and disgust. I never in my wildest dreams thought after what I went through, that I would be the other person. And I can’t tell you how sorry I am.” Tears were welling in your eyes now and you did your best to blink them back. 

With a deep breath of her own, Penny reached out and took your hands in hers, catching you by surprise. Meeting your eyes, she offered a small smile. 

“I forgive you, Y/N,” she said in her soft, lilting voice. That was what pushed you over the edge, the tears streaking down your cheeks as you let out a shocked laugh. 

“What?”

“I forgive you,” she insisted, squeezing your hands. “You didn’t do anything knowingly. And you stopped as soon as you found out. How can I hold that against you?”

“You- you-“ Head shaking and more tears coming, you simply couldn’t believe the compassion and forgiveness of this woman. “I don’t even…know what to say…” Penny chuckled and shrugged. 

“I have an apology to make of my own,” she said, throwing you for a loop yet again. 

“What? You haven’t done anything-“

“I got into a relationship with a man that I knew was emotionally involved with someone else, whether he would admit it or not. The way you two look at each other…it was obvious, and I should have been more respectful of that. I’m sorry for what I put you through those months.” 

All words had simply left your brain. Flown right out of your ear and into space. Nothing was left in your head except wonder and amazement at this woman. _You_ had nearly slept with _her_ boyfriend and yet here she was telling you that _she_ was sorry?! 

Not knowing how to respond, you suddenly wrapped your arms around Penny in a tight embrace. She let out a surprise ‘oh!’, but hugged you back. 

“You are truly the most amazing person…” you mumbled into her bright red hair, squeezing her so tightly that it shook both of you when she laughed. Finally pulling away, you offered a watery smile. “I’m glad we did this.”

“I am, too,” she agreed. “Thank you for finally giving me closure.” You nodded and the two of you chatted for a few more moments before parting ways, Penny heading off to teach the children of Pelican Town and you trekking back to the farm to begin spring planting. 

***

A week later, Shane was heading up the path that led to your farm. He had taken the long way around, going through town to buy himself some time instead of just walking up the southern entrance nearest the ranch. His stomach was nauseous and turning and he couldn’t focus his mind. He tried telling himself that he just needed to be a man and get it over with already, but that didn’t actually make it any easier. 

It had taken several texts to finally get ahold of you. That was to be expected, he supposed. Finally, after three days, you had agreed to talk to him. Your busy, clashing schedules didn’t allow for it until several days later. So Shane had spent those long, dragging days in the interim barely sleeping or eating, his thoughts consumed by anxiety of the approaching conversation.

Now that it was here, he wished he had another week.

Finally reaching the farm, Shane took a deep breath and slugged up the porch steps. Knocking three times, he waited. No answer. He tried knocking again. Still no answer. Turning toward the fields with a sigh, he scanned the property for any sign of you. Nothing. 

“What the hell,” he muttered, pulling out his phone to make sure he had the right day and time. Preoccupied in his search, he didn’t hear you approach. 

“Hey,” you called, voice monotone and level. Still, it made Shane jump. ‘How does she always manage to sneak up on me like that?’ he thought to himself. You were coming in from the fields, a stirrup hoe slung over your shoulder and dirt splattered across your overalls and boots. Shane climbed down the steps to meet you halfway.

“Hey,” he said back, holding your gaze as best as he could. You finally broke, averting your eyes to look at something far off to your left. 

“So what do you want?” you deadpanned, making him bristle. He knew you were pissed and rightly so, but he hadn’t expected you to be this…well, blunt.

“C’mon, you know I wanna talk about what happened,” he tried to prompt, keeping his voice soft. 

“Then talk.” There was that bluntness again. Shane sighed, running a hand over the back of his neck and averting his eyes this time. 

“Can we sit somewhere?” he asked, hoping you would soften up at least a bit. You looked at him hard, studying his face, and then finally nodded. Leading him back to the house, you plopped in a chair on the porch and gestured for him to do the same. “I’m sorry,” he said plainly after getting settled. 

Awkward silence. 

“Is that it?” you said, voice harsh. “You’re sorry?” 

“Y/N, I-“ Shane paused to find the words and take a breath in. Every time he had rehearsed this conversation in his head had suddenly disappeared. “What I did was wrong. I know that. I never should have come over here that night. I didn’t mean to hurt you, or Penny, I swear. I didn’t even come over here with any intention of kissing you, let alone sleeping with you for Yoba’s sake. I just…needed to see you. And talk. But when you opened up that door, something in me just…snapped. It was like I couldn’t take it anymore.” 

Shane looked over at you to get a read on your reaction. Your face remained calm and you just looked out over the fields. So he kept going. 

“I did a really shitty thing, and I’m so incredibly sorry. I know that I can’t take it back, but I wish I could. I never thought that when I kissed you again, it would end like that-“

_“When?”_ you cut in, head snapping to look at him. Shane blinked a few times and then nodded. 

“Yeah. I haven’t stopped thinking about it since that night at the saloon. And I knew it would happen again, one day. I had hoped under better circumstances, but here we are.” He tried to joke a bit, but you only snorted humorlessly in response. Shane ran his hands down his face and sighed. “Look, I can’t make you forgive me. And I know that right now, you probably hate me. And you don’t want to be with me. But I wanna earn your trust back, as a friend. Please.”

“I got called a homewrecker.” Your words once again caught him off guard. 

“What?” he asked, not sure if he heard that correctly. You looked down and let out a sigh of your own. 

“I went into town a few weeks ago to pick up my seeds from Pierre. Everybody stared at me like I was some kind of freak or something. And then when I went to leave, I got called a homewrecker.” 

“Who was it?” Shane demanded, his blood immediately boiling. The thought of someone harassing you like that, especially when it wasn’t even your fault…

“It isn’t important,” you insisted, shaking your head, but he wasn’t having. 

“Who the hell was it, because I swear to Yoba I’ll-“

“It doesn’t matter, Shane!” you snapped at him. “The point is that this fucked up situation we have here is now bleeding over into other parts of my life and I can’t have that.” Shane was surprised at the intensity and emotion in your voice. His expression softened as he looked at you, noting how you bit the inside of your cheek to compose yourself before talking again. “I came to Stardew for a peaceful life. This farm…it’s all I have.” You voice was quiet, pleading even. “I can’t…I can’t lose this…” Tears were spilling over now and Shane’s heart broke all over again at knowing he did this to you. 

“Y/N, hey, it’s alright,” he tried to comfort, reaching out to put a hand on your arm. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry this happened. Just…let me fix it. Please.” You collected yourself before nodding in agreement. “I’ll fix it, I promise.” He held your eyes for a few more moments before you dropped yours back to your lap. 

“I don’t hate you, you know.” The words were mumbled and quiet, but Shane heard them nonetheless. 

“Well, hey, that’s a start,” he said, the air between you lightening just the slightest. You actually chuckled this time, a sound he was grateful to hear. 

“And I do want to build up our relationship again- our _friendship_ ,” you corrected. “But it’ll take time. I don’t trust easily, Shane, so earning it back…”

“I don’t expect it to be easy.”

“Good. Because it won’t be.” You offered a small smile. “But I think that’s a good starting point.”


	21. The Egg Festival

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my dears!  
> I hope you're all staying safe and healthy during this uncertain time ❤ It took me a long time to write this chapter because I wasn't exactly sure the direction I wanted it to go, but it eventually wrote itself :) I hope you all enjoy and please let me know what you think!
> 
> PS - it is unedited, so I apologize

Spring had finally sprung in the Valley and you were grateful for the time in the sun. You’d gotten your first round of crops in the ground and already small shoots were beginning to pop out of the soil. Of course, you were still selling your processed food products to Pierre’s to help tie you over until the most productive part of the season. You had also started on a new endeavor now that the season allowed for it, which was honey production. The old plans for bee houses had been buried in the storage barn along with several others and you were excited to try out this new piece of your operation. Plus, it gave you an excuse to plant fields of beautiful flowers throughout the year. 

Your next big adventure was starting today and you were beyond excited. Today was the day you finally got to pick up your first batch of chicks from Shane and Marnie! You had set up what was going to be their temporary home for a few weeks, large metal bins filled with shavings and equipped with heat lamps. The chicks would stay in these inside the coop until they were big enough to start wandering around and eventually be able to roam outside. You’d been planning this for so long that it almost felt surreal. 

_S – Chicks are ready to go whenever you are!_

_F – great! I’ll be by the ranch in about 20_

_S – sounds good_

Checking over everything one last time, you smiled down at your work with a definitive nod and left the coop to head for the Jeep. The whole drive, your fingers drummed on the wheel excitedly and you had to take a deep breath before getting out of the car when you arrived. 

“Hey,” Shane greeted from inside the fenced pasture as you headed for the door of the ranch house. “I’ll meet you inside.” You nodded and offered an excited grin, making Shane chuckle.

At first, things had been kind of weird between the two of you as you tried to navigate rebuilding your friendship. But, being forced to work together to get you prepped for the chickens helped ease each of you back into being normal around one another. Shane was texting a lot more often, too, and you frequently had silly, pointless late night conversations about crappy television that only played at strange hours when nobody was watching, the interesting habits of some of the townspeople, and overall just oddball topics. 

“Where are they, where are they?” you asked as you met Shane inside the house. You watched eagerly as he moved behind the counter, hearing the sound of tiny chirps somewhere nearby. Shane bent down to pick something up and place it on the counter between the two you. Two large white boxes that he gently patted the top of. 

“Here you go, all twenty-five birds, ready to go to their new home,” he said proudly, smiling from ear to ear. Your brows raised as you studied the boxes.

“Postal shipping boxes?” you asked skeptically. The man in front of you simply nodded and let out a chuckle.

“Chicks get sent through the mail all the time,” he explained. “You just happen to be picking them up in person, but this is standard packaging, I swear.”

“Weird,” you mumbled, shaking your head but picking up the boxes nonetheless. You were surprised at how light they were, but of course they were only filled with tiny baby birds. “Thank you so much, I can’t even tell you how excited I am for this.”

“Of course, we’re excited for you,” Shane agreed. “I’ll meet you at the coop.” With that, he grabbed a set of keys off the wall and began to move toward the back of the house. You blinked in surprise at him. 

“Oh uh- I didn’t know you were coming.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna help you get the birds settled in, make sure the lights are working and everything,” Shane replied casually, pulling a helmet out of a closet somewhere. Okay, now you were really confused. “I’ll follow you.”

“In what, a go-cart?” you snorted. 

“Marnie has the truck so I’m taking our other vehicle today. Just go on, I have to lock up after you,” he insisted with a roll of his eyes. You shook your head and muttered ‘okay’, heading out the door and placing the boxes of chicks carefully on the floor of the Jeep. As you pulled out of the ranch’s drive, there was so sign of Shane to be found so you just went on ahead. 

You heard him before you saw him. The loud, ripping engine revved behind your vehicle and your eyes went wide when you glanced in the rearview mirror. 

“What the hell,” you laughed out loud, spotting Shane’s form on a large, blue four-wheeler. He offered a wave and you just knew that the man was smirking underneath that helmet. True to his word and much to your amusement, he followed you all the way to the chicken coop, his recreational all-terrain-vehicle having a much easier time navigating than your Jeep. 

As soon as the car was off, you were jumping out and approaching the quad with interest and intrigue. Shane pulled his helmet off, running a hand through his wild hair as he dismounted the machine.   
“I had no idea you guys had one of these,” you said in amazement, admiring it. 

“Of course,” Shane chuckled, plopping the helmet on the seat. “They’re pretty standard on most farms and ranches.”

“Not mine,” you scoffed. 

“Well, that is an investment you should look into in the future. I can’t tell you how handy these are.” He watched, holding back laughter, as you circled the ATV and studied it. “Have you actually ever been on one of these?”

“No, but I’ve always wanted to ride one,” you admitted, a hint of a blush creeping up your neck. Maybe you could just blame it on the warm day. 

“Well, maybe we can talk about arranging that after we get these chicks settled in,” Shane told you, going around the side of your car to pull them out. 

With a nod, you followed him to the coop. Shane helped you divide up and place the chicks in their new homes after checking that the heat lamps were warm enough. You cooed over how cute and fuzzy they were, wanting to snuggle each and every one. Shane showed you how to dip each one’s beak in the water so they learned where it was, instructed you on cleaning out their bins, and asked any remaining questions you had. 

“Okay, I think you’re good to go,” he finally declared. “Welcome to the life of being a chicken owner. Congratulations.” 

“Thanks,” you laughed. “I can’t even believe this is happening. I’ve planned for this for so long and now that it’s real…I dunno, it’s just really cool to see one of your long-term goals come to fruition, ya know?”

“I do,” Shane replied with a nod. “I’m happy for you, Y/N. Let us know if you need any help.” The two of you finally left the coop after you were done cooing over the babies, moseying back to the vehicles. “So, you want a ride?”

“What?” you asked incredulously. “On that?”

“Yeah,” Shane shrugged. 

“But- but the Jeep. I can’t just leave it here,” you stammered, nerves suddenly twisting in your gut. 

“I can just take you out for a few minutes, maybe lap around the farm, and bring you back to your car.”

“Oh gosh, I dunno...” you thought for several seconds, glancing between it and the car. “Alright, fine, let’s go!”

“Great! Here, you wear this.” Shane gave you the helmet and you pulled it down over your head. 

“What about you?”

“It’s just a short ride, don’t worry about it. We won’t even go that fast.” He threw you a wink and got on, starting up the quad. You approached hesitantly and listened to his instructions not to burn your jeans on the hot pipes. Climbing on, you swung your leg over and settled into the seat, scooting closer to Shane. “Make sure you hold on,” he called over his shoulder, revving up the engine a few times and easing it forward. 

Your body lurched and your hands frantically flew to Shane’s sides, arms wrapping tightly around his torso as you pressed against his back. You could have sworn that you felt him laughing, but your heart was beating too fast for you to care. He asked if you were ready and you gave a thumbs up in front of his face. With that, he took off and you held on for dear life.

***

Despite the progression of the season and the beautiful weather in the Valley, you mostly stayed on the farm. Ever since the incident in Pierre’s when you went to pick up seeds, you were afraid of how people would treat you. The small town atmosphere you had loved about Pelican Town now made it a hell-hole. 

That’s why you were surprised one day to open your mailbox and find a flyer detailing another town event, the Egg Festival. You figured the flyer was probably from Lewis, but it wasn’t accompanied by his usual letter. The paper outlined the details of the event, including what time it would start and that there was an egg hunt for the kids. Since you hadn’t yet moved out here by this time last year, it was the first you were hearing of the Egg Festival. Just like all of the town’s other events, you were sure it would be fun and exciting, but you also weren’t sure if you were _really_ welcome.

Marnie listened intently as you explained all of this to her over her sales counter at the ranch. Ringing you up for your chicken feed, she shook her head. 

“Honey, don’t let that stop you from going,” she insisted. “It’s been weeks, I’m sure nobody even remembers any of that anymore.”

“Isn’t there some saying about how small towns never forget or something?” you asked jokingly to try and prove your points. The woman chuckled as she handed you back your credit card. 

“What are the kids saying these days? Haters gonna hate?” You couldn’t help but let out a loud laugh at hearing those words come out of her mouth. “The point is,” she continued over your laughter with a chuckle of her own, “you can’t control what other people think. If they’re determined to believe silly rumors, well, that’s their problem. You are a part of this community, an important part, and you deserve to enjoy this just as much as everyone else.” You thought on her words for a few seconds and then finally nodded. 

“You’re right,” you sighed, throwing the feed bags over one shoulder. “I suppose I’ll go. Gosh, I haven’t been in town for so long. I guess I won’t know what’ll happen until I try.”

“That’s the spirit! Now, let me get the door for you, dear,” Marnie said, rushing around the counter to open it up for you. 

Driving back to the farm, you thought about what Marnie had said. She did have a point, it had been awhile since everything happened and it was likely that most people would have either forgotten by now or would just keep their thoughts to themselves. That was the thought that you kept in the back of your head all week to motivate you to go. 

When the day of the Egg Festival finally rolled around, you had to admit that you were nervous. You’d made sure to take care of the necessary farm chores early in the morning, like checking on the chicks, and to save the rest for tomorrow. It was the first time in weeks that you had dressed in something that wasn’t dirty work clothes or pajamas, and you even did your hair a bit to make yourself more presentable. 

On the walk toward town, your gut twisted nervously. You could hear the chatter and some faint music the closer you got. You thought one final time about just turning around and going home, not bothering with the festival. There was a half-bottle of vodka waiting in the freezer that you could spend the rest of your day with. 

As tempting as that was, you pushed yourself forward and finally walked into the town. The festival was decorated with beautiful bright, pastel spring colors. Ribbons and bows were everywhere you looked. Kids ran around laughing and playing and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. It was a beautiful day in the Valley for an event like this. The sun was shining overhead and large, puffy white clouds floated through the sky. It was like a picture perfect scene. 

Taking a deep breath, you plastered a polite smile on your face and headed for a familiar, always kind face. Leah greeted you happily, arms wrapping around you in a sweet hug. She asked about the farm and how you had been, talked about her adventures foraging in the woods and her art. She told you about a new sculpture she had been working on and invited you over to see it, to which you happily said you would love to. 

Emily joined the two of you and were actually beginning to let yourself relax, the nerves and anxieties from earlier melting away as you spoke to your friends. Emily asked much of the same questions as Leah had and commented that she missed seeing you around the saloon lately. The three of you chatted and laughed until Lewis made an announcement that the egg hunt would be starting soon. 

The townspeople gathered around the square, kids beginning to line up with their baskets preparing to run off and find the eggs hidden all over town. You smiled, thinking of the excitement that you felt as a child doing activities like this. As Lewis started his spiel, you saw someone come to stand next to you out of the corner of your eye. 

“Hey,” Shane greeted, a small grin curving up his lips. “Glad you came.”

“Me too,” you replied, offering a smile back. His eyes turned to Jas as she anxiously waited for the egg hunt to start, bouncing on her tiny toes. “Great day for it, the weather is beautiful.” Shane nodded in agreement and you changed the subject to his goddaughter. “So, is she ready?”

“Oh, yeah,” he said with a confident nod. “Jas has a plan. We’ve been practicing timed egg hunts on the ranch for the last week.” You chuckled at that, a picture of Shane timing the little girl and egging her on as she darted around searching playing through your mind. “She’s never gotten first place before, but she said she’s determined to this year.”

“Well, all the luck to her then.” As you and Shane chatted, you began to feel heavy eyes on you. Scanning around, you noticed several townspeople looking your direction and whispering to each other, smirks and scandalous looks on their faces. Your cheeks began to heat up and the rock in your stomach was back. 

You were glad for the distraction of a loud horn going off, parents beginning to cheer and their kids ran to look for eggs. Shane clapped for Jas, calling encouragements her way. You tried your best to focus on the little girl as she ran from hiding spot to hiding spot, flashes of color flying into her basket as she found egg after egg. You couldn’t help but feel paranoid now, as if everything people said to each other was about you. You started to feel closed in and claustrophobic, like you needed to get the hell out of there as fast as possible before-

The beginnings of a panic attack were gnawing at your insides, your throat tightening as breathing became more difficult. Burning behind your eyes told you that tears were on their way and you refused to cry in the middle of this damn town square and give everybody the satisfaction of knowing that they had broken you. You quickly excused yourself to Shane and walked quickly toward the road that led to the farm, head looking nowhere but down and hands jammed into your pockets. 

Voices were calling behind you, mocking and nasty, probably tossing insults and names your way-

A gentle hand on your arm stopped you, pulling you from your near trance-like state. With wide eyes, you spun around, looking frantically for what you were sure would be an angry mob following with torches and pitchforks. But you only saw the townspeople in the distance cheering for their kids as they still ran around trying to find eggs. And then Penny. 

It had just been her voice you heard, softly calling your name and asking what was wrong. As you looked into her concerned, sweet face, everything came crashing down. 

“Y/N, what’s wrong? Why are you leaving?” she asked, her hand still resting on your arm. Tears were beginning to fall down your cheeks and a lump in your throat made it hard to breathe, let alone talk. 

“They…they all hate me, Penny,” you gasped out, meeting her eyes with your desperate ones. “I- I don’t know- know what to do. Everyone hates me in this damn town, but it’s all I have. I don’t have anywhere else to go.” 

“Oh, Y/N, I’m sure that’s not-“

“It is, I swear,” you cried. “They’re whispering and watching and won’t talk to me and- and I got called a fucking homewrecker. I just…I can’t take it.” You shook your head and let out of sob, gently pulling your arm from Penny’s touch. “I’m so sorry.” With nothing else to say, you turned and quickly made your way back toward the farm, back to the vodka waiting for you, leaving Penny staring after you speechless.


	22. The Anniversary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay another chapter!!! I really loved writing this one and I'm SO EXCITED for all the things I have planned for the story! I hope you guys like this one, as always please let me know what you think :)

Persistent, shrill beeping woke you the next morning. You groaned as your head pounded in time with the alarm on the nightstand. As much as you wanted to stay in bed and sleep the day away, you knew that you didn’t have that option. All the farm chores you had put off to be able to go to the festival yesterday now needed done. 

‘It was so not worth it,’ you thought to yourself. ‘Should’ve stayed home and worked.’

Hauling yourself out of bed, you stood and stretched on shaky legs. Clinking on the floor next to your bare feet made you jump, and you looked down to see that the vodka bottle you had killed after getting home had fallen out of your sheets. You picked the bottle up and examined it closely, your sluggish mind trying to recall exactly how much had been in it the night before. 

With a sigh, you headed for the bathroom for a cold shower. After getting cleaned up, you sat at your kitchen table drinking your second cup of a coffee, another anti-hangover measure you thought it best to utilize before trying to do any farm work. Staring at the wooden tabletop, you couldn’t help but replay the events of yesterday. The stares, the whispers, the looks, your panic attack…Yoba, you wished that you could just block it all from your mind.

A series of soft knocks shook you from your thoughts and you looked over at the door quizzically, wondering who would be here so early. Standing from the table with another sigh, you made your way to the door and opened it to find Penny standing on your front porch with her typical kind-but-slightly-nervous expression. 

“Good morning,” she said politely, offering a small smile. 

“Morning,” you replied, inviting her inside. The woman thanked you and you led her to the kitchen table. “Would you like a cup of coffee?”

“Oh, no thank you, I’ve already had my morning tea.” With a shrug, you refilled your own mug and sat across from her. “I came to talk about what happened yesterday. At the Egg Festival.”

“I’m sorry I was such a mess,” you sighed, looking down into your drink. “I was probably just being paranoid or something. I shouldn’t have let myself get so worked up.”

“Y/N, you had every right to be upset,” Penny told you gently, reaching to place her hand on top of yours. You looked up at her with a mix of confusion and desperation. “I saw what you saw, people whispering and throwing looks toward you and Shane. I even overheard a few people talking about you leaving. That’s when I knew something had to be said.”

“What do you mean?” Your heart was racing listening to Penny as she spoke. 

“I talked to the people in town and I set the record straight. I told them that nothing happened between you and Shane while he and I were together and that our breakup had nothing to do with you.”

“But Penny, that’s not true-“ you started, but she held up a hand to stop you. 

“It’s true enough. They don’t need the details,” she said sternly. You could feel tears burning behind your eyes again, but this time they were tears of hope and gratitude. “I’ve let them all know that if they continue to act rude toward you or that if I hear or see anything of the sort, they’ll have me to deal with. I know that doesn’t seem like much of a threat,” she continued with a chuckle, “but the thought of the quiet, goody-two-shoes woman in town getting angry enough to call them out is quite intimidating.”

“Penny…I don’t even know what to say…” Not only because the lump in your throat was making it difficult to form words, but also because this was such an amazing thing she had done for you. 

“You don’t need to say anything,” she replied with a smile. “It needed to be done. That kind of behavior has no place in our community. I’m just sorry it took me so long to realize what was happening and how it was affecting you. I’m so sorry you had to endure this for so long, Y/N.”

Not knowing what else to say and with tears falling down your cheeks now, you rose from your seat and wrapped the woman in a tight hug. She hugged you back and let you cry on her shoulder for a few minutes before pulling away gently and standing up herself. 

“I hope that things can go back to normal for you now. For all of us,” she said, and you nodded in agreement. “How about, just to prove my point to the town, you and I go to the saloon together this weekend and get dinner? That way everybody can see that I was serious and that if I don’t have an issue with you, they surely shouldn’t.”

“I’d like that,” you agreed. With that, Penny made her way toward the door and bid you goodbye. You gave her another hug before she left, feeling a heavy weight lifted off of your shoulders. 

***

The following Saturday, you met up with Penny at the benches in front of the saloon to get dinner together. Entering the establishment arm in arm, Penny proudly led you to a table in the middle of the bar, smiling the whole time. Emily was elated to see the two of you together out and about and happily took your orders. Your eyes flitted around nervously as you felt the other patrons’ gazes on the two of you, but Penny gently reminded you only to pay attention to her and not worry about the others. She would handle anything that came up. 

Nursing a beer and waiting for your food, the two of you chatted and laughed, and your nerves soon began to melt away. Leah greeted you cheerily and stood around to talk for a few minutes, Marnie smiled and waved, and even Shane shot a wink and a grin your way from across the room. You were beginning to believe that life would turn back to normal sooner rather than later, and for that you were eternally grateful to the woman sitting across from you. 

When the two of you got up to head home, you walked out together and waved goodbye to other bar-goers. Walking with Penny back to her home, you thanked her again for everything she had done to remedy the situation with the town and fix your reputation. 

“I honestly can’t tell you how much it means to me, Penny,” you said, hoping that she understood how grateful you were. “I feel like I have my life back for the first time in over a month.”

“You deserve it,” she replied with a shrug. “This is your home, you should be comfortable here.” 

“So, what, are _you two_ dating now?” a voice called out from the dark with a snicker. “I guess the farmer just wanted both halves of the relationship.” The two of you looked over to see none other than Alex leaning against the fence that housed his dog, Dusty, and smirking. 

“We’re _friends_ , Alex, not that it’s any of your business,” you called back, glaring at him. “Why the hell do you care so much anyway?” The man shrugged and took a few steps closer. 

“Just entertained by your constant desire for what you can’t have,” he replied, smiling sickly at the two of you. “I’ll have to keep Hailey away from you-“

“Why are you being so obnoxious, Alex?” Penny cut in, her voice harsher than you’d ever heard it. He looked taken aback by her strong tone. Eyes wide, he couldn’t get a word in before she was off. “So bored with your dissatisfying life that you have to meddle in other people’s?”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he spat, eyes narrowing as his face turned red. You could tell he was getting pissed. Now you understood that Penny’s threat to those who wouldn’t drop the issue was real. 

“You’re right, it isn’t like the whole town knows that your dream was to be a big star gridball player, but every team in the Ferngill Republic turned you down after you barely graduated high school,” she sang, her eyes burning at the young man. “Now you’re stuck here in little ole Pelican Town with nothing to do but sell ice cream, trot behind your girlfriend, and talk about how you’ll make it big one day.”

“Holy shit,” you muttered under your breath, never having seen Penny lash out like this. It was kind of freaking awesome, if you were honest. Without a clever retort, Alex simply stalked off back toward his home and slammed the door shut behind him. Penny turned to you with wide eyes and you couldn’t help but let out a laugh. “That was _amazing!_ ”

“I was a little harsh, but he deserved it for everything he’s said to you,” she said, her voice shaking just the slightest bit, but back to its normal soft tone. You raved about her defense of you for another few minutes outside her home and thanked her again for everything before saying goodnight and parting ways. For the first time in a long time, you headed back to the farm with a smile on your face. 

***

The effects of your night out with Penny were practically immediate. People were sending you letters like normal again, waving and talking to you in town, happily buying your products. Many of them apologized for their behavior, which you appreciated. It was almost as if nothing had ever happened. 

You could even be seen with Shane in public now without hoards of judgmental stares. He was still working to earn back your trust, and you were still being cautious. He’d sit with you at the bar in the saloon, catch up with you to say hi walking through town, and was texting regularly for updates on the chicks. Once again, he was a normal part of your life and you were grateful for that. 

The season was in full swing and some of your early crops were beginning to come in. Your days stretched until the sun started to set, and sometimes even into the night. You were exhausted, to say the least, but always grateful to return home to a late dinner, glass of vodka, and a warm shower to wash off the stress and dirt of the day. Tonight, however, a wrench was thrown into those plans. 

You were trudging up to the farmhouse with barely any light left ready to collapse on your couch when you noticed flickering light coming from your backyard. Curious, you slowly headed around the side of the house to see what was going on when someone stepped out of the shadows and nearly made you scream. 

“Hey- oh, shit, sorry,” Shane said, eyes wide at seeing you practically jump out of your boots. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Then why the hell are you sneaking around my backyard in the dark?!” you retorted, putting a hand on your chest to try and quell the rapid beating of your heart. 

“I uh, I’ve been here for awhile actually,” he confessed, running a hand over the back of his neck. “I waited on the porch for a bit, but you must have been busy today so I…well, I don’t want to tell you, just follow me.” You looked at him suspiciously, wondering what in the world he could be up to, but nodded anyway. Trailing behind Shane, he led you to your backyard and turned to give you one of the biggest grins you’d ever seen. 

“What is all this?” you asked breathlessly, looking around in amazement. There was a fire going in your pit, a case of beer sitting next to one of the chairs along with an envelope bearing your name on top. You looked over to the back of the house to see the light from the fire glinted off of a silver balloon banner that spelled out ‘Happy Anniversary’. 

“A year ago today, you moved to Pelican Town to become a farmer,” Shane said simply. “You’ve worked your ass off and I thought you deserved something special to commemorate that.”

“Shane…” You didn’t have any words. A few stray tears rolled down your cheeks as you tried to take it all in. 

“I originally thought about throwing you a big surprise party, but I know how tired you’ve been working so much, so I thought something like this might be better- oof-“ he was cut off abruptly by your body slamming into his in a tight hug. Your arm wrapped around his neck and your face was smushed into his shoulder, but you hugged tighter anyway. Shane’s arms wrapped loosely around your torso in return, his deep chuckle reverberating through you. 

“So you like it then?” he asked jokingly. 

“It’s perfect,” you mumbled, pulling back the slightest bit so you could look up at him. “Nobody has ever done anything like this for me before. Thank you.” The man smiled down at you, a blush coloring his cheeks. Before you could overthink it, you were rising up on your tiptoes and placing a soft, sweet kiss to his lips. Startled, it took Shane a moment to realize what was happening, and by the time he did, it was over. “That was a one-time thing,” you whispered, your own cheeks burning as you held his gaze. “Still just friends.”

“Still just friends,” he repeated affirmatively, smiling down at you. “Well, friend, I have one more surprise for you.” Shane pulled out of your embrace and headed around the fire pit. 

“How could there possibly be more?”

“I brought the stuff for s’mores,” he declared, holding up a bag on marshmallows and making you laugh.

“I love s’mores! Especially for dinner,” you said excitedly, earning another deep chuckle. Settling down in one of the chairs, Shane handed you a roasting stick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I made Alex such a dick, I just really need an antagonist for this whole situation and I thought he would be the most likely character in town to act that way toward the farmer ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	23. The Flower Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yayyyy I love this chapter!!! I'm so excited to get this posted for you guys and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it :)
> 
> PS - totally unedited, I was too excited to get it posted to wait 😭

_S – Your feed order is ready for pickup this afternoon_

_F – Perfect thanks! I’ll be over at 4 to get it_

“Okay, she’s going to be here in about an hour,” Shane told his goddaughter as she bounced excitedly next to him. “Think that’s enough time to get everything ready?”

“Yeah!” she squealed. “I’ll go get the flowers!” With that, Jas ran off and left Shane chuckling in the kitchen. A few butterflies flitted in his stomach, but he did his best to brush them off and focus on making it to 4 pm. 

***

At ten till, you hopped in the Jeep with a grunt and headed off for the ranch. It was a hot one today and you were covered in sweat and dirt, thankful for the wind blowing in the open window. You pulled into the ranch’s drive like the thousand other times and hopped out of the car, making your way toward the door. This time, though, the walkway had flower petals lining the way. 

‘Weird,’ you though to yourself, pausing to pick a petal off of your boot. Shaking your head, you continued on toward the door, but before you could even knock, it was swinging open to reveal little Jas smiling from ear to ear. 

“Hello, Ms. Y/N!” she said excitedly, making you chuckle. 

“Hi there, Jas,” you greeted back. “What are all these flower petals out here for? I didn’t stomp all over a wedding for your dolls or something, did I?” The thought of ruining something she had set up to play made your gut drop. 

“No, they’re for you, silly,” the little girl giggled, practically bouncing on her toes. 

“For me?” She nodded definitively and then reached somewhere behind the door. 

“So is this.” Jas handed you a flower, stem and all this time, and you took it happily. 

“Oh, wow, this is beautiful! Thank you, Jas,” you told her, sniffing the petals gently. 

“And so…” The little girl ran off into the house and you raised a brow, wondering if you should follow. Peaking your head inside, you saw her by the selling counter motioning you to follow. “…is this one.” She handed you another flower and then ran off again. In the kitchen, you got another, the hallway produced one more, and the door that led to the coop out back held yet another. 

Now you were catching on that this was planned and leading up to something. A small smile sat on your lips and you gathered each of the flowers from Jas and followed her wherever she took you. Finally, the two of you emerged in the backyard where your feed bags were leaning against the fence waiting for you. And next to them was Shane holding a full bouquet of the flowers you had been collecting.  
Music was wafting through the air and you couldn’t help but smile and laugh when you took it all in. 

“What is all this?” you asked the pair, looking between the two of them. 

“The flower dance is coming up,” Shane started, looking down to the little girl for her to continue. 

“And you didn’t get to go last year,” she continued. Shane stepped forward and handed you the bouquet with a grin. 

“So, we were wondering…”

“If you’d go to the dance with Uncle Shane?!” Jas finished, bouncing and clapping excitedly, her wide eyes watching you with interest. 

“So that’s what this is all about,” you said, putting it all together. Looking from Jas and then up at Shane, you finally nodded. “I’d love to go with you.” 

***

_S – The offer to let me pick you up still stands_

_F – And my answer to the offer is still no but thanks!_

_I’ll see you in a few minutes, I’m leaving now_

_S – so stubborn_

_F - ;)_

You smiled at your victory and headed through the fields south toward the ranch. You made it clear that you were going to the Flower Dance with Shane as friends and that this did not constitute an official date. Picking you up would have made the occasion more date-esque, so you had insisted that you simply meet him, Jas, and Marnie on the way. Besides, it was the perfect day for an afternoon stroll. 

It didn’t take too long before you were spotting the group at the southern gate. Jas waved excitedly and ran halfway to meet you, her small arms wrapping around your thighs. 

“You wore the dress I got you!” she squealed. 

“Well, of course I did! It’s the cutest item in my closet. You have great taste,” you told her, throwing the little girl a wink and receiving a giggle in return. Sliding her hand into your larger one, a gesture that caught you by surprise but nonetheless made you grin, the two of you headed for the others. 

“Y/N, you look beautiful,” Marnie complimented, her eyes squinting with the force of her smile. You blushed and thanked her, returning the compliment. You felt Shane’s gaze on you before turning to look at him. You were shocked by what you found. The man was wearing a light blue button down shirt with nicely ironed tan dress pants, his face shaved and dark hair done nicely. 

‘Damn,’ you thought to yourself, practically drooling at the way his arms appeared to bulge out of the rolled up sleeves of his shirt. Shaking yourself back to the present, you met his smiling face. 

“I’ve never seen you in a dress before,” he noted. “You look beautiful. I mean- not that you don’t look beautiful when you wear other clothes, just-“ he started to panic, eyes going wide, and you cut him off with a raised hand

“Yeah, yeah, Romeo,” you laughed. “Let’s go, we don’t want to be late.” Shane’s cheeks burned bright red and you noticed Marnie and Jas chuckling to themselves up ahead of the two you as your group headed for the forest. “Thank you, though,” you said softly to Shane, quiet enough that the others wouldn’t hear. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

“I can clean up nicely if I want to,” he joked. You raised a brow at him until he cracked. “Alright, Marnie picked it out, but I shaved!” 

“I see you stuck with the boots, though,” you pointed out with a smirk. 

“Ah, but so did you,” Shane countered, glancing down at your own cowboy boots. 

“Touché.” 

After a few minutes of walking, your group arrived at a clearing west of Cindersnap that you hadn’t been aware existed until now. Chatter and light music rang through the air, and the smell of food and punch accompanied it. You weren’t sure what exactly to expect, but you supposed that the name of the event about covered it. The clearing was decorated with flowers everywhere. Flowers you had never seen before, baskets of classics like tulips and lilies, and bouquets filled with colorful assortments.

The sight of it took your breath away. 

“Wow,” you breathed, gently fingering a rose petal in one of the wooden barrels next to you. “This is _gorgeous_. I can’t believe I missed this last year.”

“Well, you get to see it now,” Shane said with a smile, following as you excitedly moved from barrel to barrel, trying to sniff each one while avoiding being stung. 

“Where do all these flowers come from?” you asked. 

“Honestly, you’d have to ask Lewis,” Shane admitted. “I know a lot come from neighboring towns in the Valley, but Caroline and Evelyn grow some, too.” After letting you look for awhile longer without interruption, Shane asked if you wanted a drink, to which you nodded and followed him over to the refreshment table. Getting yourself a plate as well, you stacked it with all kinds of snacks and goodies, a bit of everything it had to offer, and found a place to sit. Shane made Jas a plate as well and called her over to eat before the dancing starting, much to the little girl’s frustration. 

“Y/N, good to see you here enjoying the town’s festivities!” Lewis greeted, thumbs pulling at his suspenders in that happy gesture he always seemed to make. 

“Lewis, just the man I wanted to talk to!” you replied, practically jumping up from the table. “I’m curious about where all these flowers came from? They’re amazing!” You walked off with the mayor, listening intently to his answer. Shane watched from the table with a grin as he picked at the food left on his plate. 

He watched as you mingled after talking to the mayor. You spoke with Evelyn and even grumpy old George, politely brushing off his grouchiness. Jodi waved you over to where she and Caroline chatted and you made small talk with them for a few minutes. As you headed back toward the food and punch, Abigail waved and Gus pulled you into a conversation, probably about the food. Shane marveled at how well you handled all the attention, especially since things had only recently started to go back to normal with the townspeople. 

He also watched the way the dress flowed around your figure as you walked, the way the top exposed your shoulders to the sun. He watched your face beam with happiness as you laughed and talked. Shane’s eyes traced the intricately stitched boots from their rounded-off toe up to where they ended at your calves. He followed your legs to the hem of the dress and very briefly wondered what kind of underwear you had on beneath, if any at all…

‘Yoba, don’t be a creep,’ he scolded himself, shaking his head of that thought. The two of you still hadn’t had a conversation about moving from friends to something more, but his feelings for you, his attraction to you…he couldn’t simply shut them off. He could, however, make himself stop thinking about the topic of your under garments and focus on something that did _not_ make him a perv. Like your eyes. And how there was a hint of… _something_ …that did not quite match the happiness showing on your face. 

“Lewis said the dance is about to start,” you told Shane as you walked up to the table. “Wanna watch with me?”

“You don’t want to dance?”

“Yoba no!” you laughed, shaking your head. “For one thing, I don’t know it. For another, I’m a terrible dancer.” Shane chuckled and stood, taking his now empty plate to a nearby garbage can and finding a good viewing spot, one where you had a good view of Jas so Marnie could take pictures. 

As the music started and the dancers came out to take their places, you gasped quietly at how beautiful they all looked in their dresses and suits. Each pair moved together gracefully, their steps complimenting the music and vice versa. You lost yourself in it, watching with great interest at how their bodies just seemed to know where to go next. When the music ended and the dancers all bowed, you clapped loudly along with the rest of the crowd.

***

After dropping Jas off at the ranch with Marnie, Shane walked with you back to the farm. The sun was just starting to set and he insisted that you not walk back alone so close to darkness. And it was just too pleasant of an evening to drive. So, the two of you ambled up the dirt pathway, making small talk all the while. 

Time always seemed to pass too quickly when you were with Shane and before you knew it, you were standing in front of your porch. 

“Thank you for escorting me today,” you said playfully, giving him a small curtsy. Shane returned the gesture with a bow. 

“My pleasure, madam.” The two of you laughed and you reached out to squeeze his arm. 

“But really, I had a lot of fun.” The man smiled and one of the long pauses that was so typical between the two of you ensued. “Well, I should get in and head to bed.” You started up the steps when Shane’s hand grabbed yours gently. 

“Y/N, wait,” he said, voice soft with an edge of caution. You turned to meet his eyes with curiosity. 

“What’s up?”

“I just…I was wondering- where are you with the idea of _us_?” You took a sharp breath in, holding Shane’s gaze as the gears turned in your head, stomach flipping over on itself. 

“Where are _you _?” you asked, catching him off guard. Shane shoved his hands into his pockets and rocked on his toes as he collected his thoughts into a coherent sentence before speaking this time.__

__“I still have…strong feelings for you,” he began. “I wanna take you on dates and surprise you with gifts and try to cook for you- the important word there being try.” You laughed and he smiled, feeling the awkwardness in the air lift a bit. “But the point is, I wanna be with you. But only if you’re ready. And if that’s still what you want.” Shane’s heart pounded in his chest as he watched you digest his words, hoping to Yoba that this- that _he_ \- was still what you wanted. _ _

__“I’d like that,” you finally answered, a grin turning up the corner of your lips. “A lot.” Relief and happiness and excitement all flooded through Shane at the same time and he did his best not to physically jump for joy, instead opting for a full, toothy smile. “But…I want to take it slow. Do things the right way.”_ _

__“Whatever pace you want,” he agreed._ _

__“I mean like, glacial pace,” you said, making him chuckle._ _

__“That’s perfectly fine with me.” The two of you stood smiling at each other until your cheeks turned pink and you had to look at the ground._ _

__“So, are we like, _dating_ now?” you asked playfully, nose scrunching up at the word as you played up your voice like a middle school girl. _ _

__“Well, don’t I technically have to ask you out on a date first for us to be dating?” Shane replied, earning a brow raise._ _

__“I guess you better get on it then,” you laughed._ _

__“Y/N, would you like to get dinner with me next Friday?”_ _

__“It’s a date.”_ _


	24. First Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this chapter is shorter, but I REALLY like it and I wanted to go ahead and post it for you guys :)
> 
> I do have an important note for the story going forward! I've recently been playing a new save of the game using the mod Stardew Valley Expanded (if you aren't sure what this is, PLEASE look it up, it is amazing!) and I have totally fallen in love with it! The mod adds new characters, new quests, and new places on the map to explore. So, while I will not be adding any of the new characters from SVE because I feel it is too late into the story for that, I may potentially use a few of the new places that the mod has created for settings in the story! So, if there is a place you haven't heard of before being in the game, that I'm referencing or using in the story, it will likely be from SVE! I hope that helps avoid any future confusion!!!!
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoy the chapter and please let me know what you think :)

As 6:30 loomed ever closer, you stared at your closet helplessly. With a frustrated sigh, you plopped on the edge of the bed and pulled out your phone. 

_F – What should I wear for tonight??_

_S – Whatever you’re comfortable in_

_F – That’s incredibly NOT helpful  
C’mon I need to know what kind of place where we’re going to_

_S – would it help if I told you what I was wearing tonight?_

_F – immensely_

_S – nice button down shirt, jeans, nice boots  
Better?_

_F – YES! Was that so hard???_

_S - :p_

With a clearer idea of how nicely you needed to look for tonight, you entered your closet with more confidence this time. You pulled out a cute little sundress that was just nice enough to fit in at a classy restaurant, but still had a casual air about it. Now that your wardrobe was determined, you could move on to your hair and some light makeup. 

***

“This place looks great,” you said as you hopped out of the truck, Shane holding the door open for you. It was a small restaurant that sat right on the dock of Grampleton’s marina surrounded by boats waiting to be taken out onto the Gem Sea. You could smell the salty water on the breeze, admiring the way the light from the lampposts that lined your walk glistened off the water’s surface. 

You sipped your white wine as the two of you waited for your food to be delivered to the table, watching as Shane fidgeted nervously a bit with his hands. If you were honest with yourself, you were a little nervous for tonight, too. There had always been a pull between the two of you, but you were afraid that once you tried to actually explore it, that spark would fizzle faster than a firework dud. 

“Just water tonight?” you asked in an attempt to make conversation. Shane gave a lopsided grin and looked down at his glance for a moment. 

“Just water.” 

“Can I ask you a question?” 

“Shoot,” he replied with an interested grin. 

“It might be a little…personal,” you cautioned, but he waved you off and prompted you to ask. “You’re just having water tonight, despite being at a nice restaurant,” you started slowly. “And naturally I could assume that it’s because you drove us here.” 

“Right,” he nodded. 

“I overheard something in the saloon one night, something about you- your past, really. And I definitely could have misunderstood or just heard it wrong…”

“Y/N, it’s okay, I won’t be upset. What was it?”

“Someone called you the ‘ex-town drunk’. And I was just wondering if maybe…you’re not drinking tonight because you’re afraid…that I’ll judge you or something?” You bit your lip as you finished, hoping to Yoba that you hadn’t crossed a line. Shane let out a sigh and leaned back in his seat, but leveled you with a soft look anyways. 

“I’m assuming there’s actually two questions here even though you only really asked one,” he started. “First, why am I not drinking on our date at this fancy establishment. Second, was I actually known as the town drunk and if so, how bad must it have been to gain a reputation like that.” He raised his brows in question and you blushed, giving him his confirmation. “Before I answer those, can I ask you something?”

“Uh sure.” You were confused where he was going with this, but curiosity got the better of you. 

“Whenever we’re in the saloon, what do you see me drinking?” You thought about it for a minute, not able to provide a decent answer. 

“I’m not sure actually. You usually seem to have a can of something, but the label is always covered by a koozie. I just assumed it was some kind of beer.” Shane smiled lightly and nodded. 

“It’s actually JojaCola,” he said, surprising you. That was _not_ what you expected at all. “Sometimes it’s flavored seltzer water, but only when the cravings get too strong.”

“So, what, do you not drink at all or something?”

“I’m sober, actually. A recovering alcoholic,” Shane answered. You watched as he pulled his wallet out of his pocket, dug around a moment, and then produced a colorful chip. He held it up for you to see and then offered it. You took the small token and examined it carefully, closely, with wonder. “Three years.”

“Shane, I had no idea…” You felt tears begin to burn behind your eyes and a new sense of respect for this man. He had fought battles, faced demons, had scars and war stories, and you hadn’t even been aware. Overwhelmed by emotion, you reached out and grabbed his hand. “This is amazing. Really.”

“Thank you,” he said with a smile. “It has not been an easy road, but every step has been worth it.” You offered a watery smile in return and held his gaze for a few more moments until the waiter returned with your food and the heaviness at your table was replaced with awkwardness. 

“I’m so sorry, this is awful first date rapport,” you apologized as the two of you started to eat, your cheeks burning red with embarrassment. Shane simply laughed and shook it off. 

“No, no, I like it,” he assured you. “When have we ever really been conventional?” He threw you a wink and you felt the awkwardness between you lift. With a much lighter atmosphere, you enjoyed your wine, his company, and the delicious lobster bisque in front of you. 

***

“I had a really great time tonight,” you told Shane as he walked you to your door. “It was a lot of fun. And the restaurant was delicious.”

“I had a great time, too,” he replied, lopsided grin curving his lips. The two of you walked up your porch steps and stood under the light of the sconce, not ready to say goodnight but also knowing that it was inevitable. “So, does this mean that if I asked you out on a second date, you’d probably say yes?” Your laugh was answer enough, but you told him so anyways. 

“I think I would most definitely agree to go on a second date with you.”

“Well, in that case, I will be a gentleman and bid you goodnight, wait until I’m sure you’re inside safely, and then head home.” You smiled once again at him, his insides practically floating at the sight of it, and turned to unlock your door. Stepping inside, you paused halfway over the threshold. 

“Thank you for being a gentleman,” you told him softly, hoping your eyes conveyed how genuinely you appreciated it. 

“Of course,” he replied just as gently. “But I am wondering when I’ll be able to kiss you again.”

“I’m not sure exactly, but you’ll know.” Throwing him a wink, you said goodnight and closed the door lightly behind you. Shane let out the breath he hadn’t known he was holding and nodded to himself. He was practically giddy with excitement at how well the date had gone, how easy things had been between you, how natural it felt being with you this way. Climbing into Marnie’s truck, he didn’t stop smiling the whole way back to the ranch. 

Inside, you watching him go from the window, your own happiness bubbling over. You hadn’t felt this way for…you didn’t even know how long. The excitement, the flirting, the conversation, the surprise of it all. Yoba, for the first time in a long time you actually felt happy. _Genuinely happy_. 

You practically waltzed around the house as you got ready for bed, replaying your favorite moments from the night. Things were finally, _finally_ , falling into place and you thanked your lucky stars for it all. Your phone pinged from the bed where you’d thrown it before going into the bathroom to wash your face and brush your teeth and your stomach filled with butterflies at the sound. Padding over to pick it up happily, you expected it to be a text from Shane. Instead, what was on your screen made all those butterflies die and your stomach dropped. 

_Unknown – You look good in dresses_

***

First thing the next morning, you drove to closest town in the Valley. After receiving the text last night, you had started to panic. Immediately, you blocked the number and then called your parents. Your dad had been worried to receive a call so late into the night, and the tone of your voice didn’t help at all. They assured you that they were safe and everything was okay on their end. At least they were safe. 

You were in the doors of the cell center as soon as they opened, purchasing a new phone, changing the number, and transferring your contacts. Again. The list was rather small; the least amount of people who knew where to reach you, the better. You sent out a mass message to let them all know you had a new number and this was where they could reach you now. 

Once that was taken care of, you quickly left the store and headed for the police station. Pelican Town didn’t have its own office since it was so small, but this department deployed their officers on patrols for the town so they would be who you would deal with if needed. Walking into the station, you told them you needed to file a restraining order.


	25. Moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI HELLO I'M SO SORRY IT'S TAKEN SO LONG TO GET THIS WRITTEN
> 
> I had terrible writer's block after I finished the last chapter and I just could NOT bring myself to get something written. Every time I sat down to try, my mind went blank. But finally, FINALLY, inspiration struck and VOILA! Here you have it! A chapter that I had no idea where it would go once I started writing it, but that I love now that it's finished! 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it :) I can't WAIT to get the next one out, I have soooooo much planned for this beautiful story and I'm just so thankful for everyone that stuck around for this wild ride. 
> 
> As usual, this is totally unedited and fresh off of my brain because it is 2:30 am and I'd have to wait until morning to edit but I want to publish this now. And as always, please let me know what you all think! I love each and every one of you, and I hope you're all staying safe <3

Another yawn floated off your lips and you blinked your eyes hard to try and rid the tiredness from them as you tended to the crops in the field. It had been yet another practically sleepless night. What little sleep you did manage to achieve was robbed of rest by nightmares replaying the worst of your past. Or what you prayed to Yoba wouldn’t happen in the future. 

It had been a rough couple of weeks. 

You were plagued by paranoia, constantly watching over your shoulder, looking out the windows of the house at night, making sure everything was locked over and over and over again, jumping at the slightest sounds. The ding of a new message filled your stomach with dread, the sound of an approaching vehicle bristled the hairs on the back of your neck. 

Even when awake, you couldn’t get any rest. 

For the most part, you had thought that you were hiding it well enough, even from Shane. Especially from Shane. The handful of times he had asked if you were okay, you had played your strange behavior off as tiredness from working on the farm. It was working for now, but you weren’t sure how long you could keep up the charade. It felt like something was looming, waiting to break. You hoped he wouldn’t be part of the aftermath when it did.

Checking the time on your watch, you cursed under your breath and stood from the plot you’d been weeding. You needed to check on the chickens on then get changed. Swimming lessons started today for you and Jas and you were already on track to be late. After shooting a text to Shane to let him know, you hurried off to finish up. 

***

The water was cold. 

Sure it was a hot, sunny day and it might be _refreshing_ or whatever, but it was _cold_ , dammit, and you were thinking that maybe you’d just sit this one out today and try again after the sun had worked on it for a few days. 

“Once you get in, you’ll get used to it,” Shane assured you. Pursing your lips, you continued to look at the water’s surface disdainfully, not moving from your perch on the ladder. Shane had bought a simple backyard pool to teach Jas in before moving on to the lake or the sea. One of the ones that wasn’t cheap, but wasn’t very expensive either. It wasn’t huge, but it was big enough. You could stand and the water wouldn’t even come up to your chest. 

But it had been filled with hose just hours ago and it was cold.

“What if I just observe today?” you tried, putting on your best compromise face, like this was the best idea in the world and you’d both win. “Watch you teach Jas some of the basics.”

“Do you know the basics?” Shane asked, one eyebrow quirked. Jas giggle from where he held her on his hip as you glared at him. 

_“No.”_

“Then you should probably come in the water and learn them.” 

“C’mon Miss Y/N!” Jas encouraged you, flashing a dazzling smile in the way only little kids could. “It’ll be fun!”

“If she can do it…” Shane shrugged, giving you a look that said _‘really?’_ With a sigh, you started down the ladder, hissing at the cold water as it moved up, up, up your legs, to your waist, and oh, the belly was the worst. On tippy toes, arms held purposefully high so as to keep as much of yourself out of the water as you could, you scooted to the middle of the pool. 

“Happy?”

“See, it’s not so bad,” Shane said, amusement in his voice. He put Jas in a tube floaty and dipped himself down, slowly swimming his way toward you. Suspicion followed by panic rose in your gut. “You just have to get used to it. Really _get in_.” 

“What are you doing?” you demanded, trying to tip-toe backward through the water as Shane moved closer. “Shane, what are you- no, don’t you dare! Shane, NO-“

But it was too late. You had just enough time to plug your nose and take in a breath before his arms were wrapping around you, hugging your body against his, and falling backward into the water. Cold rushed around you and you clung to him while simultaneously wanting to push him away. Shane held you tight and before you knew it, the two of you were popping to the surface, Shane laughing while you practically growled at him. 

Since you were in the presence of a child, you knew you shouldn’t swear at him profusely and loudly. You opted instead to hiss _‘fucking bastard!’_ in his ear before he set you on your feet again and swam back to Jas. Shane’s eyes were playful and searing as he took in your form. Hair soaked, wet one-piece clinging to your curves. You could feel his gaze burning through you, melting away all the annoyance in your mind. He threw you a wink before turning back to his goddaughter and you managed a blush. Yoba, your nipples were probably showing through this suit because _THE WATER WAS FUCKING COLD_ and now you couldn’t stop thinking about Shane thinking about that.

Shaking your head of those thoughts, you splashed at Shane playfully, accidentally getting Jas a bit. The little girl just squealed and laughed and before any of you could even realize, you were in the middle of a splash fight. 

And so went the afternoon. Fun in the pool for awhile, followed by finally getting to some actual teaching and learning. Jas was picking things up quickly and Shane beamed proudly at her. You beamed at him beaming at her. 

When it was finally time to get out and dry off, you were utterly exhausted, but couldn’t stop smiling. Jas handed you a towel and you thanked her, laughing as Shane ruffled her hair in the towel and she squealed in protest. After getting her dry, he sent her off into the house to shower before dinner. The two of you were left in the late afternoon sun, water droplets still glistening on your skin, the scent of sunscreen and pollen surrounding you. 

“This was a lot of fun today,” you told Shane, moving the towel to dry your hair. He smiled at you, finally grabbing the last one in the stack and started to pat his limbs down. 

“It was,” he agreed. “And you feel like you’re actually learning?” You nodded happily and he held your gaze, his movement with the towel slowing. The air between you was shifting to something much more _adult_ than just summer fun in the sun. Suddenly, there was little space between your bodies. 

Shane’s gaze bored into your own. You drew your lip between your teeth. He glanced at that lip. 

You were then very aware of just how shirtless Shane was and just how _dressed-in-a-wet-bathing-suit-that-basically-showed-off-everything_ you were. Of course, this had been true for the whole afternoon. But you were just now noticing it. Your eyes slid down Shane’s chest, taking in the muscles of his arms, the firm softness of his abdomen, that dark line of hair that disappear beneath his trunks tantalizingly. 

He took in your soft curves, the length of your legs, the sharpness of your collarbones, the shape of nothing but you under that swimsuit. 

‘Maybe this is the moment,’ he thought to himself, mind, body, and soul hopeful. He leaned closer. You didn’t lean away. His nose brushed yours. He heard you draw in a breath. 

And then the backdoor was opening and Marnie was striding through with Jas’ wet suit and towel in her hands. 

“I’ll take your towels and get them in the wash, I can do your suit also if you’re staying for dinner- oh, my bad,” the older woman smirked and stopped in her tracks when she took in the scene in front of her. You and Shane had jumped apart at the noise, just in case it was Jas coming through the door, and now both of your gazes were fixated on the ground, cheeks blazing red, features scrunched in embarrassment or frustration or both. “Didn’t mean to interrupt _the moment_ ,” Marnie chuckled, gathering your towels and turning to go after throwing a wink at the two of you. 

“Well,” Shane finally sighed after she’d disappeared back into the house. The atmosphere had shifted to awkward and now you couldn’t help but laugh. “That moment is ruined.” Shane shot you a toothy smile as he chuckled himself, reaching out to squeeze your hand. 

You squeezed back.

***

“I’ve never been up this way before,” you said with wonder as you stepped out of the truck. Shane pulled the backpacks out of the bed. “I didn’t even know this existed.”

“Well, good, then it’ll be even more exciting when we get to the top,” he replied, grinning broadly. “Ready?” You nodded and the two of you set off. Shane had said that he wanted to take you on a date that was more than just dinner at some nice restaurant, and that if you were up for it, he had an idea. Of course you had agreed, excited and anxious as he kept it all a mystery until just a bit ago. 

Today you be hiking to the top of The Summit, one of the tallest hills in the Valley. It wasn’t a mountain, no, but Shane said you could see for miles. The climb was steep, but the path wound round and round and made it seem not so bad. It was an adventure, and you loved adventures. 

Shane led the way, the two of you making light conversation as you went, mostly about the beautiful surroundings. You saw a squirrel, heard birds singing, bugs humming, the sound of the wind swishing through tall grass. Wildflowers sprouted up along the hillside and occasional trees provided brief respites of shade. The hike was fun and new and you were loving it, but it was nothing compared to when the two of you reached the top. 

Your mouth dropped and you couldn’t help but let out an awed sound. The Summit looked out over the Valley and you could see _everything_ it felt like; untouched forests, winding roads cutting through the landscape, fields and fields, rivers and streams, a bit of the Gem Sea, Pelican Town. It was beautiful and you didn’t have words. Shane watched your reaction with delight, admiring the view himself. He loved coming up here, especially when he needed to clear his head. 

He found a spot in the grass and set his backpack down, pulling items out and digging around for things. All the while, you looked out over the Valley, taking it all in, admiring it, loving it. Shane eventually joined you again, but this time to draw your attention away from the view to point to the little picnic he had set up for the two of you. Another surprise. You smiled brightly and squeezed his hand, making your way over to the blanket and shedding your backpack. 

“This is amazing,” you told him, folding your legs under yourself and grabbing an apple. “Thank you for bringing me here. I can’t believe I never knew this was place even existed!”  
“It can be hard to miss, if you don’t already know it’s here,” he chuckled, biting into some cheese and crackers before also popping a grape into his mouth. “But it’s one of my favorite spots in Stardew Valley.”

“I can see why.” The two of you chatted and laughed and admired the view, eating the food Shane had brought, before laying back on the blanket next to each other to look up at the sky. It was early evening and Shane knew that you had to be leaving soon, but he wanted to spend as much time up here as possible before then. 

“Can I ask you something…personal?” he asked, eyes training on the clouds. 

“Go for it.” This was oddly reminiscent of your first date, when you’d uncouthly asked him about being an alcoholic. 

“Why don’t you ever talk about your family?” That one caught you off guard. It wasn’t what you were expecting him to ask, but you also weren’t sure what you _had_ expected. You shifted a bit on the blanket, pursing your lips and thinking for a few moments before answering. 

“I suppose we just…aren’t that close. So I don’t think of it much.” 

“But your grandfather left you his farm.” A chilly gust of wind blew over the two of you laying in the grass. Shane thought of the time, but he didn’t want to move, not just yet.

“He did,” you nodded. “But honestly, I’m not sure why. Sure, I spent some of my childhood here, but not much. He came into the city occasionally for things like birthdays when I was little. I loved him, of course. But life went on and he lived far away and I was a busy teenager who didn’t have time to go visit the country. Then after he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, he went downhill pretty fast. I only saw him a handful of times before he finally passed. He had one moment of clarity the last time I saw him where he suddenly remembered who I was, which hadn’t happened in a long time, and very urgently stuffed an old letter into my hand, telling me not to open it until…” Tears stung in your eyes as you thought about it and you cleared your throat before continuing. “Anyway, I didn’t know what it was until like a year later when I finally opened it and found the deed to the farm. I was his only grandchild, maybe that’s why he left it to me.”

“Well, whatever his reason, I’m glad he did,” Shane said, turning his head to look at you. You looked back. “And I’m glad you moved here.” 

There was that feeling again, the shift in the air around you. Shane’s pulse jumped in his throat as he studied your face. He thought once again that maybe _this_ was the moment. You shuffled closer. He reached a hand over to brush a strand of hair away from your face. Shane rolled to his side and leaned closer-

And then he felt a raindrop. Just one, then another, a few more. Now both of you were sitting up and looking up at the sky. Dark clouds were rolling in and the wind was picking up. Shane cursed and scrambled for the backpack, trying to pack everything back in before-

The heavens opened and suddenly you were drenched as rain poured down on The Summit, soaking the Valley in a tremendous shower. Shane heard you squeal, trying to help him push things into the packs, but he finally said, “Fuck it, come on!” and grabbed your hand. He hauled you to your feet and bolted for the huge old oak tree only a few yards away. It wouldn’t be dry, but it’d be better than sitting in the open. Pulling you under the tree with him, Shane wiped at the water running down his face and panted. 

Then he heard it. 

You were laughing. 

And it was a beautiful, bright sound.

He looked over at you, back pressed against the trunk of the old tree, hands held out in front of you as if to catch the raindrops that fell through the leaves, gorgeous laughter ringing from your lips.   
“I’m so sorry, I had no idea this was coming,” Shane shouted over the rain. You simply shook your head, eyes sparkling up at him. 

“Don’t be,” you shouted back. Shane stepped closer. This was it, this was the moment. The two of you, soaked to the bone and stuck under a tree in a rainstorm that had come out of nowhere, hair plastered to your face and joy in your eyes nonetheless. He knew right then. 

Finally, _finally_ , he was going to kiss you again. 

One hand wrapped around the back of your neck to tilt your face up to him, the other braced on the trunk of the oak, Shane caught your mouth with his own. It was wet and sweet and warm and electric and cold all at the same time. Your mouths moved together, lips molding, tongues tasting, heat flooding. You pressed against him, hands fisting in his shirt front to pull him closer, to hold him there in that moment, to prove to yourself that this, _this right now_ , was real and happening and _wonderful._

You kissed until the rain stopped. It was a short, pop up shower, a small burst of precipitation that was over within minutes, and then the evening sun was shining and turning everything the color of honey. Shane rested his forehead against yours, eyes stuck closed as if he was afraid that when he opened them, you’d have disappeared. He heard your faint, deep breaths as you sucked air back into your lungs. Then your fingertips were touching along his jaw lightly, pulling him back for another, more innocent kiss. Bumping your nose against his, he smiled. 

“Sorry about the rain,” he said again. 

“I’m not,” you said back.


	26. A Summer Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, another chapter!!! Just under the wire of a month 😅 I knew where I wanted this chapter to go, but it took awhile to finally get there. Once it started coming together, though, it was a ton of fun to write!!! Mostly just fluffy cuteness 😊 but I hope you guys like it as much as I do!!! As always, I love to hear your feedback!
> 
> PSA - make sure to always have the important conversations with your partner about testing, birth control, protection, etc. Be they an established partner or a partner for a night! But at the end of the day, always be careful, be safe, use protection, and do what is best for YOU and YOUR BODY ❤

Shane meandered through the laughing, screaming kids to make his way toward the kitchen. He tried muttering polite ‘excuse me’s to the kids, but they clearly didn’t care. Neither did the parents who sat around in lawn chairs chatting each other up over their cups of punch. As the screen door swung shut behind him and he moved deeper into the old house, the noise dropped off and calmed him immensely. Shane paused in the hall to take a deep breath before rounding the corner into the kitchen. What he found there made his breath hitch. 

You bustled around the room, tying up a full trash bag, grabbing another stack of solo cups and some paper plates, checking that the extra punch was made and cooling in the fridge. The dress that Jas had gotten you for Christmas, the one you’d worn to the flower dance, twirled elegantly around your legs as you moved. Shane couldn’t do much more than just watch you for a moment, his whole body smiling and content. 

The farmer next door.

Helping him throw a child’s birthday party. 

_His_ farmer. _His_ child. 

Turning abruptly to take the extra supplies outside, you startled at the sight of Shane leaning against the doorway. 

“Oh,” you gasped, shaking off the small fright and offering a grin instead. “How long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough,” he replied with a shrug, stepping forward and pulling you closer by the hips. Shane pressed a sweet, fleeting kiss to your lips, not nearly long enough, but enough for now. 

“I was about to refill the plates and cups,” you said. “Do you think it’s about time to do the cake? I can come back for that if you want to get Jas and the others ready.”

“Since you’re already going out there, how about _you_ grab Jas and round up the kiddos, and _I’ll_ grab the cake.” Your eyes narrowed at him suspiciously. 

“You just want the easier job.” Shane chuckled, but admitted that yes, it was true, he did not particularly want to wrangle the feisty children. He smiled in victory as you breezed past him toward the backyard before moving to grab the cake out of the freezer. Jas always wanted an ice cream cake for her birthday and Shane always obliged, despite the fact that the cake usually melted all over her before she had time to eat most of it. He took his time to get the candles ready and grab a lighter just in case one blew out on the way. Then he started the slow walk toward the backyard. 

Jas was waiting in the middle of one of the picnic tables, surrounded by friends, you and Marnie standing behind her. Shane could’ve sworn her eyes got three times bigger as soon as she set sights on the cake and he laughed. Placing it down in front of her, everybody began a loud chorus of “Happy Birthday”. Shane moved to stand next to you, his arm wrapping around your waist and your head finding his shoulder as everyone sang. Jas’ head excitedly bobbed up and down, eager to blow out her candles and dig in. Once she did, everyone clapped and cheered, and Marnie went to cut up the cake. 

Shane rested a hand on Jas’ shoulder and squeezed you tighter, looking between the two of you. His girls. You smiled up at him at the same time Jas did. He could’ve sworn that the universe burst. Or maybe just his universe. Either way, he knew in that moment. 

He loved Jas more than anything. But you were a close second. 

***

Pulling up to the farm, Shane climbed out of the truck and shut the door behind him. He could already smell the familiar scent of burning firewood and headed for the backyard. Rounding the house, he found you tucked into a worn lawn chair, drink in your hand, cooler next to you, looking into the fire. When you heard him approaching, your eyes found his and lit up. 

“Hey,” you called, happy that he had come over.

“Nice fire,” Shane said by way of greeting, plopping into the other chair. “Got s’mores tonight?”

“Pfft, duh.” Your eyes rolled as if that was a stupid question and you reached to the other side of your chair. When your hand returned, it was holding a bag of marshmallows. “Want one?”

“Duh,” Shane echoed playfully, making you chuckle as you tossed the bag into his lap and bent over to grab the rest of the supplies for him. Shane impaled his marshmallow and thrust it into the flames, waiting for it to catch on fire. 

“Such a terrible way to make s’mores.” Your head shook in disgust at the site of Shane’s blackened treat. Just to spite your hatred, he shoved the whole thing into his mouth with a wink before putting another on the skewer, this time for an actual s’more. “So gross.”

Shane made his s’more. You finished your drink and pulled out another one. Shane briefly wondered what number that was. You looked up at the stars. 

The two of you were content to sit together in silence, the only sounds that of the fire popping and crackling and the insects singing in the trees. Shane dug around in the cooler sat between your chairs and found a flavored seltzer water, the brand he had once casually mentioned he preferred that now always seemed to be stocked in your fridge. He leaned back and looked up at the stars, too. 

“Hey, just so you know,” you started, breaking the silence between the two of you, your head rolling along the back of the lawn chair to look over at Shane. “I really appreciate you being okay with us taking things slow. Thanks.” 

“No need to thank me,” Shane said with a shrug. “I’m happy to do whatever makes you comfortable. Nothing has to happen until you’re ready.” Giving him a smile, you reached your hand out and he happily put his into it. Your attention turned back to the stars, but Shane watched you for a few more moments. He saw your mouth turn down at the corners and your lip get drawn between your teeth. 

“You know I…it’s not that I _don’t want_ to. Because I do,” you told him. Shane’s muscles tensed just the slightest bit at the shift in conversation. He quirked a brow and offered a half-smirk. 

“Well, I’m very happy to know that you do, in fact, _want_ to have sex with me,” he joked, making you laugh. Your hand squeezed his. 

“You know what I mean!”

“No, I do, I do,” he replied, nodding. “You know, you don’t have to explain yourself, Y/N.” His voice was soft and he fixed you with a more serious look in his eyes. You shrugged and turned back to looking at the sky. 

“I know. But sometimes it’s nice to anyway.” Another period of quiet stretched between you, and then, “While we’re on the subject…”

Shane turned to look at you yet again, brows lifting in curiosity at whatever the hell you were going to say next. 

“We should probably…um…talk about some things.”

“Like what?”

“Well…when was the last time you were tested?” you asked, gaze soft and piercing. Shane looked into the fire, trying to pin down an exact date in his brain. 

“Hm…it was right when I started dating Penny,” he answered, the awkwardness creeping into his voice at the mention of an ex. “And I was clean.”

“But you haven’t been since?”

“Well, I haven’t slept with anybody since then,” Shane admitted, meeting your eyes again. You nodded slowly in understanding, so many questions that you had never had the courage to ask finally getting an answer. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Pause. “What about you? When was your last test?”

“That would have been…all the way back when I first moved to the valley,” you said. “It was a hell of an introduction to Harvey.” Shane chuckled and nodded. 

“I can imagine. Not since?”

“Well, I haven’t slept with anybody since,” you echoed his words from earlier, mouth quirked in a half-grin. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Pause. 

“Do you have a…preferred method of uh…birth control?” Shane asked, cheeks turning the slightest bit pink. 

“I have an IUD actually,” you explained. “It’s good for another three years.”

“Oh, wow, okay. So, do you still use condoms or…?”

“Only if I’m sleeping with someone I don’t know for sure is clean. So when we...yano…it’s up to you if you want to use one or not. I’m comfortable either way.” Shane nodded, fixated on the flames dancing in front of him. When he glanced at you out of the corner of his eye, your face was once again tilted up to the sky. Shane downed his seltzer and grabbed another. You made a s’more. 

The rest of the night passed in relative silence. The two of you occasionally chatted, but mostly you just enjoyed being with one another, looking up at the stars and enjoying the fire. When it got later than was probably responsible for either of you to be up, you put out the fire, cleaned up the snacks and drinks, and then Shane kissed you goodbye on your front porch before heading for the truck and driving back to the ranch.


	27. Life Update!

Hello lovelies!

Been a minute, eh?

I just wanted to post this short little update to do two main things. First, to apologize for taking so incredibly long to update this story. Second, to reassure you that it isn't going anywhere! 

We all know life has been crazy with everything happening this year. There's constantly something going on, something new popping up, another depressing headline inducing our anxiety. Two major things have been going on in my life, though, that have been taking up my time. One, school is back in session and let me tell you, being a graduate student is HARD 😅 (being a student in general is hard, especially right now ugh) so that has been occupying most of my energy and time. Second, my boyfriend and I got a second dog, a PUPPY!!! We adopted a sweet little girl from our local shelter, but gosh puppies are so so much work. Getting to love on her and watch our other dog become a wonderful big sister has been amazing, though, and it is worth all the frustration and lack of sleep!!!! 

So, all this to say that I am not gone nor am I going anywhere! I am currently working on the next chapter of the story and I hope to get it out soon (possibly today, but no promises). I had actually started it awhile ago, but I really hated what I had written and the whole idea for this next chapter, so I started over!

To all those that have stuck with me the whole time, THANK YOU. To those that continue to support this story despite my lack of consistent updates, THANK YOU. To anyone and everyone that has read it, THANK YOU. I truly love this story and I'm so excited to share the rest of it with you!

All my love,   
minicoopbug


	28. Burning Stars* (NSFW)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S HEEEERE!!!! 
> 
> I am SO excited to finally get this chapter finished up and published for you guys, it has been a long time in the making. I had a completely different direction for this originally and hated it so I totally scrapped that and started over, but I wanted it to be perfect. I really really hope that you guys like this chapter, PLEASE give me your feedback!
> 
> As a heads up, this is IT, this is THE chapter. So, yano...warning for smut and all that ;)
> 
> Also, check out the end of the chapter for a few more notes, too :)

Summer was in full swing and your work on the farm only seemed to pile up. Between the chickens growing into adult hens that were laying daily now, blooming flowers, bee boxes filling with honey and more waiting to be built, wine brewing in the kegs, and the crops blooming and fruiting, it was like you didn’t have enough hours in the day or enough hands to cover it all. 

Shane tried to help when he could, but things at the ranch were just as crazy. He was basically doing double time helping Marnie and running the chicken business, plus trying to help you here and there. The season was so busy that you hadn’t even had time for a real date lately. It was usually something simple like eating dinner together after a long day of work, maybe sitting around a bonfire for a bit, or sitting in to watch a movie (which usually resulted in more kissing than actual movie watching). 

Tonight, though, was a real date, away from the farm, the ranch, away from Pelican Town altogether. Shane had insisted you both needed a night out to get some space and a break from work, even if it was just for a few hours. He had picked you up and driven the two of you over to Grampleton to have a nice dinner at a small bistro in the neighboring town. The food had been delicious and afterward the two of you took a little walk through the town to enjoy the evening, happening to stumble upon a free concert in the park. Parking yourselves on a bench, you and Shane sat back and enjoyed the music of the local folksy group, sitting and talking about everything but work, laughing and feeling more relaxed than you had in weeks. 

It was late when the old truck finally pulled up your driveway, but you still weren’t quite ready to say goodnight. Neither was Shane. He took a particularly long time kissing you goodbye, and that long kiss quickly took a turn. Your fingers combed through his hair as he held you close, one hand sliding from your side down to your bare leg as the other held your cheek. As heat coursed through you, a small moan escaped your lips, only serving to egg Shane on. His tongue darted in to taste yours and he inhaled sharply, mouth leaving yours to make its way across your cheek, to your jaw, and down your neck just a for a moment before suddenly he was pulling away with a deep gasp. 

“Okay, okay,” he breathed, seemingly more to himself than to you. Your head was spinning at the loss of his kisses and you leaned back in for more only to be gently held back. Shane offered a small, sheepish smile. “Don’t wanna cross any boundaries. I’ve gotta reel myself in.” 

Your body protested, aching deeply at the loss. You thought for a moment, blinking up at the man in front of you. This wonderful, respectful, sweet, gentle, attractive-as-all-hell man. And in that moment, you knew. 

Biting down on your bottom lip as a mischievous smile spread across them, you were suddenly hauling yourself into Shane’s lap, legs on either side of his thighs and the hem of your dress piled around the two of you. His eyes went wide, hands held up by his face as if he was surrendering, as if his skin would burn if he touched you. Or worse, not be able to stop the temptation of touching _more_ of you. But it was exactly what you wanted. 

“Y/N-“ he started, but you cut him off. 

“I want this,” you said, cupping his face and looking into those gorgeous eyes. “I want _you._ ” Shane took a deep breath, searching your gaze for any doubt, but you held steady until finally pressing a sweet kiss to his mouth. 

“You’re sure?” he asked, voice low. His hands finally found your hips, foreheads pressing together. 

“I’m sure.” Your answer was firm. Strong and enthusiastic enough that Shane was confident in your consent. Then he was kissing you again, this time with more heat, more intensity. His mouth led yours in this dance, exploring, tasting, testing. Your body responded immediately, already worked up from earlier. Shane let out something between a groan and a growl as your hips moved down against his own, chests molding together. 

Shane’s hands slid from your waist up your back, pulling you into him even more if that was possible. One of your hands was once again tangled in his hair, the other planted firmly on his shoulder for balance and support. The two of you moved together, friction building, noises escaping between kisses, skin hot to the touch. One of Shane’s hands moved across your back to your side once again, his thumb rubbing experimentally just under the curve of your breast. When that sent a shiver down your spine, he moved to brush it gently over your nipple through the thin fabric of your sundress, earning a whimper that drove him crazy. His lips left yours and blazed a trail down your neck. Your head tossed back to give him better access, fingers tightening on his shoulders. Shane’s mouth burned its way down, down, down to your collarbone, giving a playful nip as he dragged the strap of your dress down, then further, across the tops of your breasts, then you were arcing into his touch with a loud gasp as he flicked his tongue across your nipple. 

Needing to find better purchase, you blindly reached back, hand slapping against the steering wheel of the truck and sending a shrill HONK into the quiet night. The sound caused both of you to jump, a curse flying from your mouth. Eyes wide and hearts pounding, you and Shane looked at each other and couldn’t help but to burst out laughing. 

Because _of course_ you would accidentally honk the damn horn at a moment like this. 

Once the laughter was reduced to giggles, you leaned forward and kissed him sweetly once more. Shane tried to speak around the kiss, but you were insistent. 

“Should we…maybe….move….fromthetruck?” The last several words were all smashed together through the kiss. You shook your head, grinding your hips down into his. 

“Definitely not,” you breathed. Shane hummed against you, hands moving down to your ass and giving a firm knead. Your own dragged down his chest, feeling his curves and lines, before sliding back up into his hair as your tongues tangled. Bursts of heat popped and crackled across your body, everywhere he touched wanted more, everywhere he didn’t get to yet was screaming for attention. It was like your _whole being_ wanted his _whole being_ and the longer and longer you had to wait, the more desperate your body called out for his until it was practically unbearable and you _had_ to do _something_ before you went mad with desire. 

Breaking from Shane, you quickly found the hem of his pants and fumbled to undo his belt as your lungs sucked in air through shallow breaths. Shane was just as wrecked, his lips deep pink and slightly swollen, eyes glazed over and intense, hair already a mess. He fought for some semblance of control as he felt your fingertips brush over the straining bulge in his jeans while you worked. Shane’s own hands dove under the hem of your dress and slid up your thighs, finding a thin, lacey band around your hips and nothing covering your ass. 

Holy Yoba, you had been wearing a thong under this dress the entire time. That thought alone sent a pulse straight to his cock and he groaned at the discovery. You simply shot him a mischievous smirk, knowing exactly what that reaction was for. 

Before he could think of any clever retort, the button on his jeans was popping free, and so was he. Shane lifted his hips and tugged his pants down just the slightest bit, just enough, as you rose on your knees as much as you could in the cramped space. Grabbing the back of the bench seat for balance, one hand disappeared under your dress and pulled your panties to the side. Shane gave himself a few strokes. 

And then, stars above, you were sliding down on him, both of your universes exploding into bright spots as you took him further and further. Your eyes squeezed shut, mouth parted in a silent gasp. Shane’s head fell against the bench seat, his fingers digging into your bare hips where he held them. 

“Fuck,” he breathed, every muscle in his body tensing, world melting around him until it was just you, the warmth between your legs, the burning spots where your skin touched, the sound of your shaking breaths. 

“Holy Yoba,” you choked out, voice cracking and walls unintentionally flexing around him. Shane’s fingers squeezed your hips in response as his jaw clenched, a broken moan rumbling in his throat. He was….well, he was a tight fit, that was one way to put it. Leaning forward, Shane’s head came up to meet yours, foreheads resting against each other as trembling breaths mingled between the two of you. “Can…can I move?” 

With a nod as confirmation, you experimentally lifted your hips just the slightest bit before rocking back down on him, both of you groaning at the feeling. Shane shifted beneath you, planting his feet more firmly so he could match your movements. You were completely lost in him, in the sensation, the intimacy as you moved together, soaring higher and higher and threatening to get lost completely in the stars above. Finding a steady pace, Shane tangled his fingers in the back of your hair and pulled you to him for a searing kiss. The slight change in angle had you whimpering as his hips drove up over and over and over again. Your jaw went slack, mouth falling open against his, your hands cupping his face and feeling the rough stubble underneath your fingers. 

“Fuck, Shane, yes,” you whined, the wrecked, high-pitched tone to your voice only spurring him on more. Yoba, he was trying to hang on as long as he could, to at least wait for you, but you felt so fucking good and hearing you say his name like that sent shivers running down his spine. His grip on your thigh tightened and he was sure there’d probably be bruises later, but he needed to anchor himself to you somehow. Shane knew he wouldn’t be able to hold out much longer, so he doubled his efforts. 

One hand slid around to your ass and grabbed firmly, earning another whimper. Shane’s mouth was back on your chest, hot and wet and _voracious _. His teeth bit down on your nipple gently and you tossed your head back with a loud gasp, your hips stuttering in response. Fuck, he was so close…__

__His hand moved under your dress to find your practically throbbing center, thumb rubbing harsh circles around your clit. Shane watched you come apart, incoherent whimpers and babble falling from your lips, eyes scrunched tightly together, chest rising and falling rapidly, one hand braced against the ceiling of the truck to try and steady yourself._ _

__“C’mon,” he growled against your neck, finding that spot right under your ear. “Want you to come for me.” It was simmering low in your belly, building and building, threatening to consume you. Heat was spreading through your body until you felt like you were on fire, the blood in your veins practically molten as you climbed and climbed-_ _

__With a loud gasp of Shane’s name, you crumpled forward, practically falling into him as the orgasm overtook you. Your legs shook with the pleasure, all other thoughts flying from your mind, fireworks exploding behind your eyelids._ _

__“Fuck,” Shane breathed, movements sloppy as he felt you come around him, his own right there, so fucking close, almost there- and then it was slamming into him like a train, practically knocking the breath right out of his lungs as he was consumed, eaten alive by the burning pleasure spreading through him._ _

__Shane hadn’t had an orgasm like that in….he didn’t even know how long, but it felt like he had just gotten the life sucked out of him. Judging by your limp body, he thought you may have been going through the same thing. The two of you sat like that, sweaty, wrecked messes, trying to catch your breath until the soreness started to set in and someone had to move. You sat up with a sleepy look on your face, making Shane chuckle as he pushed some stray hair behind your ear. Smiling at him gently, almost shyly, you leaned forward to kiss him slow and languid, humming into it._ _

__With a deep breath, you lifted off of Shane’s lap, wincing slightly as he fell out of you, and plopped ungraciously on the seat next to him, fixing your dress and your underwear. Shane pulled up his jeans and underwear, redoing his belt before turning to you._ _

__“So,” he said, voice gravelly, “what now?” You took in the sight of the completely fogged up windows of the truck._ _

__“Well, it wouldn’t be safe for me to let you drive back like this,” you began playfully, a mischievous smile crossing your lips. “So I guess you better come in.” Shane smiled back at you with a full, toothy grin, nodding in agreement and gesturing for you to lead the way._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo here's the thing....I could make this really dirty. Like....REALLY dirty. If you guys want! Or wouldn't mind??? I don't really know how to ask if y'all want the smutty smut lol but please let me know! 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter!!!


	29. Poll: Farmer's Name

Hello my lovelies! 

I had an interesting idea brought to me by a fellow reader and I wanted to get feedback from all of you before I made a decision. They suggested that we give our sweet farmer their own name instead of using Y/N (your name). What do you all think about that? 

Would you rather keep the use of Y/N? Or give the farmer an actual name?  
I'm on the fence and could be convinced either way!!!

I've always written with Y/N because that is just what I'm used to. More often than not I'm writing fanfic and that is just what I've always done to help the reader put themselves into the story. I enjoy reading it that way when I read stories personally. But I'm open to giving an actual name! This story has a very special place in my heart and I feel that our farmer has truly become one of my favorite characters I've ever written, so I'd be happy to grace them with a name if that is what the majority would prefer. 

One caveat with a name, however, is that I've written this story from the 'you' perspective (second-person I believe is the real name of that lol?). Would it still make sense to you all as the readers of the story if the farmer had a name, but the story was still written from your perspective??? I'm not crazy about the idea of going back through and changing all of that to 'she', etc. and I worry that the story won't make sense otherwise or will read awkwardly. 

I appreciate all the feedback you can give on this in the comments below! PLEASE let me know what you think and be honest :) Also, if you think the farmer should have their own name, go ahead and drop a suggestion along with your feedback as well! 

All my love,  
minicoopbug

*EDIT/UPDATE*

So, I have finally decided on this name or Y/N debate and we are going to stick with referring to our farmer as Y/N! 

I hope everyone is respectful and accepting of this decision :) I just feel that I set out to write a reader insert story specifically and giving the farmer a name would change the tone and how I've been envisioning the story and everything. I'm happy with how it is thus far as a reader insert and I hope you all don't mind that!!!

Thank you SO much to everyone who submitted feedback, it was incredibly appreciated! I did tally up the results and it was very, very close, 7 (name) to 9 (Y/N), but ultimately I made this decision based on what I am comfortable writing. 

To those that have requested a name for the farmer, I encourage you to search for browser extensions that let you insert whatever name you want into fics where it says Y/N!!! For example, Chrome has one called InteractiveFics that allows you to do this and I'm sure that other browsers probably do, too. They're usually free and really easy to install or uninstall :)

Thank you all again for the feedback and support, I love all of you and I hope to get a new chapter out soon!  
All my love,  
minicoopbug


	30. The Luau* (NSFW)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay it's here!!! I'm so excited to get this update out for you guys, I know it's taking me such a long time in between chapters, but thank you all SO MUCH for being patient with me :) 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter! I had a ton of fun writing this one. It's just a little snapshot into their life as a couple now, but I absolutely love it. I know the story is moving slowly, but I'm enjoying writing it so much that I just want to keep it going haha! Totally unedited, so please forgive me for the mistakes, I was just excited to post. 
> 
> Let me know how you like it and without further ado...
> 
> (Oh, also, warning for a bit of smut near the end *wink wink nudge nudge*)

Shane woke late in the morning, the sun already streaming in through the window in full force. He blinked his eyes open slowly, stretching against the cool sheets, and smiled gently when he found your sleeping form. You were still out cold, hair wild on the pillow and expression peaceful. Shane reached out to gently smooth some stray strands behind your ear and cup your cheek. He felt like he could lay here and watch you sleep all day and be content. 

Was that weird?

Maybe, but he didn’t care. You just looked so…peaceful. Thoughts of the past few months flew through Shane’s mind like snapshots and highlights. The way you looked on the day of the flower dance. The way you looked the day after, dirty overalls and all. Teaching you and Jas to swim in the pool. Kissing you on the summit. All your help with Jas’ birthday. Holding your hand during family dinner at Marnie’s. Last night. 

Yoba, _last night_. 

If he wasn’t here, now, Shane would’ve thought last night was a dream. Hell, maybe it was and this was just part of it and he was about to wake up, alone, in his bed at Marnie’s. But then you shifted. Let out a yawn. Stretched. And slowly blinked your eyes open. 

And they found his, and Shane knew this was for real, he was really here, right now. 

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” he said with a gentle smile, voice hoarse from disuse. A smile curled your own lips as you rolled onto your side to face him. 

“Morning,” you returned. “Have you been up long?”

“No, just a few minutes.” You hummed in response, stretching again.

“Coffee?”

“Please.” Shane sat up to rest against the headboard as you got out of bed. He couldn’t help but admire your naked form as you looked around for something to throw on. Spotting something on the floor, you pulled up Shane’s discarded shirt from the night before. 

“Do you mind?” you asked, mischief turning up the corners of your mouth. Shane grinned in return trying to tamp down the arousal sparking in his gut. 

“Not at all.” Blushing the slightest bit, you put on Shane’s shirt before heading off to the kitchen to make coffee. Running his fingers through his hair, Shane let out a chuckle to himself. This was real. This was his life. And it was…amazing. 

A dopey grin adorning his face, he finally got out of bed, found his underwear, and padded off to the bathroom. When he was finished, Shane made his way to the kitchen and found you pouring two mugs. His arms snaked around your waist as he rested his chin on your shoulder. 

“This is nice,” he commented, pressing a kiss to your cheek. You let a soft laugh and lifted a mug to hand him. 

“What? The coffee?”

“Well, always,” he chuckled, taking the mug from you gratefully. “But no. I meant waking up to you. Starting the day with you.” Turning in his arms to face him, you offered up a sweet smile. 

“Yeah, it is.”

***

The hottest part of summer raged on, and farm work had to continue. But that didn’t stop you and Shane from settling into a sort of routine. You worked on the farm. He worked on Marnie’s ranch most of the time, and helped you out for larger projects if you needed him. You tried to eat dinner over at Marnie’s at least once a week to spend time with Jas. He stayed over a few nights a week now. You cooked, Shane cleaned up. You watched a movie or a show together, perhaps read books. Then he fucked you into the mattress. Or the couch. Sometimes the kitchen table. 

Life was good. 

Today, though, your anxiety was on overdrive. 

“I just…are you sure we should go? I could stay here and you and Jas could just go. There’s always work that needs to be done,” you pointed out, knots twisting in your gut. Shane gave you a small smile and reached out to rub your arm. 

“If you really don’t want to go, that’s okay. I’m not going to make you or anything,” he assured you. “But I do really think that you’ll have a lot of fun if you go with us. And I know Jas is excited to show you around since it’ll be your first time.” You chewed on your lip nervously, throwing around your options. 

One: stay home. Alone. Do farm work. Disappoint Jas. Feel guilty. But not have to face the town.

Or two: go and get a break from the farm for a bit. Play with Jas. Eat free food. See some of your friends and stomach the rest. 

You supposed option two was probably the better choice.

“I’ll go, I think you’re right. It’ll be fun. And it’ll be a nice break for the day, at least,” you said. Shane planted a kiss on your forehead before turning to finish packing the beach bag. 

“I don’t mean this how it’s going to sound,” he prefaced, “but why are you so worried about going to the Luau anyway?”

“Well, it’s just…we haven’t really spent much time in public, together, since we…started dating,” you admitted, feeling a little shy about it. 

“What? We go out to dinner all the time.” 

“In other cities,” you countered. “We don’t really go out together in Pelican Town. And I know Penny worked everything out and it’s been a few months, I just…” Your heart rate was rising thinking about everything again, worrying about peoples’ reactions and stares, wondering what they’d say and think…

Shane caught on and placed both hands on your shoulders, giving a squeeze to grab your attention and ground you in the present. 

“Hey,” he said softly, making you meet his eyes. “It’s okay. That’s perfectly normal, and you’re right, we haven’t gone out together very much in town. But everything will be fine. We’ll go and have fun. And if at any point you want to leave, we will. No questions asked.”

“Really?”

“Of course.” You smiled up at Shane, nodding your head in agreement. 

“Let’s go.” 

***

Okay, so the Luau was pretty fun. 

Jas was having an absolute _ball_. She practically skipped the whole way to the beach, and once you arrived, she grabbed your hand and pulled you around. She pointed out the dance floor and told you about how they’d light the tiki torches once it got dark and Emily always wore a grass skirt and flowers in her hair and danced with fire. She showed you all the food, taking special care to point out her godfather’s favorite hot pepper chutney that he always ate tons of. Jas pointed out the big pot of communal soup just as Marnie came by and reminded you to throw in whatever ingredient you brought. (You let Jas toss in the perfect hot peppers you had saved such for this and she squealed with delight.) Then the little girl took you closer to the water to set up your little beach spot for the day, saying this was the perfect distance between the water and the food and that you could still hear the music from here, but it wasn’t too loud to talk over. 

Once Shane got the beach chairs and the towels set up, he put Jas’ clothes away in the bag and slathered her in sunscreen from head to toe and put her swim vest on. He let her go down to the edge of the water, but told her she had to wait until he was with her to get in. You bit down on your bottom lip as you watched Shane shed his t shirt and flip flops. When he caught you, his lips turned up into a smirk and he pulled you close. 

“Like what you see?” he asked, voice low and deep. You giggled and nodded your head. 

“I do indeed.” He smiled toothily before placing a sweet kiss to your lips. A whistle rang out nearby, startling you so much that you jumped back from him entirely and scanned with wide eyes to see who the hell it possibly-

Sam. _Of course_ it was Sam.

Oh, and his entire family behind him all looking at you, too, lovely. 

Face bright red, you offered an embarrassed smile and waved in greeting, getting friendly waves in return. Shane watched you closely to see your reaction the whole time, and when you finally met his eyes again and he realized you were fine, he offered up a playful quip.

“Got it out of the way nice and early,” he said, making you lightly slap his chest. “Kidding, kidding!”

“Uh huh,” you deadpanned, glaring at him while smiling. 

“All right c’mon, strip down so I can lotion you up.” 

“Shane!” you burst out, hitting his arm again. He just laughed. “Oh, you think you’re so funny.” He nodded in agreement as you stepped out of your shorts and shed your shirt, feeling exposed but much more comfortable in the heat. He helped you put sunscreen on where you needed it and then rubbed some into his own shoulders before tossing it back into the bag. “You don’t need more?” you asked skeptically. 

“Nah, I’ll be fine. I’m sure we won’t be in the water too long and if we are, I’ll be under it,” he answered. With a shrug, you followed him down to the water where Jas was waiting impatiently. 

“It’s about time!” she remarked to her godfather. In response, he just scooped her up and ran into the water, laughing along with her squeals of delight. You sat in the sand, content to let the water just wash over you and watch the two play. You got away with it for awhile, but Shane eventually pulled you into the water, too. 

By the time they called that the soup was finished, your stomach was growling. The three of you got out of the water and Shane helped Jas get her swim vest off before she ran on ahead. He threw his t shirt back on and you pulled up your shorts. Grabbing your hand in his, the two of you made your way up to where everyone seemed to be gathering around the soup pot. 

“Welcome everyone!” Lewis began, voice booming over the crowd to give his speech.

“Who’s the guy next to him? I’ve never seen him before,” you whispered to Shane. 

“That’s the governor. He comes every year for the Luau to taste the soup. Lewis practically kisses the ground he walks on hoping to get funding for the community,” he explained. You nodded in understanding and then listened to the rest of the mayor’s speech, watching as he gave the governor a spoon. The man shuffled toward the soup and dipped it in, tasting it carefully and smacking his lips in some imitation of a professional food critic. Everyone, especially Lewis, waited with baited breath for his ruling, and cheered when he declared that the soup was absolutely magnificent. 

Moving through the line, you got yourselves bowls and then headed for the tables with the rest of the meal. Your plate was piled high by the time you all sat down together, Marnie joining you as well. Hunger took over and you were too busy eating to engage in much conversation, but a hand on your shoulder pulled your attention away. Turning with a cheek full of potato salad, you found Lewis standing with the governor behind you. 

“Y/N, I’d like to introduce to the governor of the region,” Lewis began, giving a stiff smile as he took in your state. Mouth full of food, hair tangled and wet with sea water. Bathing suit clinging to your top half. Cheeks turning red, you stood up and swallowed quickly, hoping to Yoba that you at least didn’t have anything in your teeth, and then offered a polite smile to the man in front of you. 

“Nice to meet you, sir,” you told him, trying to sound as polite and professional as possible to put on a good look for Lewis. 

“Ms. Y/L/N here is our resident farmer,” Lewis explained. “She moved in last year and took over her grandfather’s place.”

“Oh, would that be Sunny Ridge?” the governor asked excitedly. 

“Yes, sir,” you answered with a proud grin. Shane watched the way you perked up with pride that this man knew of your grandfather and his farm. 

“I used to buy the most delicious honey and hot peppers from your grandfather! Say, how is the old man nowadays?”

“Oh, uh-“ you started, eyes darting to Lewis for help. He cleared his throat and lowered his voice before informing the governor that your grandfather had passed a few years ago. 

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” the man offered. “He was a fine man, and a masterful farmer. The produce in the city just isn’t as good as fresh from the fields of Stardew Valley.”

“Well, sir, if you’d like, I would be happy to start doing business with you,” you offered. “I’m relatively new to the farming business, certainly not as skilled and experienced as my grandfather was, but I’ve been working hard to return Sunny Ridge and its products back to its former glory.”

“Now that sounds like a wonderful idea!” the governor boomed. “Lewis, I’ll get with you next week to set up a meeting with Ms. Y/L/N about doing just that. It was wonderful to meet you, miss.”

“And you as well, sir. I look forward to working with you,” you said, shaking his hand once again and beaming with excitement at yet another business opportunity. Shane and Marnie were just as excited and congratulated you as soon as you turned back around and sat down. 

So, yeah, the Luau wasn’t so bad after all.

***

“I’m glad we went. I had a lot of fun,” you told Shane as the two of you got back to the farmhouse. He had dropped Jas off at Marnie’s after carrying her back from the beach, completely passed out. She had played with Vincent and her other friends after eating and you had all stayed into the evening. Jas wanted to watch Emily do the fire dance, and then she herself took to the dance floor and exhausted her little body until she couldn’t dance anymore. You had to admit, you were pretty tired, too. 

“And you got a new business deal, with the governor of all people!” Shane reminded you, dropping the beach bag and chairs by the front door. 

“That was definitely a highlight,” you agreed, heading to the fridge to pull out a nice cold beer. You hadn’t drank all day, opting for water instead since it was so hot, but now you wanted to enjoy a good drink. Shane plopped on the couch with a hiss, wincing as he pulled his shirt off to reveal bright red skin across his chest and upper back. 

“Shit, this hurts,” he grumbled, laying his head against the back of the couch. 

“I thought you put enough sunscreen on?” you playfully mocked with raised brows, earning a glare as he flipped you off. You just laughed in response. “Okay, I deserved that. I might have some aloe in the bathroom, let me go see.” Much to Shane’s delight, you did indeed have aloe, and he went to work putting it on right away. 

“Thanks,” he sighed, putting the bottle on your coffee table. 

“I’m sorry you’re so uncomfortable,” you told him, patting his leg in pity as you sat down next to him. Your eyes scanned over his topless form and idea began to form. “You know, I can think of one way to distract you from the pain.” The tone of your voice caught Shane’s attention and he popped an eye open to look at you questioningly. Offering a devilish grin, you set your drink down and got off the couch before sinking down between Shane’s knees. 

He watched with baited breath as you ran your hands up and down his thighs, lightly dragging your nails and sending goosebumps up his body. You pressed your lips to the inside of his knee, moving agonizingly slowly up his legs.

“What exactly did you have in mind?” he husked. You shrugged innocently while tugging at his swim trunks and pulling them down to his ankles. 

“Just something to get your mind off of that sunburn,” you purred, biting gently on his inner thigh. Shane inhaled sharply, his rapidly hardening cock jumping at the sensation. You hummed happily at the reaction, sliding your hands higher until your thumbs were rubbing circles into his hips. Shane was breathing heavily, trying not to lose his mind at your slow pace. You continued teasing him, purposely not touching where he wanted- no, _needed_ \- you to, until he could barely stand anymore. His hands were fisted at his sides with white knuckles, eyes squeezed shut, already leaking precum without you even having touched him. He was almost ready to beg, to touch himself, to do anything that would give his throbbing dick some sort of relief. But then-

 _Oh, Yoba_ , then your lips were wrapping around him and he groaned in relief and shock and pleasure all in one. Even with your mouth on him, though, you were slow, taking your time. You gently sucked just on the head, not moving any further down and not using your hands except to brace on his thighs. It felt amazing, but it was driving Shane _mad_. 

“Fuck,” he moaned, head snapping up as you let go of him. He needed contact, _needed_ you to keep going, to keep touching him, to get back to-

“Holy shit.” The sight before him was…Yoba, it was enough to send another intense throb straight to his gut. You were looking up at him, meeting his eyes, while dragging your tongue from his balls to his tip in the absolute hottest way humanly possible. When you got to the top, you went straight down, taking him in completely. Shane’s eyes practically rolled to the back of his head as he slumped even further into the couch. His hands tangled in your hair without even thinking of it, not pushing, just giving him something to touch and hold onto. 

As you swallowed around him, Shane let another groan escape along with a string of curses. Yoba, he could already feel his orgasm building, intense and wild and threatening. You didn’t let up, though. One of your hands slid down to roll and squeeze his balls gently while your other took care of the part of him you couldn’t fit in your mouth. You pulled up and swiped the beads of whiteness off of his tip with a moan of your own before going back down. 

Shane was _wrecked_. His breath came in shallow pants, his fingers tugged on your hair, hips bucking up into the warmth of your mouth. You let him take control, doing whatever he needed to get himself there. With a deep shudder, Shane’s body tensed and then he was coming, hard, into your mouth. You took it happily, swallowing what you could and letting him soften on your tongue before he gently pulled you off and you took in a deep breath of air. 

Smirking at the sight in front of you, a feeling of satisfaction swept over you. This man was an absolute mess in the best possible way, all thanks to you. He was panting, arm thrown over his eyes as he came back to earth, body limp, cheeks flushed, cock spent. Yoba, it was one of the best sights you had ever laid your eyes on. 

“Holy…shit…” Shane breathed, finally lifting his head to look down at you, eyes barely staying open. You grinned and stood up, stretching your stiff muscles. 

“Does your sunburn still hurt?” you asked teasingly. 

“I can’t feel my body, so, no.”

“Well, then, mission accomplished.”


	31. Paranoia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow a whole new chapter just a day later!!! I was on a roll and started this one immediately after finishing the other and it just...really wrote itself. 
> 
> Warning, this is an angsty one. Lots of feelings and cursing and drinking. Let's brace ourselves. 
> 
> As always, I would love feedback on this! Enjoy!

Shane thought it might be better for both of you if you started making more public appearances as a couple. Of course, the Luau had gone off without a hitch (as far as he knew), but he wanted to make sure you were as comfortable as possible with him, and that included going about business in town. So, tonight he had offered to try to cook for you instead of the usual arrangement. But you would be on standby if something went horribly wrong, which was a strong possibility when Shane was in the kitchen. 

The two of you were in Pierre’s general store shopping for the ingredients he would need. You had picked out a dish that you thought should be relatively easy for him to make. The one he had picked out originally was…well, _ambitious_. You thought it best to start small. So he would be making spaghetti and meatballs with garlic bread and a fresh salad. 

You perused the aisles at Pierre’s, the basket on your arm slowly piling up. You figured that you may as well pick up a few other groceries while you were here, so you wandered off while Shane continued collecting his dinner ingredients. Picking up a box of pre-made blueberry muffin mix, you debated on whether or not that would be a nice surprise to make for Shane for breakfast tomorrow. You read the ingredients on the back to make sure you already had everything needed, then decided it would be best not to get too many things you didn’t need and put it back on the shelf. Turning to walk away, you quickly changed your mind and spun back around to grab the box and throw it in your basket. 

Only this time, when you picked the box up, you caught a glimpse of a familiar camo pattern and patch through the shelves in the next aisle over. 

Gasping, you dropped the box of muffin mix to the floor, the whole thing exploding and sending powdered muffin all over the floor and your shoes. You could already feel your chest tightening, access to air rapidly becoming restricted. 

“No, no, no…” You stumbled backward into the wall behind you (thank god it was a wall and not another shelf you could knock things off of), the impact sending a thud through your body that took the little breath you had left away. Then the hyperventilating set in. Your body slid to the floor, curling in on itself. A million thoughts were racing through your mind. 

_How was it possible? Are you sure it was even real? It had to be real, didn’t it? You’d seen it with your own two eyes…seen HIM. How did he find you? How were you going to get out? Out, out, out you had to GET OUT-_

“Y/N, what’s wrong? What’s going on?!” Shane’s panicked voice barely reached your ringing ears, and then he was there in front of you, hands on your arms, trying to catch your eyes, but all you could focus on was scanning the room behind him. “Shit, you’re shaking. Hey, look at me, look at me. Breathe, you’ve gotta breathe.” 

You could see other shoppers starting to find their way over, wanting to see what all the fuss was about. Pierre came running over to get to the source of the problem. When he saw the mess on the ground, anger flashed across his face, but once he saw your panicked state and Shane trying to calm you down, he softened…at least a bit. Pierre called for his wife to grab the broom and mop, and then put a hand on Shane’s shoulder. 

“I don’t know what happened, but go ahead and take her out the back. It’s more private,” the shopkeeper instructed. Shane thanked him and said that he’d be back in to pay for the muffin mix, but Pierre waved him off. Shane helped you stand and ushered you out the way Pierre had told him, trying his best to shield you from the nosey onlookers. On your way, you saw him, standing next to Jody. 

Her husband, Kent. Dressed in his usual army jacket. Of course. 

Finally getting you out back to the truck, he threw open the door and lifted you in. The hyperventilating had stopped, but now tears were pouring down your cheeks and you were still shaking like a leaf. Shane lifted your wet face in his hands, trying to search for some sort of answers there. 

“It’s okay, I’ve got you. You’re okay. You’re safe. Take some deep breaths with me. Ready?” He walked you through it, the calmness in his voice radiating out to you at least enough to steady your breathing. “There you go, good. Okay, let’s get you home.” 

The ride back to the farm was quiet. Shane didn’t want to push. You didn’t want to give. So you just sat curled up against the passenger door, gaze focused out the window. When he pulled up to your house, Shane got out and started to come around to open your door for you, but you were already getting out and making your way for the house, head tucked down and arms crossed tightly over your chest. He closed the truck door and followed, careful to keep his distance if that’s what you needed right now, but at least making sure to be there. 

In the house, you were already locked away in the bathroom, so Shane took a seat on the bed and waited. He listened to see if you needed anything, if something went wrong. He kept track of the time, figuring if it got to be too long then he’d go in and check on you. But eventually he heard the shower start and this calmed him down some. You were doing something to help relax and de-stress. Shane called Marnie and asked if she could drop off a pizza, to which she of course obliged. 

By the time you exited the bathroom, the sun was going down. Shane sat up on the bed, watching you closely as you made your way over. You laid down and curled up, head going straight into his lap. He ran his fingers through your wet hair and held you just like that, waiting for you to be the one to talk first. 

“I’m sorry,” you eventually mumbled, the words so quiet that he almost didn’t hear them. 

“Hey, you don’t need to apologize for anything,” he assured you. “Panic attacks happen. I’m just glad you’re okay.” You answered with a sniffle. More silence. And then…

“What are we gonna do about dinner?” Shane couldn’t help but chuckle. 

“Marnie dropped off a pizza while you were in the shower. Pepperoni and olives, your favorite.” That at least earned a pleased hum. “It’s in the kitchen. Do you want to eat out there, or do you want me to bring it in here?”

“In here please.” You scooted off of him and sat up, tucking yourself under the covers while Shane went to grab dinner. He also brought your computer so you could put on something to watch. And so the two of you sat in bed, eating pizza, watching your favorite show, eventually cuddling until you fell asleep. 

Shane wouldn’t ask what happened today, not for awhile at least. For now, he was content knowing that you were safe and okay in his arms.

***

Whatever had caused the panic attack in the first place was clearly enough to upset you for several days. You became withdrawn. Quiet. Much of your time together was spent in comfortable silence. The question loomed in the back of Shane’s mind, but he couldn’t bring himself to ask, not yet. 

You missed family dinner that week. Shane just told Jas you weren’t feeling well. She believed him. 

You rescheduled your meeting with the governor. You just told Lewis you weren’t feeling well. He believed you. 

Then the nightmares started.

They began the night after the panic attack, and Shane assumed it would be a one, maybe two or three-time thing. But it seemed like it was nearly every night he stayed over now, and he was sure it was happening when he wasn’t there, too. Sometimes you would just toss and turn with a look of fear on your face, sometimes you mumbled in your sleep during them, and sometimes you woke up screaming. 

Shane did his best. He wasn’t really sure if it helped that much, or at all. But he would pull you close and hold you, try to tell you were safe. Sometimes when you woke up, you just cried into his chest until you fell asleep again. Sometimes you couldn’t get back to sleep (or maybe didn’t want to try) so you would just get up for the day, padding out to the kitchen to make coffee and get an early start on things. 

You didn’t want talk about the nightmares. When Shane asked, you would shrug it off, tell him you didn’t remember them, change the subject. But you remembered. You remembered the fear, the pain, the desperation running rampant in your subconscious. Talking about it wouldn’t help, you told yourself. So instead, you threw yourself into farm work. And you drank. A lot. 

Shane would catch it, here and there. He’d spot you slipping some Irish cream into your coffee in the mornings. You’d drink a beer with dinner. When the two of you sat down to watch a movie, you’d have a few fingers of liquor with some ice cubes. But mostly what he noticed was how many bottles and cans were piling up between his visits. He made a remark once about it, and since then it would be spotless whenever he came over. Not because he thought you had cut back, no, but because he assumed you were just hiding it better so he wouldn’t bring it up. 

“Are you coming to family dinner this week?” Shane asked. It had been a few weeks now since you’d joined them and Jas was asking about you. Marnie was too, but Shane didn’t want to have the full conversation with either of them. 

“I don’t think I can make it,” you started. 

“Y/N-“ Shane cut you off, but you held up a hand so he would let you finish. 

“But I had an idea,” you continued, smiling up at him. “What if later this week, maybe Thursday, we had dinner, with Jas, over here?” Shane perked up at the suggestion. 

“You really want to do that?” he asked, a smile curling the corners of his lips. 

“Of course! We haven’t had dinner just the three of us before, and I think it would be nice to have her spending some more time over here since you are.” Shane leaned down to plant a sweet kiss to your lips.

“I think that sounds great,” he agreed softly. “Thursday it is.”

*** 

You swished the beer around that was left in the bottom of the bottle, lips pursing as you stared at the liquid swirling around. Emily vaguely caught your attention and you motioned for another. Thanking her quietly when she handed you the new bottle, you gratefully took a long pull, letting the bubbles drown out your thoughts. Fuck, it had been a bad day. You were sleep deprived from an awful nightmare last night. So bad that you had just gotten up at 3:30am and started your day with a shot of whiskey Apple Crown. You had been working in the dairy barn trying to get it fixed up to have your first couple cows by mid-Fall when part of the roof had collapsed. 

You knew it had needed work and were just waiting to get ahold of Robin to come repair it, but now there was a massive hole in it. That would be a lot more work, and money, than you had originally budgeted for the repairs. Now it was looking like cows by next Spring, maybe. 

That had earned you a drink.

Later that morning you had gone to check on the radish patch only to find that several hens had escaped the coop and absolutely destroyed the crop. You weren’t sure if any of it was salvageable. There went a chunk of money down the drain. 

Another drink.

After that, every little thing set you off. By mid-afternoon when you had already worked a full day thanks to your early start, you decided to say ‘fuck it’ and trotted off to the saloon to wallow in your own pity. If you were going to throw money away, then dammit it was at least going to get you drunk. You were so lost in your own little pity party that you didn’t even notice when the bell dinged over the door signaling the entrance of another patron. 

Only this time, it wasn’t another bar-goer. It was your boyfriend. And he was pissed. 

“There you fucking are,” Shane half-sighed, half-growled once he spotted you at the bar. He didn’t bother to sit down; he didn’t want to stay long. 

“Hey,” you greeted somberly, not even making eye contact. 

“That’s all you’ve got for me, just _‘hey’_?” he asked, brows raising with a scoff. “Yoba, Y/N, did you fucking forget about dinner tonight or did you just not care?” Shane knew he was being harsh, but he was mad. “Jas and I show up at your door and you aren’t there, no sign of you. You won’t answer your phone. I checked your whole fucking farm terrified that you’d gotten hurt and were stuck out in the fields somewhere or that something equally awful had happened.”

Shit. You had completely forgotten that Shane was bringing Jas over for dinner tonight. Instead, you were so caught up in your own bullshit that you’d dragged yourself here to drown out your sorrows in alcohol. With a sigh, you ran your hands over your eyes. 

“Fuck, I’m so sorry, I forgot about dinner,” you told him, words slurring together. When your eyes finally looked at him, he saw how unfocused and red they were. “Tell Jas I’ll make it up to her.” Guilt now gnawing away at your insides, you swiveled back to face the bar and down the rest of your beer, ordering yet another once that one was finished off.

“What the hell are you doing? We’re leaving,” Shane stated definitively, shock and annoyance running through him at your audacity to order another drink. You furrowed your brows, now beginning to feel annoyed yourself. 

“Uh, I’m sorry, what?” you slurred, crossing your arms over your chest as you turned back to him in a show of defiance. 

“I’m taking you home. I think you’ve had enough for tonight.” Shane caught Emily’s eye and made a motion to her to cut you off, pulling out his wallet to pay off your tab. 

“Hey, hi, ‘scuse me,” you said, waving your hand in Shane’s face and making him quirk a brow at you with an expression that read ‘so done’. “I’m a big girl, _I_ decide when it’s time for me to go home. And I can pay off my own damn tab, thank you very much.” Shane closed his eyes and took a breath to steady his temper, not wanting to make a scene. 

“Y/N, please just let me take you home,” he asked, his eyes pleading. You narrowed your own at him, but caved anyway. 

“Fine,” you grumbled, stumbling down from the bar stool and marching toward the door of the saloon without a backwards glance. If you were sober, you would have known that you were being petty. But you weren’t sober and you were just pissed. You waited for a few minutes outside, leaning against the side of the truck, while Shane squared up your bill. When he finally came out to the parking lot, you lost it. “What the hell was that in there?”

“ _I_ should be asking _you_ that,” Shane replied, moving around the truck to get into the driver’s side and expecting that you’d follow suit. Instead, you stood firmly in the parking lot refusing to get in the vehicle. Again, if you had been sober, you would have recognized that fighting inside the truck would have probably been a better idea than yelling at each other in the parking lot in the middle of the night. “What are you doing, get in.”

“No.”

“Y/N, get in the damn truck,” Shane growled around the door. 

“ _No._ ” 

“Fine.” Slamming his door closed, he made his way back around to where you stood. “What the hell were you thinking? I had no idea where you were, you don’t even have your fucking phone-“

“I’m a grown woman, Shane!” you cried, the alcohol coursing through your blood only adding fuel to the fire. “I don’t have to tell you where I am all the fucking time!”

“I’m not asking you to do that and you know it,” he shot back, face flushing with anger of his own. “But, Yoba, Y/N, we were supposed to have dinner with _Jas_ tonight-“

“I said I was sorry! I forgot, what more do you want from me? We’ll reschedule and do it another time.”

“You know what, that’s not even the fucking point,” Shane said, shaking his head. “The _point_ is that I didn’t know if something was seriously wrong, if you’d gotten hurt, or what the hell was going on. Turns out, you’re fine and just _drunk off your ass_ at the saloon.” You rolled your eyes at him and scoffed. 

“Yeah, I’m obviously _fine_ ,” you shot back, hot tears beginning to burn behind your eyes. You didn’t know if they were from anger or pain. “Coming to the bar in the middle of the day to drown out my thoughts with alcohol for five hours, that’s _fine_.” Frustrated and feeling done with all of this, you turned to walk home, but only got a few steps before Shane was stepping in front of you. 

“What’s going on?” he asked, voice and eyes much softer. His hands gently grabbed your arms, thumbs rubbing circles and making goosebumps rise up on your skin. “You’ve been out of it for weeks, not acting like yourself. You should be talking to _me_ , not running to the saloon when your problems get to be too much.” 

Another eye roll. 

“My _problems_?” you spat, going right back on edge. The drunk little demon on your shoulder was whispering that Shane was just patronizing you. “You don’t know shit about my _problems_.” Shrugging out of his touch, you stomped around him. 

“Then let me in!” he pleaded, stopping you again. “Let me help you, Y/N. I want to help.”

“I’m not some fucking damsel in distress, Shane! I don’t want a knight in shining armor to come and save me from my metaphorical tower, or whatever,” you shouted, gesturing angrily at the universe. Shane himself felt a surge of anger, hating these circular arguments that weren’t getting you anywhere toward a solution. 

“Why are you so _fucking stubborn_ , Y/N?” he shouted back. “You just fucking said that you’re struggling and then immediately after refused any help, from the person you’re supposed to be able to turn to! What the fuck am I supposed to do with that, huh? Watch you suffer in silence and drink yourself to death?”

“Yes! If that’s what I want!” Shane was baffled at your words. That didn’t make any fucking sense and he was not having it. 

“No, that is _not_ how this works. Yoba, how could you think that I’d be okay with that?” He ran his hands down his face, completely at a loss for what to do. “Fuck, you’re _so hard-headed_ , Y/N, it makes me want to fucking drink again!” 

As soon as the words left his mouth, Shane regretted them. His stomach dropped at the realization of what he’d said and he looked to find your hurt expression staring back at him. “That came out wrong-“ he moved toward you, but you were already shaking your head and backing away. 

“Fuck off,” you told him, turning away from the truck, the bar, him, and heading toward the farm. Shane called after you, trying to apologize, to get you to turn around and let him give you a ride home so you’d be safe, but you simply flipped him off and kept walking without a backwards glance. 

Shane cursed at himself, kicking the tire in anger. Yoba, he could not believe that he had said that to you. Especially when you were already in such a vulnerable state of mind. Climbing into the truck and slamming the door shut, Shane took a deep breath, pounded the steering wheel a few times, and then drove back to the ranch.


	32. UPDATE

HEYOOOO!!!

I just wanted to put out an announcement that there will be a new chapter uploaded TONIGHT within the next few hours! I just have to edit before I post, and pray that Ao3 doesn't crash again between now and then lol but again

NEW CHAPTER  
OUT IN A FEW HOURS

HANG ON TO YOUR BUTTS

love to all,  
minicoopbug


	33. Resolution*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! I'm so happy to be back in the new year posting this update for all of you :) I know I've been taking forever between updates and I'M SO SORRY. Life gets away from me, inspiration dries up, writing doesn't go well...until it does! And it finally, finally has. I'm so excited to share this chapter with you all and I'm even more excited to hear your feedback on it! 
> 
> So, without further ado...

When he pulled up to the ranch, Shane was still steaming. He played the fight over and over again in his head, feeling the anger like it was new. Anger toward you, anger toward himself, and anger toward the universe for letting all this get so out of hand. Shane slammed the door of the truck behind him and stormed into the house, trying his best to be quiet despite the thunderstorm surrounding him. He knew there was no way he would be able to get any sleep, and there was no way he could go to your farm and face you right now. That would just be Shit Show Round 2. So, doing the only thing he could think of, Shane changed into his sweats and headed out for a run.

There was nothing on his phone when his alarm went off much too early the next morning. No messages. No missed calls. Just his regular notifications of a few emails, both business and spam. 

By afternoon lunch, his phone still sat in his pocket, silent. The longer it went on, the worse his mood became. Shane was still angry about the fight. He wanted resolution, closure, an explanation, _something_. But he was hurt, too. Hurt that you would still be angry about the fight when, in his mind, you should’ve been the one coming forward to apologize and it should’ve happened by now. He was also anxious, constantly wondering if you got home okay. The mix of emotions made him difficult to be around, but it was the least of Shane’s worries. 

Until it became Marnie’s.

After watching him snap at the animals for the umpteenth time in two days, Marnie decided it was time to figure out what in the world was wrong with her nephew, cornering him after dinner once Jas had already gone to wash up for the night. 

“So, what’s got your panties in a twist?” she asked, packing the leftovers into the fridge as Shane finished washing the dishes. 

“M’fine,” he grumbled back. 

“Well, that’s a load of bullshit and we both know it,” the older woman shot at him, rolling her eyes in the process. “Shane, I have watched you unnecessarily yell at the animals, lose your patience with Jas, snap at me, and go at the boxing bag more times than I can count in the last couple of days. Now what the hell is going on?”

“During any of those times, did you ever stop to think that maybe it’s none of your business?” Shane snapped, dropping the cup he was washing and turning to face her with a scowl.

“It became my business when you started letting it affect _our lives_ , Shane.” Her tone was stern and Shane knew that look. It meant his aunt wasn’t backing down. He was either going to have to fess up, or face her wrath, and frankly, he hadn’t faced her wrath in a long time. He didn’t miss it.

“I’m sorry,” he finally sighed, dragging a hand down his face. “I know I’ve been an ass. It’s just…Y/N and I got into a big fight and it’s been the only thing on my mind lately.” Marnie’s expression softened at her nephew’s confession and she stepped forward to rub a comforting hand on his arm. 

“I’m sorry to hear about that,” she said. “But you and Y/N will work it out, I’m sure. Have you tried talking to her?”

“Haven’t heard from her.” His cold tone told her everything she needed to know. She knew she may have to break out the tough love. 

“Well, have _you_ tried reaching out?” Shane shook his head meekly. “Shane Michael, how can you let yourself get so sour when you haven’t even exhausted all your efforts? I don’t need details and it’s not my place to take sides, but you two are supposed to be a team. That’s how relationships work. Now, you can either swallow your pride and take matters into your own hands and fight, or you can lay down and give up. Is that what you want?” The harsh words were enough to pierce down into Shane’s stubbornness. Taking a deep breath, he asked if Marnie could watch Jas the rest of the night so he could go and fight for his relationship, for you. 

She gladly obliged. 

***

As you stumbled home the night after yours and Shane’s big fight, your head was spinning. Not just from the alcohol, but with the weight of his words. 

_“You make me want to fucking drink again.”_

They echoed through your addled brain like a bad broken record. Tears flooded your eyes, making your already impaired walk home that much more difficult. By the time you stumbled through the front door, you were a sobbing, incoherent mess. Breaths came in heavy gasps, tears poured down your cheeks, your hands shook uncontrollably. Falling to your knees, you smacked the wood floor as hard as you could, the sting bringing feeling back to your fingers, and screamed out your frustration, your pain, your anger, your _sadness_. 

After working yourself up to the point of having to stumble to the trash can and getting sick, you were spent. Your body didn’t have anything left. No tears to cry, no feelings to feel, nothing. You were numb and exhausted. So you curled up in a ball on the couch and passed out, unable to dream and yet still unable to rest. 

The day after, you couldn’t bring yourself to do much. You were hungover from the alcohol and strung out on emotions. Still wearing the same clothes from the day before, you managed to pick yourself up off the couch and at least do the necessary farm chores: feed the hens, check on the crops, turn on the irrigation. Everything else could wait a day. 

You didn’t even want to look at your phone, too afraid of what messages you would find from Shane. Or worse, find messages that you had sent and didn’t remember. Damage control on that could wait, too. Instead, your phone sat, untouched, on the kitchen table the entire day. You took a shower. Watched some TV. Made yourself eat, even though there wasn’t much in the kitchen. And then you were asleep by a conservative 9pm. Still no dreams, but still no real rest either. 

The next day was at least a little better. You were able to get up at a normal time and go through the motions of a typical work day, catching up on what you had slacked on doing the day before. You did finally check your phone, only to find that there were in fact no message or missed calls from Shane. Thankfully there were also no drunken texts sent by you. But still, it stung. 

Thinking about the fight made your stomach turn. The only thing your brain could focus on were those words. Those eight piercing words. Yoba, it made your stomach flip unpleasantly each time they played in your head again. Despite how much you _didn’t want_ to think about it, you couldn’t help it. What did this mean for you and Shane? Were you over? Did his silence point to that conclusion, too? You didn’t know, but you thought that maybe…maybe that would be for the best. For him. You hadn’t exactly been the most stable person since the two of you had gotten together and admittedly you had put him through a lot, even if you hadn’t meant to. Perhaps it would be best to just cut the cord now before you got in any deeper. It was already going to be hard enough, but if you kept going, you were afraid you would destroy him. 

As it turned out, you wouldn’t have to wonder about it much longer. That evening, as you sat watching another rerun of The Queen of Sauce, a series of knocks from the front door pulled your attention. Glancing out the window, you saw the familiar dark hair and hands tucked into the pockets of his usual jacket. Nerves twisted in your gut. ‘Here we go’ you thought. Sighing, you opened your door just enough to stick your head out, keeping half of your body back in the house.

“Hey,” Shane said, eyes meeting yours and a sullen, serious look on his face. He shifted his weight from foot to foot as if nervous. 

“Hi,” you replied softly, not interested much in carrying on the conversation yourself. 

“Have you been drinking tonight?” he deadpanned, catching you a little off guard at his forwardness. “Because I have a lot to say and it’s important, so if you have-“

“No,” you answered. “Not tonight.” Shane studied you for a few moments as if weighing whether or not you were telling the truth before deciding to outright ask you.

“You aren’t lying?” 

“Do you want to come in and check for yourself?” You sighed, opening the door wide and gesturing for him to step in. Again, the man in front of you studied your eyes for a moment before walking inside. You closed to the door behind him, leaning back against it with your arms crossed and watching as his eyes scanned the room carefully before turning back to yours. “Happy?” you asked, raising your brows. It was Shane’s turn to sigh as he fell into his most prominent nervous tick, running a hand over the back of his neck and avoiding eye contact.

“Look, Y/N, I- I wanted to apologize,” he said, eyes finally meeting and holding your gaze. That threw you for a loop. “What I said the other night….I’m sorry. And then leaving the way I did was- was awful and I- I’m really sorry.” Your heart softened and you took a few steps closer.

“Shane, it’s okay. Really, I’m the one who should be apologizing. I- I know I’m stubborn as a mule…” Tears were welling in your eyes but you desperately did not want to cry, not now, not in front of him, again. Not when you were stone cold sober, at least. ‘Pull it together’ you ordered yourself, blinking off the impending waterworks. “Uh, look. I’ve been thinking and the last thing I want is to jeopardize your sobriety, Shane, you’ve come so far and I- I think it would be better….well, I just- I can’t be the reason that you break that and so since I- I make you want to…” The words were getting harder and harder to formulate into complete sentences. Thankfully, Shane cut you off. 

“Y/N, when I said that the other night, that you make me want to drink, it wasn’t….a bad thing.” 

Well, now you were confused. 

“What?” you said, shaking your head at him. “Shane, of course that’s a bad thing. It’s certainly not a _good_ thing!” He was starting to get antsy and agitated but whether it was with you or himself you weren’t really sure. He began to pace around your small kitchen, constantly running his fingers through his hair.

“No, you don’t get it,” he insisted, voice strained, needing you to understand so he didn’t have to try to explain it. “When I’m around you, I- I feel things. I feel…everything. Intensely. And I don’t know how to deal with that.” His desperate eyes met yours. “You make me…laugh. And- and you make me so incredibly angry sometimes. You make me happy and….you make me feel really sad to see what you’re doing to yourself.” You needed to move or you were certain that your legs would give out underneath you. You stepped around him and braced your hands on the counter, back to your guest so you could catch your breath for a moment. “Y/N, I…”

“But you have Jas,” you protested weakly, heart pounding in your chest. Yoba, he was making this _too hard_. Spinning back around, you met his eyes. “Surely she-“

“Yeah, I have Jas and I love her,” Shane said, stepping around the table to get closer. “She gives me a reason to wake up every day and take care of myself, so I can take care of her. She gives me a reason to live. But…” Shane’s hands reached up, gently cupping your face as his chest met yours, the ends of his fingers tangling into your hair. His eyes fell closed and he rested his forehead against yours. “But you- you make me feel… _alive_.”

Your heavy breaths stopped as you took in his words, his closeness, the heat from his body spreading to yours where you touched. 

“Shane…” you attempted a plea, but all that came out was a pathetic whimper. He pulled back just a fraction of an inch, just enough to open his eyes and study your face. Your eyes were squeezed closed, brow scrunched, lips parted the tiniest bit, head tilted down toward the floor. And then his lips were on yours, warm and soft and sweet. You couldn’t resist. Yoba, you would never be able to resist him, and that both terrified and thrilled you. Your hands slid up his chest to rest on his broad shoulders as his encircled your waist, gripping tight to your hips.

“I love you, Y/N,” Shane said when the two of you came up for air, voice rough, but more sincere than you’d ever heard from him. “I’ve loved you ever since I saw you walking toward me in that damn sundress and cowboy boots before the Flower Dance. I didn’t know it then, but I did.” More tears welled behind your eyelids at his words, your emotions raw and right at the surface, unable to be contained. You still couldn’t bring yourself to open your eyes and look at him, so instead you just pulled him into another kiss. 

Shane responded in kind, his mouth moving with yours, the tears that were finally spilling over and down your cheeks making you taste salty. You pulled his body closer, closer, as close as he could be before he was smashing you into the counter at your back. Shane bent to grip your thighs, lifting you onto the countertop with an ease that sent a shiver down your spine. He fit perfectly between your knees, and you didn’t know where you ended and he began. All you knew was the magnetic pull, the _heat_. 

Shane’s mouth broke from yours, a whimper of protest leaving your lips. It soon turned into a gasp, though, as he nipped at a spot just below your ear. His mouth was hot on your neck, overwhelming and not enough all at once. You were surrounded by him, his touch burning your skin, his scent of teakwood soap and hay filling your senses. You were drowning in Shane McDaniels and you wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. 

“Say it again,” you gasped out, voice hoarse and barely able to string words together. “Please…”

“I love you,” Shane answered, whole new waves of pleasure and emotion and lust washing over you at hearing those words again. Those words to replace the others that had played on repeat in your head for days. Those words that meant more to you than…than this whole farm and everything you had combined. “I am ridiculously, frustratingly, hopelessly in love with you.” They melted into your skin where he breathed them, sending goosebumps across your entire body, and suddenly it felt like…it felt like you were a living, breathing, whole person again.

Your hands cupped the sides of Shane’s face, pulling him back to your lips desperately. You dug your fingers into his shoulders, wrapping an arm around his neck to keep him there, right there, with you. Ten minutes ago you had been trying to break things off with him, having convinced yourself that you were a ticking time bomb and he would just be collateral damage when you finally exploded. But now…now you weren’t letting him go. He was _yours_ and you were _his_ and that’s just how it was going to be, because you weren’t going to let anyone, even yourself, jeopardize that. 

Your head was too busy spinning to comprehend that you were being lifted off the counter, into Shane’s arms. You were dizzy with happiness, tears still staining your face, absorbing every small bit you could of this man, selfishly wanting every piece of him for yourself. Shane’s mouth broke from yours, sucking in air like he was starved of it, pupils blown wide. You wasted no time kissing across his jaw, down to his neck, nipping at his earlobe, loving the feel of his scruff against your lips as he carried you through the small farmhouse. And then you were on the bed, sprawled over the covers, pulling him back down to you because you couldn’t stand to be that far away from him for more than a second. 

Shane’s body covered yours, but he moved slowly now, drawing out the kiss into a long, languid gesture that left you breathless. Noses pushing against one another, tongues licking and tasting, breath mingling. You ran both your hands into Shane’s hair, then back down to his cheeks. You needed to look at him, to see him looking back at you. Those eyes…Yoba, you could get lost in those eyes for days. They laid open for you, all his feelings on full display, waiting…

“I love you, too,” you finally told him, the words whispered between the two of you. Shane’s eyes fell closed and he let a deep breath escape his chest, his weight seeming to sag with relief. You wished you could see into his mind right now. Did he think you didn’t return his feelings? Guilt panged in your heart at the thought of this man, this wonderful, selfless, caring man, worrying that you didn’t love him back. Because how could you not? 

Somewhere along the line, clothes were shed, and limbs were tangled, and Shane’s name was falling from your lips in a desperate plea as he slowly pushed into you from behind. Laying on your sides, his arms wrapped around your body, hand splayed across your stomach to hold you against him, back to chest, lips dragging along your shoulder, nose buried in your hair, and cock buried to the hilt in your aching pussy over and over and _over_ until you were a shuddering, sobbing, shaking, sweating mess. But he didn’t stop. His fingers danced over your swollen clit, playing you like a fiddle until you came around him yet again. He mumbled praises into your ear, told you how good you felt, how much he loved you, how beautiful you were like this. 

And you were completely helpless.

You had no idea how he had managed to last this long, still holding out on his own orgasm and instead wrecking your entire world. You couldn’t form coherent words anymore, it was all just pants and moans and whimpers. Your brain was a haze of fog, not able to think straight. You cried out Shane’s name as your thighs shook with exhaustion, your whole being burning into the mattress, you were sure of it. 

“I c-can’t,” you sobbed, voice breaking with pleasure. “S’too mu-much.” Shane kissed across your shoulder and to your jaw, nuzzling into your neck. 

“One more,” he encouraged, pulling out of you and earning a displeased groan at the loss. You fell to your back and Shane moved himself over you, bringing your lips in for a slow kiss. “Do you have one more for me?” he whispered against you. You shook your head, panting to get breath back into your lungs. Shane’s hand found yours, intertwining your fingers as he used the other to pull your leg over his waist, pushing back into you. “Fuck, you’re so tight…”

“Shane,” you whined, already beyond overstimulated. Your back rose off the bed, chest meeting his, nails clawing across his back. You were going to die. You were _actually_ going to cease to live. He was going to kill you with sex, fuck the soul right out of your body if he kept going. But Yoba, it felt so good. The blood in your veins was on fire, burning every inch of you from the inside out. Shane’s hips rocked against yours slow and rhythmic, rolling into you, against you, through you. You felt like you were on a life boat trapped at sea in the middle of a hurricane, at the mercy of the waves. 

“Yoba, you feel so good,” Shane breathed into your mouth, his lips refusing to leave yours. He kept going, going, going until you were contracting around him again, tears coursing down your cheeks as the pleasure overwhelmed you yet again. Shane groaned your name, telling you how good you were as shutters wracked his body and he was coming apart above you, finally. 

***

The two of you woke late the next morning, groaning against the nearly-noon sun that shone through the bedroom window. Your legs still felt useless after last night, your whole body heavy and spent. You’d slept better last night than in a long time, and you could still feel the remnants of your activities between your legs. Shane stretched beside you, letting out a yawn and rubbing his eyes before turning to find you already looking up at him. 

“Good morning,” he rasped, offering a goofy grin and extending his arm out so you could snuggle into his chest. You happily took the invitation. 

“Morning,” you returned, getting cozy and playing with the dark hairs that covered his chest. “Last night was…,” you trailed off, not really sure how to describe it. Shane hummed in agreement, leaning down to place a kiss to the top of your head. Anxiety suddenly trickled in as you remembered the fight you’d had only three or four days ago and you shifted to look up at him. “You don’t have any…regrets, do you?” 

“Of course not,” he assured you, eyes genuine. “Do you?” You shook your head, smiling softly up at him. “Good.” The two of you laid in the soft quiet for awhile, listening to the birds outside, before you had to force yourself out of bed to use the restroom. 

When you returned, Shane was sitting up, propped against the headboard, scrolling through his phone. You smiled at the sight, happy to have him back here. He made the house feel…fuller, closer to complete. When he noticed you, he gave a sweet smile and put his phone down. You crawled back into bed with him, assuming the same position you were in before, content to make patterns on his chest with your fingertips. 

“I think we need to talk,” he finally said, the words sending cold running down your spine. Immediately, your body tensed. Shane only held you closer, though. “Don’t you?”

“I…suppose,” you reluctantly agreed with a sigh. You didn’t want to have this conversation, but you supposed it was inevitable. 

“I think that I just need…some kind of closure or resolution from the other night. That fight.” You bit your bottom lip and nodded, already feeling your throat close up with dread. “It’s just…I’m all in.” Shane paused. “Are you?”

“…I want to be,” you answered quietly after a few moments, still not making eye contact and instead choosing to focus on Shane’s chest. 

“Then you have to be honest and open with me,” he gently insisted. “Please, Y/N, I want to be able to be there for you, to support you. But I can’t do that if you keep me at arm’s length all the time.” Silence. 

_Anxious_ silence. And then…

“You’re right,” you admitted, sitting yourself up and turning to face him on the bed. “So, what do you want to know?” Shane took a deep breath. He was of course happy that you wanted to finally take this step with him, but he was also a little apprehensive about what he would find out. 

“The other night, outside the saloon. You mentioned problems you were dealing with. Problems that led you to go to the saloon and drink yourself into stupor. And not for the first time. I just…want to know what’s going on. What you meant when you said that.” You nodded, taking a deep breath of your own. Yoba, this was not going to be an easy conversation, but you supposed you couldn’t avoid it any longer. 

“Okay, that’s fair. Before I get into it, though, I have to warn you, it’s a long story.”

“I have all the time it takes,” he assured, offering a gentle smile and reaching out to squeeze your hand. Another deep breath. ‘Just rip the band-aid off’, you told yourself. 

“Shane, I…I’m married.”


	34. The Truth, the Past, and the Last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO MY LOVELIES
> 
> I apologize for my long absence (yet again). I must admit that I wrote this initially right after finishing the last chapter, but never got around to totally finishing it. I wanted to wait a few days for the nice cliffhanger from our last chapter to sit and marinade, but then the depression hit and school started again and I lost all track of time 🙃
> 
> BUT IT'S HERE NOW AND I'M SO EXCITED
> 
> So please enjoy and please let me know what you think, we finally get to the bottom of our sweet farmer's past and I hope hope hope that you guys like this chapter because it's something I've been planning from the very start and have put a lot of work into fixing and finalizing ❤
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: domestic violence, gaslighting, attempted rape, cheating/infidelity, PTSD

“Shane, I…I’m married.”

Shane’s head suddenly felt like it was filled with cotton, the world around him becoming muffled as the only thing he could make out was the pounding of his heart. Yoba, he felt like his stomach had dropped out of his body, like he’d been punched in the gut, like…like…

“You’re… _what?_ ” he managed to choke out, blinking against the confusion. A million thoughts were swirling in his head and it seemed like the world was moving in slow motion. He saw you bite down on your bottom lip, brows knitting together, hand reaching for his…but it was taking too long. 

“Shane-“ you tried, but he shook his head, needing another few seconds to process. “Please let me explain before you get the wrong idea.”

“Wrong idea?” he shot back, eyebrows raised. His instincts were to attack, go on the defensive, yell, be angry…but the look on your face made him hold it all back.

“Please.” It wasn’t a question, but a plea. Shane took another deep breath, steadying himself…and then nodded. 

That was your cue, you supposed.

“His name….is Jake. He used to be in the Ferngill Army. And he used to beat the shit out of me.”

“Y/N-“ Shane sat forward, a whole new mix of emotions coursing through him at those words. You put a hand out to stop him, shaking your head gently. 

“I’m gonna start at the beginning, okay?” A moment of hesitation, and then Shane nodded, sitting back against the pillows. “We met in college, first year. He was charming and good looking, I was young and naïve. We had mutual friends that introduced us and it just…went from there. I _fawned_ over him. Yoba, looking back now I’m so embarrassed. I was like a lovesick puppy, coming at his every beck and call. Pathetic.” 

You paused to roll your eyes, and Shane just watched. He studied the change in your body language, the way you avoided his eyes and looked down at your fidgeting hands as you talked. Your shoulders were tense and he knew you had only just started. 

“Anyway, after we had been dating for awhile, he eventually told me that he wanted to go into the military. He didn’t want to finish his degree, college just wasn’t his thing. So…I told him I’d go wherever he did. Us being young and dumb, he proposed, I stupidly said yes. My parents and my friends tried to talk me out of getting married so fast, telling me we had all the time in the world and that we could just have a long engagement and see where his army career went, blah blah blah. I brushed them off, of course, feeling like they were just trying to keep me away from the love of my life. Now I wish I had listened. So, I graduated with a two-year degree instead of four, he dropped out and enlisted, and we got married. I was 20 years old. And I got married to a guy I’d known for barely a fucking year.” 

You had to pause again. Tears were burning your eyes, but they were out of anger and frustration at yourself this time.

“I just feel like…like that day, I turned my back on my family. And that’s really hard, you know?” Your voice was breaking, a few stray tears leaking down your cheeks. Shane grabbed your hand and gave it a comforting squeeze, using the other to wipe at the trails on your face. 

“We can take a break if you need to,” he offered gently, but you shook your head. 

“So, here I was, 20 years old, married, and ready to pick up and follow my husband anywhere in the world. We got a tiny little apartment in the city with his signing bonus. He went through the whole shebang, boot camp for a few weeks, then finding out he would be shipping out to the battle zone. I got a shitty job with Joja Corp and convinced myself that I was happy and this is what I wanted. Sure, life wasn’t perfect, but it was manageable. I kept telling myself that there would always be something to look forward to. Yeah, he wasn’t home right then and I was terrified for his safety, but he would come home and get a safer job and we’d start a family, blah blah blah. It was fine. Things were fine, but then Jake was medically discharged, so he was coming home a lot earlier than we had intended. He was in an explosion or something and too injured to continue his service. He’d only been in for like a year in all. Coming home earlier than he had planned, being told he couldn’t serve anymore, and the memories of all the horrific things he’d seen and experienced…it was a bad mix. Really bad.”

Another deep breath. Shane felt like his heart was pounding and this wasn’t even his story, his experience. 

“Needless to say, he had some really bad PTSD. That he refused to get treatment for. So he started drinking. I noticed it at home, but it wasn’t really a big deal until he started going out all night with his army buddies and coming back…absolutely drunk off his ass. I didn’t say anything the first few times because…I just figured he was going out with friends to blow off steam. And that’s normal, yano? It wasn’t a big deal. But then he started going out every night, friends or not. And coming back drunk _every single night_. I finally had enough and decided I wouldn’t keep acting like it was okay. When he came home for the fourth night in a row at 1am completely wasted and found that I hadn’t saved him any dinner that night, he- he totally lost it. Came into the bedroom screaming, ripped the covers off and woke me up, got in my face and yelled and yelled. That was the first time he ever hit me. I don’t really know why I was surprised, though, we had been heading down that path for awhile already.”  
Shane noted the way your arms crossed over your chest protectively now, eyes trained down on the bed, knees curling up toward your chest. You were folding yourself into a protective ball position and didn’t even realize you were doing it. Yoba, the things you had gone through…he couldn’t imagine. 

“The next morning, I woke up to flowers on my nightstand and the apartment totally clean. He apologized over and over. He cried. He begged me to forgive him, saying he would never do it again. And I believed him. For about a week, things were better. He was like his old self again. We spent time together, we laughed and joked and smiled for the first time in… _months_. And then…well, then he was right back at it. More late nights. More drinking. Yoba, I felt like half my paychecks went toward alcohol. More fighting. And then…more hitting. He didn’t make any more promises not to do it again, though. No more pledges to be better, no more trying. It was _my_ fault. _I_ was the problem. Because I wasn’t a good enough wife. I didn’t support him, I belittled him, I tried to take him from his friends, I didn’t believe in him, all that bullshit. The worst part, though? I believed it. I really thought that _I_ was the one who was doing wrong, who was driving him to act like this. And it wasn’t just me, oh no. My friends, my family, they were all part of the problem so they had to go. He isolated me from…everybody.” 

Shane could see the guilt in your eyes and he wished more than anything that he could make it better, make you see that it wasn’t your fault, that you were the victim here. But he kept quiet, and you kept going. 

“This went on for…two and a half, three years? Something like that. It was my own personal hell. Aside from the drinking and the beatings, he was cheating too, I know he was. I’d ask and he’d brush it off, act like I was crazy, sometimes he’d get so mad that he’d hit me if I asked. So I stopped asking, but I knew. He’d say things like ‘well, I’m not getting it here’ and other just…disgusting shit. But the final straw, was when I found a pair of underwear in our bed that wasn’t mine. Yoba, the rage I felt. But also like I had finally been… _vindicated_. At least I knew I wasn’t crazy. So that night when he came home, I confronted him with the underwear. He tried to just brush it off once again, laughing at how upset I was. That was it. I told him I was going to leave and started packing my shit. I didn’t know where I was going to go yet, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to stay there with him another night. Well, you can probably guess that he didn’t really like that. He threatened me. Hit me. Slammed me into the wall.”

_Deep breath. In. Out. Repeat._

“I- I had stumbled upon the letter from grandpa a couple months earlier. I’d already talked to my parents and the lawyers about whether or not it was real and valid and kept it a secret from him. He…he threatened my family. The one friend I had left. I couldn’t go there. He would have found me and I think he would have tried to drag me back kicking and screaming, and would have hurt anyone that tried to get in the way. This was the only place I had to go, my only chance to get out. And I almost didn’t make it. After giving him some time, I tried to calmly tell him I would be going somewhere else for the night and headed for the door. He…he grabbed me. When I tried to fight back, he hit me, again. He threw me on the floor. And then…he…he was climbing over me and ripping my leggings…”

Tears were pouring over now and you had to take a break. You couldn’t finish that sentence. Shane pulled you into his arms, tears of his own spilling over at hearing what you went through. He held you against his chest as you cried, did his best to comfort you, even though he knew that he would never be able to take away that pain. After a few minutes, you were calmed down and ready to continue. 

“He didn’t…get that far. I had grabbed a beer bottle before, just in case, and hidden it in my jacket. I don’t know how it hadn’t broken yet, by the grace of Yoba I guess. But somehow I managed to grab it and turn enough to smash it over his head with as much strength as I could find. It was enough to knock him out, but I didn’t know for how long, so I made a run for it. Grabbed my bag and my keys and bolted. I swear to Yoba, my legs carried me down those stairs faster than I had ever moved in my life. I managed to make it to my Jeep, get in, and drive away. I called my parents, they called Lewis, and I came here. And here I’ve been ever since.” 

Quiet. Just….quiet.

There weren’t words to properly react to everything you had just told him. Shane sat, processing, letting the emotions run through him. He held you, but he didn’t know what to say. What _could_ he say?

“I’m so, _so_ sorry you had to go through all that,” he finally managed. It wasn’t much, but it was all he could offer. He heard you sniffle from where your head rested under his chin. “I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

The two of you sat like that for…well, Shane wasn’t sure how long exactly. But it was awhile. At one point he thought perhaps you had fallen asleep, exhausted by the emotional toll telling your story had likely taken. But when he shifted to check, you were just staring off into space. His heart broke a little bit more, if that was even possible. Yoba, the _horrific_ things you had been through…he tried not to dwell too much on it and just be thankful that you were here, now, with him, safe. 

Safe. 

_Safe._

Little did Shane know, that very word was ringing through your mind, too. But for very different reasons.

“Shane?” you finally croaked, voice hoarse from disuse and an emotional lump taking up entirely too much space in your throat. He ‘hmm’ed, tilting his head down to look at you. Your eyes still stared off somewhere, not totally focused, but brimming with more tears. “I’m afraid…afraid he’s going to find me.” When you managed to get the words out, the ones you had dreaded saying out loud for over a year, it broke the dam. Hot tears poured down your cheeks and your body started to shiver, a panic response setting in.

Shane’s stomach dropped. The fact that you had endured all of this, had managed to escape, _barely_ , and still had to live in fear? Well, that thought nearly broke him. 

He couldn’t do anything to quell your fears, that much he knew. Especially not when now he was worried, too. So instead, Shane just held you as you cried, telling both you and himself that you were safe there in his arms.


End file.
